ThirstForLife

and the wagon stopped..backed over me twice...left tire marks...and moved on. You think you got problems?...I throw up on myself nightly and that lets me know I'm still alive. Okay? I dont sugarcoat things. I'm ready to stop...will I be successful?....the smart money says No. But...hey...this as true of a post as they get. Lets see what happens..tomorrow is day 1....

Recovery1983

It says that you joined this site one year before I did, so I have to assume that you are not new to the information to addiction/alcoholism or the recovery part. I dont think that anyone comes on this site to see who can get 1st place for the amount of wreckage they've done. If you are currently intoxicated or havent been sober for a little bit, I understand the self-loathing and demoralization. I have taken that trip too many times to count.

"Let's see what happens..tomorrow is day1..." If you are leaving it up to chance and without some sort of different plan, I'm sorry to break it to you, but you will end up in the exact same position. After my last relapse, this is what i'm doing differently. Since it's still very early, i'm not putting too much on my plate. However, one thing I stopped doing was going to meetings. One of the things on my plate is to do 90 meetings in 90 days. If I can be in the mindset, even for one hour of the day, of the reasons why using/drinking has brought me to self destruction, I am giving myself a better chance of sobriety than the last time I was sober. Even meetings alone is not guaranteed sobriety.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this, but I don't think you are doing everything within your ability and on a daily basis in order to stay sober. I do believe you want to stop, yet one week, two weeks, or ten weeks down the line, that memory of wanting to stop starts to fade away.

ReadyAndAble

There's no smart money, TFL. There's just you. What do you say? This isn't like spinning a wheel in Vegas. Which is good news, really. You don't have to be a victim; you can take action now, and never see the underside of that wagon again.

I know how it feels to almost give up hope. I almost gave up, too. I'm so glad I didn't. I know you haven't either, because you posted here tonight. This is going to require everything you've got, but if you make it your top priority, I have no doubt you will be successful.

YouRmySunshine

Prayers for a new sober 24 hours.

You don't have to do this alone, there truly are people out there that can help you through this.
Thankyou for sharing.
Peace

Dee74

The smart money says whatever you want it say
I tried to quit for years - sometimes really seriously sometimes not.

In the end it really was quit or die.

Nealy dying really focused my energy. I stopped playing around.

All the energy I used to put into drinking and being a tough guy I put that, and more, into staying sober.

I changed my life, because it was a drunk's life.
I reached out and found support, because I realised how hard this was.

and...I stayed sober.

I really believe you can too Thirsty - if you want it

D

Taking5

This sounds too much like you are the victim, like getting drunk just "happened". Like you were a victim of a tornado or earthquake. You need to own up to your own role in this. JMHO.

Have you tried any support groups like AA, Smart, etc.? These can be a big help in recognizing your part in your sobriety and you'll learn a lot about yourself.