Elisabeth888

More and more new people are coming into my AA group and I have found myself being prideful about my sobriety. I need to remind myself that I am one drink away from being in their boat.

I feel guilty that their slips and situations are helping me to stay sober and not want to drink. But I am SO thankful to be sober and working on my recovery.

It feels weird to be in this positive place. Sometimes I want to do something to mess it up.

Anyone else get worried when things are going well? I am not sure of the point of this post, I think I just feel like talking

Weasel1966

Ah! The sabator in me knows the pattern well. Not so much with drinking as I have not been long enough to feel like it needs some taking down. But in life I have had extended good times. When I first met my partner we had 5 solid years of bliss. Like as in real happiness. Then drugs and drinking came along. Maybe that was my way of frigging it up? Lol

Well... Be happy with what you have done! You work hard at it and it shows!

K

Nonsensical

I think this is the first stretch of sobriety I have had where I wasn't worried that things were going well.

But I remember what you mean.

When I first attended AA meetings > 20 years ago (and the problems I was having were less bad than they became) I felt like the meetings were counter-productive. I'd hear stories from others that horrified me and I would think, "Maybe I'm not an alcoholic - I never did anything that bad because of alcohol." It fed my beast, and I went back out and eventually started drinking again.

Many years of horrifying behavior later there's no doubt left that I am alcoholic. This post is my daily reminder of that.

MeSoSober

Isn't that kind of the point of the meetings? You're not wishing them ill or glorying in their misfortune, simply recognizing it as the terrible consequences of drinking. You can't help the fact that that scares and motivates you. That's just your natural human reaction as someone who wants to preserve her sobriety, so I say NO GUILT. Those people might even appreciate that something positive came from their mistakes.

I think that's natural too, to start looking over your shoulder when good things happen. I guess it's like a what-goes-up-must-come-down kind of thing.

Anyway, congrats on your good work!! I say enjoy it and let it motivate you to keep it up.

Jeni26

I'm with you here. I have always been plagued with memories of relapse. There always seemed almost an air of inevitability that it would all come crashing down around me at some point.

But just recently I've managed to learn to focus on the 'here and now' and not the 'what ifs'

And here and now is really good. I am enjoying my sober life without feeling the need to sabotage it or add a little drama into my day.

Don't feel guilty about your sober time, you earned it. And yes, we are all one step away from a drink, but its a giant step if we work at it xxx

Pondlady

Some of us were raised with chaos and it feels familiar. Living a "normal" routine life, while healthy, takes some getting used to? I'm working on this too

2granddaughters

I don't know if I'm prideful but seeing the newcomers in the meetings and being reminded that it isn't any better out there for us alcoholics reinforces my decision to keep going to the meetings.

The meetings truly are the easier, softer way for an alcoholic of my type.

All the best.

Bob R

quitforme79

I feel terrible when someone slips and saw it this week in the rooms. My heart really went out to this person; you could tell they were in a lot of physical and mental pain. I understand what you are saying though because I was also thinking how it is good to REALLY be reminded of what can happen to me if I go back out there.

At first I didn't understand why the newcomer was the most important in the room but now I know why. It reminds all of us as to what we were like and the not so newcomers and old timers represent what we are like now. As a newcomer, I needed to see that hope.

I am only one drink away from spinning back into active addiction and I am so grateful meetings are there to help me stay grounded

SophieB

My first thought when reading quit79 ..going back out there..made me think of walking in a blinding snow storm with something heavy hooked to you dredging thru the snow with no coat..just walking and searching for what??? Where is the end? That is the visualization I want to keep in my mind in relation to drinking again.. Where does it end?

The feeling of things are looking up when is something bad going to happen?
Plagues me constantly. Really trying to let that one go.

quitforme79

That's a good visual Sophie...drinking really was such a weight wearing me down. I knew it had to come to an end but saw none in sight for awhile.

I forgot to comment on this before but I too feel like something bad is going to happen at times. When that happens I ask my higher power to help me walk with grace and peace. Things were bad for me for so long I am not used to them being calm. It takes time but I think I will get there

Veritas1

I am more than just one drink away from a drunk when I seek God, follow the AA program outlined in the book, hit my knees and ask for help, turn my will and life over to God, read the pages 86-88, say the third step prayer, 7th step prayer, make a gratitude list, say other important prayers, specific to my religion, and go about my day doing the best I can.

I have much distance, more distance than someone not doing anything.

So my point is that this idea that we are the same distance from a drink is something we fool ourselves over.

We are not the same distance from a drink. We have power, we have help, we have God.

We have much distance, and will not fall so easily as long as we stay close to God, and follow our AA program daily.

Fear says...you are only one drink away from being in their boat.

Nonsense.

God has given us the power. We have recovered and have been given the power our good book promises.

Fear is the thief of dreams.

Be encouraged!

Fallow

I feel bad about this sometimes myself. I do not take pleasure in other peoples pain.. but I can learn from them without guilt.

Some meetings it is hard for me to sit there listening to people, especially newcomers who don't talk about the solution. Just another drunkalogue I think to myself. I think it is good for me to hear though because if I forget what that is like I could end up reminding myself!

noanxtime

I would not feel bad about allowing other's situations to prop you up and keep you strong. They are there helping themselves by letting things out.
I lost my job yesterday - no surprise and a bit of a relief - I had a niggling of wanting to drink on my way home but didn't stop.
Instead I came home, made some phone calls and pulled up my bad liver lab results online. Ugh - those numbers till scare the living hell out of me and I made a cup of tea.
You too can be an inspiration to them, maybe not today, but someday.

Elisabeth888

I am sorry you lost your job!

We CAN stay sober. I agree we do have the power- from God, to stay sober.

RobbyRobot

I too feel something when others return to drinking for a single night or for many nights for whatever circumstances. It isn't guilt though I feel - its humility, gratitude, hope, and renewed resolution to generously be of service to others in need, and to remember my singular place in the Universe:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927