The Same Place
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 172
The Same Place
Howdy,
I can't believe I'm still at the same place or the ways that I continue to justify my drinking. I've had a lot come crashing down on me recently, not from drinking, just from life but I've been drinking to deal with it. Our kitchen flooded last week amidst my biggest deadline at work, kitchen totally demo'd right now, it tested positive for asbestos, dog has just infested house (and family) with fleas, all three computers broke down in the same week, engine light came on, lawn mower belt snapped and the list goes on. I had to laugh at just how unbelievable it is that all of these things are happening at once. I must have really pissed off the big man. Life is just really disrupted right now (I know, poor me blah blah). My drinking is not helping me rest, focus, or get anything done directly. But I am still trying to focus on the good, my family, our overall health, etc.....things could be A LOT worse.
I had some drinks last night. It's amazing....I told myself as I was leaving at 5:30 "Don't get a drink, just go home right now, and don't drink." I ran into my boss on the way out and he was drinking his vodka and so I went to the kitchen and poured myself scotch. Talk about a turn around in 1 minute. Sneaky SOB. Anyway, I shared some of my previous posts on this site with my wife last night and asked her to read my first post aloud to me. It brought me to tears because it's the same exact way I'm sincerely feeling today. And it made me sad that it was 7 months to the day that I had first joined SR and I still have not achieved sobriety, or even abstinence, let alone recovery. Where have these past 7 months gone? I couldn't help but think of what things may or may not have been like had I stopped drinking on the date of my original post. But, what's done is done and I'm here today.
I get so turned off thinking about going to AA but I'm also thinking that maybe that is exactly what I need and I'm turned off because deep down I know it can help me. 2Granddaughters recently talked about self-pity and self hate being the root of this disease and that really stuck with me. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself and wanting everyone to cater to me. Time to man up, pull up these boot straps and get on with a serious change. I am worth more than this.
Leaving work early today as I haven't had a day off in 36 days straight. It may sound weak, but I don't want to be tempted in the office today at 5. I'm going home to start fixing the house and to deal with some of the mess that's been created. I will go to a local meeting tonight and I will not drink today. Sick of Day 1's. Have a great and sober weekend y'all.
I can't believe I'm still at the same place or the ways that I continue to justify my drinking. I've had a lot come crashing down on me recently, not from drinking, just from life but I've been drinking to deal with it. Our kitchen flooded last week amidst my biggest deadline at work, kitchen totally demo'd right now, it tested positive for asbestos, dog has just infested house (and family) with fleas, all three computers broke down in the same week, engine light came on, lawn mower belt snapped and the list goes on. I had to laugh at just how unbelievable it is that all of these things are happening at once. I must have really pissed off the big man. Life is just really disrupted right now (I know, poor me blah blah). My drinking is not helping me rest, focus, or get anything done directly. But I am still trying to focus on the good, my family, our overall health, etc.....things could be A LOT worse.
I had some drinks last night. It's amazing....I told myself as I was leaving at 5:30 "Don't get a drink, just go home right now, and don't drink." I ran into my boss on the way out and he was drinking his vodka and so I went to the kitchen and poured myself scotch. Talk about a turn around in 1 minute. Sneaky SOB. Anyway, I shared some of my previous posts on this site with my wife last night and asked her to read my first post aloud to me. It brought me to tears because it's the same exact way I'm sincerely feeling today. And it made me sad that it was 7 months to the day that I had first joined SR and I still have not achieved sobriety, or even abstinence, let alone recovery. Where have these past 7 months gone? I couldn't help but think of what things may or may not have been like had I stopped drinking on the date of my original post. But, what's done is done and I'm here today.
I get so turned off thinking about going to AA but I'm also thinking that maybe that is exactly what I need and I'm turned off because deep down I know it can help me. 2Granddaughters recently talked about self-pity and self hate being the root of this disease and that really stuck with me. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself and wanting everyone to cater to me. Time to man up, pull up these boot straps and get on with a serious change. I am worth more than this.
Leaving work early today as I haven't had a day off in 36 days straight. It may sound weak, but I don't want to be tempted in the office today at 5. I'm going home to start fixing the house and to deal with some of the mess that's been created. I will go to a local meeting tonight and I will not drink today. Sick of Day 1's. Have a great and sober weekend y'all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Go to the local meeting tonight and keep going. The trick is to keep going when you don't feel like going ... that's when you need it most.
A prayer out to you R.F.
All the best.
Bob R
A prayer out to you R.F.
All the best.
Bob R
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
There are lots of ways to achieve sobriety and recovery.. when you want it 
AA is one thing, but if your wanting to avoid it is going to get in the way of your recovery, try something else. A lot of people use Rational Recovery/AVRT, private counseling, group counseling, outpatient rehab, inpatient.. there's LOTS of paths to get you back on track, sober and loving your life.
AA is one thing, but if your wanting to avoid it is going to get in the way of your recovery, try something else. A lot of people use Rational Recovery/AVRT, private counseling, group counseling, outpatient rehab, inpatient.. there's LOTS of paths to get you back on track, sober and loving your life.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I do not feel like a meeting tonight.. But I will be there making coffee
I have been hanging around here a couple years and I just got to 90 days sober today. So don't feel bad about that.
I have lots of the same type nightmares happen to me in life. I could go on and on. I think most of us do. My problem was I couldn't deal with those things and I was drinking myself to a slow suicide. Now I am confident I can overcome obstacles in life and not need to drink over it or because of it.
AA has really helped alot. You can stay stopped too! This could be your last day 1.
I have been hanging around here a couple years and I just got to 90 days sober today. So don't feel bad about that.
I have lots of the same type nightmares happen to me in life. I could go on and on. I think most of us do. My problem was I couldn't deal with those things and I was drinking myself to a slow suicide. Now I am confident I can overcome obstacles in life and not need to drink over it or because of it.
AA has really helped alot. You can stay stopped too! This could be your last day 1.
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