OT- Warning may trigger some
Restoring myself to sanity
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
OT- Warning may trigger some
This is going to be slightly OT but I wasnt sure where else to post this.. mods if you feel another section of this board is more appropriate please feel free to move it to that section..
I have a very very dear friend who had a son that was an addict.. typical addict behavior, lying, manipulation etc.. I even recomended SR to him to help him deal with the chaos that his life had turned into because of his issues with his son.. Don't know if he ever visited here or not, hopefully maybe he will now..
Wednesday afternoon, my friends Son committed suicide.. I cannot even describe how much my heart hurts for him and his family..
Those of you who have been in this situation.. What do you say to someone who's loved one committs suicide.. Saying I'm sorry just doesn't seem like enough. The only thing I know to do is to be there for support but not to get overly involved like the cody in me is longing too.. I thought about cooking them a meal in a few weeks after the chaos has died down and they are struggling to create a new normal for themselves..
Any thoughts or suggestions.. and please for those of you that pray.. Pray for them.. I just can't imagine the depth of their pain right now..
I have a very very dear friend who had a son that was an addict.. typical addict behavior, lying, manipulation etc.. I even recomended SR to him to help him deal with the chaos that his life had turned into because of his issues with his son.. Don't know if he ever visited here or not, hopefully maybe he will now..
Wednesday afternoon, my friends Son committed suicide.. I cannot even describe how much my heart hurts for him and his family..
Those of you who have been in this situation.. What do you say to someone who's loved one committs suicide.. Saying I'm sorry just doesn't seem like enough. The only thing I know to do is to be there for support but not to get overly involved like the cody in me is longing too.. I thought about cooking them a meal in a few weeks after the chaos has died down and they are struggling to create a new normal for themselves..
Any thoughts or suggestions.. and please for those of you that pray.. Pray for them.. I just can't imagine the depth of their pain right now..
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Just be there for them. You don't need any wise words, just be there. Cooking a meal for them after everyone else has gone on about their lives is a nice gesture. Just be there. Be a shoulder to cry on or a person they can call if they feel the need. I'm sorry for their loss.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
My brothers son od'ed on herion and died several years ago, we will never know if it was intentional or not, but we do know that he was troubled. He was also the Love of each and everyone one of us in the family.
My brother can not even look at a picture of him without breaking down.
The only thing I could do was sit down and sob with him.
There are no words that can ever sooth the heart of a parent that has lost a child.
I'm so deeply sorry for your friends loss. It is triggering, but it is always good to have a good cry every once in awhile.
Life is such a mystery.
Sending prayers and love your way. Katie
My brother can not even look at a picture of him without breaking down.
The only thing I could do was sit down and sob with him.
There are no words that can ever sooth the heart of a parent that has lost a child.
I'm so deeply sorry for your friends loss. It is triggering, but it is always good to have a good cry every once in awhile.
Life is such a mystery.
Sending prayers and love your way. Katie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The one thing that comforts a person who is grieving is knowing that someone cares enough to hug them. Many people get so very uncomfortable at the thought of bringing up the topic of the lost loved one....afraid that it will cause more hurt. It won't. The pain is so pervasive that there is little you can say or do to make it worse.
Acknowledge their pain. Give gentle hugs of comfort. And just be a friend. Listen if they need to talk.
Your dear friend will be in my prayers. May his beautiful son be cradled in the arms of the angels.
gentlest of hugs to you today
ke
Acknowledge their pain. Give gentle hugs of comfort. And just be a friend. Listen if they need to talk.
Your dear friend will be in my prayers. May his beautiful son be cradled in the arms of the angels.
gentlest of hugs to you today
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
A year from now send them a card and let them know you are thinking of them all -- especially their precious child taken so young. I've heard that acknowledging the child's birthday and/or the anniversary of their death is especially meaningful and I can imagine that it would be.
May God help them thru this horrible time.
May God help them thru this horrible time.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
I agree with KE. When my brother committed suicide, everyone around me was very sympathetic and helpful. After about a month though, it was as if the subject was closed and they wanted me to move on. At that stage the reality was only starting to dawn on me.
Sitting with someone, listening and letting them remember and talk about their loved one for as long as it takes, is one of the biggest gifts you could give them in my eyes. You don't need to even say anything, just listen.
Sitting with someone, listening and letting them remember and talk about their loved one for as long as it takes, is one of the biggest gifts you could give them in my eyes. You don't need to even say anything, just listen.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anytown
Posts: 59
Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. My son passed away after a long illness six years ago and I still have the need periodically to talk about him, to hear his name. My biggest fear is that he will be forgotten.
If you have good memories to share, don't be afraid to bring them up. If you have pictures, don't be afraid to share them. We may cry, but they are healing tears. A hug and the knowledge you are there for your friend will mean so much.
Will keep this family in my prayers.
If you have good memories to share, don't be afraid to bring them up. If you have pictures, don't be afraid to share them. We may cry, but they are healing tears. A hug and the knowledge you are there for your friend will mean so much.
Will keep this family in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((jerect)) - I'm so very sorry. The only experience I have with suicide is a former coworker. The best I, and my other coworkers, could do was just be there. If his wife wanted to talk? We listened. If she didn't want to talk? We were just there and did things that were somewhat "normal".
Hugs and prayers to you, your friend and all who loved this young man.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers to you, your friend and all who loved this young man.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
hugs to you, suicide is the worst. :,( I had a friend whose mother passed this way, and she was very angry. She blamed herself for not letting her mom know she was loved. It was a time in our friendship when I was very quiet. I let her rant and rave, I petted her head and let her cry on my shoulder, I tell her she has a right to her feelings, remind her that her mamma was sick and died loving her. It wasn't my friends fault. She couldn't have prevented it. In time I took her out for outings and she still gets flowers for moms birthday, so I send one yellow rose to her every year.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 88
Like Sunshine2 said, its the few weeks after where things settle in but when everyone seems to have disappeared.
The first couple weeks after one of my brothers committed suicide my family was overloaded with people coming by to visit, bringing food, and coffee coffee coffee. Seems like when people don't know what to do they just bring you coffee.
But I really didn't eat much during that time, my brain was swirling, I wasn't even really grieving yet. I was in a fog and confused and I don't remember much of what happened those first couple weeks. It was probably most helpful that family friends made sure all the basic things stayed on track (dog got walked, laundry done, plants watered, etc).
When things quieted down is when I needed more emotional support. Someone bugging me to get out of the house, even just a walk in the sun. Someone to chat with even about mundane things just to break sitting at home and thinking too much.
The first couple weeks after one of my brothers committed suicide my family was overloaded with people coming by to visit, bringing food, and coffee coffee coffee. Seems like when people don't know what to do they just bring you coffee.
But I really didn't eat much during that time, my brain was swirling, I wasn't even really grieving yet. I was in a fog and confused and I don't remember much of what happened those first couple weeks. It was probably most helpful that family friends made sure all the basic things stayed on track (dog got walked, laundry done, plants watered, etc).
When things quieted down is when I needed more emotional support. Someone bugging me to get out of the house, even just a walk in the sun. Someone to chat with even about mundane things just to break sitting at home and thinking too much.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so sorry about your friend's son. It breaks my heart each time we lose a loved one to addiction.
Years ago, friends of mine had a daughter, an only child, who was murdered. I remember them thanking my husband and I for sticking with them and listening to them talk about their daughter, and letting them cry...a hundred times. They just needed to get it out and the least we could do, as friends, was to listen while they did. And we referred to their daughter by name. People stopped saying the child's name and the parents needed to hear it. She wasn't a statistic or a victim...she was their daughter with a name and very real.
Just be a friend, let them know you are there. Respect their need for privacy and be there when they need it.
My prayers go out for all of you, this is the saddest of times.
Hugs
Years ago, friends of mine had a daughter, an only child, who was murdered. I remember them thanking my husband and I for sticking with them and listening to them talk about their daughter, and letting them cry...a hundred times. They just needed to get it out and the least we could do, as friends, was to listen while they did. And we referred to their daughter by name. People stopped saying the child's name and the parents needed to hear it. She wasn't a statistic or a victim...she was their daughter with a name and very real.
Just be a friend, let them know you are there. Respect their need for privacy and be there when they need it.
My prayers go out for all of you, this is the saddest of times.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
I just had a friend hang herself, it was such a shock! A cousin committed suicide in September, another the year before. There seems to be so much stress in our lives now. In all three of the deaths I never would have believed of these people.
When my father passed at a young age my mother was left with 5 small children. She said the same, the first weeks there is so much support, then nothing.
We talk about the passed with loved ones, you can always find something good in their lives. Taking over food is a wonderful thing to do. Both of my aunts said they did not remember the first few months, they were in a daze.
Suicide is very hard on a family, it leaves so many unanswered questions, and the guilt of not being able to stop the person.
(((huggs)))
When my father passed at a young age my mother was left with 5 small children. She said the same, the first weeks there is so much support, then nothing.
We talk about the passed with loved ones, you can always find something good in their lives. Taking over food is a wonderful thing to do. Both of my aunts said they did not remember the first few months, they were in a daze.
Suicide is very hard on a family, it leaves so many unanswered questions, and the guilt of not being able to stop the person.
(((huggs)))
Restoring myself to sanity
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers.. Today I watched one of my closest friends do something a parent should never have to do.. Bury their child..
This experience is giving me a lesson in Codie boundaries.. Not getting overly involved.. Being there for them but giving no unsolicited advice and not giving more of myself then what I'm capable of giving..
Think I'm going to cook a nice meal for them in a few weeks and maybe offer to clean their house ( which they used to pay me to do) for a few weeks until they can find normal again..
This experience is giving me a lesson in Codie boundaries.. Not getting overly involved.. Being there for them but giving no unsolicited advice and not giving more of myself then what I'm capable of giving..
Think I'm going to cook a nice meal for them in a few weeks and maybe offer to clean their house ( which they used to pay me to do) for a few weeks until they can find normal again..
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