friendinned

Hi Well its been awhile but since my last post about my friend I havent spoken to her except in a few texts here in the but have also been working evenings and spending extra time going to see my boyfriend who is living an hour away right now while job searching. So its been an extra reason for me to not contact her. the last time i wrote she had updated me that she was living with her bf who was newly out of prision for 3 years something with beiing a repeat offender and dealing drugs and who knows what else.

anyway so she sent me a facebook message last night late and was suprised cause usually she is in bed by 930 off phone/email by 8 the latest. She said she missed me and i should call anytime putting it on me to contact her once again even though her addicted to meth or whatever is the problem of why we arnt close anymore.

she said shes engaged and she knows its out of the blue. ok......it was random she asked me about my valentines day she does that where she disapears then when theres drama or probs wants my attention. her parents dont approve her dad told her before he went away to leave him. so her parents not only dont know hes out of jail and he and my friend are living together they dont kno about the engagenent. weird thing is as of oct 2012 he was married to someone else still from his past who had two kids with, i mean this guys been in and out of prosion for ten years so i find it hard to believe he finallly filed for divorce u kno? anyway she also emailed me an evite to the shower someone is having for her in like 2 weeks. my mom said go ahead and go just dont get emotionally involved.

i knda want to go to find out the real story but kinda dont want to get involved its been stress free since shes out of my life a bit trust me it took years of her acting like she didnt want to be friends for long periods of time u kno for me to get to this point.

so what would u all do in this situation?

AnvilheadII

how do you define a FRIEND? as is this really what you want from a friendship????

friendinned

it is too much drama but a few friends have told me that since i have known her forever, just go to the shower. its typical i answerred her fb email right away and its been over a day she hasnt answered of course !! typical me rushing to help her and keep in contact, when she calls or writes haha.

Hanna

After personally experiencing and also reading here about the very difficult situations many people have to face on a daily basis, the kind that they cannot just walk away from because children and/or beloved family members are involved, it is difficult for me to understand why anyone would put themselves purposely in the midst of the kind of drama you describe.

Knowing someone for many years doesn't mean a thing to me if the quality of interaction is missing.

Why would you bother with this situation?

friendinned

thats true. she finally answered back saying she was cleaning her carpet all day and she didnt bother to look at her smartphone all day. okkkkkkk. really i texted at 1pm she answered at 10 pm.

I know friendships that have lasted for years can often be complicated and go through many stages but it is not just a case of addiction if anything she uses that as an easy out for ignoring me for three years.

als if i go to the shower i have to lie or figure out what exactly shes told the ppl hosting it. They are friends from work and school and they dont kno shes an addicy and think her mans name is jack , its not its jqueem. weird.

I think its the way these addicts lure ppl in make it our problem one way or another?

Can others share experiences on friends ignore do to substance abuse and then years later wanting to prented to be a best friend again.

Hanna

I had a friend that was not a substance abuser, but had all the symptoms - selfishness and self-centeredness. She lied constantly, had a life filled with drama and used people around her as needed.

At a certain point I realized that I was surrounded by some really wonderful friends, while this woman created drama and difficulty in my life. It seemed unfair to call her a friend when my true friends were supportive, fun, caring and totally unlike her. She and I had 20 years of memories, many which were very good times but she could also be cruel and manipulative. She lied to me, about me and worst of all would lie about people that I loved to make them look bad simply because she hated anyone else to be close to me. My healthy friends wanted nothing to do with her.

I walked away.

It was four years before I spoke to her again and today we are able to speak but in a very controlled way. She isn't welcome in my home and the most I'm willing to do is have dinner with her. She gets no power over my life and very little information from me. It hurts to think of how she treated me, but unless I see ask or change in her I will keep our relationship very limited.

You may not realize it but people judge you by the company you keep. Someone once told me they wanted to get to know me but would not do so because that would put them into closer contact with someone that they did not want to be associated with. That was a huge eye opener for me. I was missing out on some very cool friendships because of a mere association with another. Just some food for thought.

Hanna

Also, couple of things-

Jack sounds like an abbreviation of Jqeem. I don't think it's a big deal. I don't go by my legal name socially.

Also, taking 9 hours to respond to a text from a friend isn't unusual for me and my friends. I don't expect that just because we all have smartphones that we should be able to summon one another on demand. My Dad does, but I just don't agree!

If you go to the party, I don't think you should lie about anything, but outing her as having been an addict isn't socially or morally required. It's not really your business to do so and that type of discussion falls under the category of gossip. We make people uncomfortable when we talk about unpleasant things at events that are meant to be social. The purpose of the event is to celebrate a milestone in her life. If you don't feel that is possible for you to genuinely celebrate given your bad experiences with her or because of other things you know, it's best to just decline.

The proper way to decline an invitation per etiquette is simply to say some variation of "Thank you for the invitation. Unfortunately I am unable to attend due to a prior engagement." Prior engagement is whatever else you intend to do, and there is no need to disclose it.

friendinned

true totally about not responding to the text for awhile, its just a symbol i guess though of not hearing from for days and weeks on end in the past. Im thinking as long as i have the day off from work ill go and see what happens and she can tell me the story of how they decided to get married or whatever and see what developed its hard to not be emotionally involved and we will see what happens. I know it riles me up to see how shes messing up and just treating me and her family like our opinions dont matter she just wants to be rebellious for some reason. Im hoping we can have luch before hand and i an find out some info. i would never gossip with the ppl giving the shower just find the whole thing odd.