My first post: a story like many here, I'm sure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2
My first post: a story like many here, I'm sure
Hello. This is my very first attempt at reaching out for advice or any kind of support for my situation. To be honest, I have never tried because I've been so afraid I'd be told that I am not doing enough, and that was something I just wouldn't have been able to bear. At this point I am desperate for either some sort of consolation or perhaps just to be heard. I'm not even sure anymore.
I am 26 years old, and the addict in my story is my father. I should point out that he had no history of drug addiction until around two years ago. After my grandmother passed and he was laid off from work, he went into a spiral of depression. I have had a history of depression myself, so it was something I could relate to. What I didn't know at the time is that he began using meth shortly after. Once his behavior became erratic and he begun associating with drug-using relatives, I wrote him a kind but direct letter asking him if he was using. I couldn't muster the courage to ask him directly, but I handed him the letter and he read it in front of me. He looked me in the eye and affirmed that he was not using, and was pretty convincing in his delivery. As time went on, though, he became more irrational, emotional, and just downright paranoid. He installed an extensive security system in his house, and it only became worse from there. Eventually he admitted to using (both meth and heroin), but he continues to play the victim and casts blame toward other people. He has overdosed several times already, and it is very rare that I can have a coherent conversation with him. He only talks about selling drugs and other illicit activity. To be honest, I am scared of him. I am scared of what he has become and of his behavior. He is not even remotely the person he used to be. I am in a healthy, long-term relationship with a good stable job while attending school part time, but I can barely hold myself together. I rarely sleep, and this situation contributes to this. Every time be phone rings, I am afraid it is him. When it is, it is almost invariably a loaded comment or something that seems to have manipulative intent: typical victim language. I have been nothing but kind to him: staying with him in the hospital after he had an infection from shooting heroin, giving him money (none of it was asked for), giving him an automobile to sell, paying for his attorney fee after the drug task force raided him, etc. He almost never asks how I am without following up with a request of some kind. I know this is because of the drugs, but if I so much as do one thing wrong, he thinks I just don’t care about him. He treats my step-mother worse, and I worry about her as well. My sister is much younger than I, and he has been INCREDIBLY manipulative and unfair to her as well. He has made two attempts at detox and literally broke out of both facilities, and then found a way to justify it. This is the guy that told me for years how destructive drugs are.
I feel like I am losing my mind, and for what? He thinks I don’t care anyway. I am tired of the guilt and the fear. He tortures all of us and thinks only about himself. Clearly this is because of the drugs, but how much longer am I supposed to endure this? Until I collapse?
I want to live my life, but I feel as though I am not entitled to. I want to maintain this positive lifestyle and be the best I can for the love of my life… She deserves the world, and I can’t give it to her when I’m such a nervous wreck. For every positive thing I do, I feel pang of guilt for it, and I am pretty sure this is what he wants.
I am 26 years old, and the addict in my story is my father. I should point out that he had no history of drug addiction until around two years ago. After my grandmother passed and he was laid off from work, he went into a spiral of depression. I have had a history of depression myself, so it was something I could relate to. What I didn't know at the time is that he began using meth shortly after. Once his behavior became erratic and he begun associating with drug-using relatives, I wrote him a kind but direct letter asking him if he was using. I couldn't muster the courage to ask him directly, but I handed him the letter and he read it in front of me. He looked me in the eye and affirmed that he was not using, and was pretty convincing in his delivery. As time went on, though, he became more irrational, emotional, and just downright paranoid. He installed an extensive security system in his house, and it only became worse from there. Eventually he admitted to using (both meth and heroin), but he continues to play the victim and casts blame toward other people. He has overdosed several times already, and it is very rare that I can have a coherent conversation with him. He only talks about selling drugs and other illicit activity. To be honest, I am scared of him. I am scared of what he has become and of his behavior. He is not even remotely the person he used to be. I am in a healthy, long-term relationship with a good stable job while attending school part time, but I can barely hold myself together. I rarely sleep, and this situation contributes to this. Every time be phone rings, I am afraid it is him. When it is, it is almost invariably a loaded comment or something that seems to have manipulative intent: typical victim language. I have been nothing but kind to him: staying with him in the hospital after he had an infection from shooting heroin, giving him money (none of it was asked for), giving him an automobile to sell, paying for his attorney fee after the drug task force raided him, etc. He almost never asks how I am without following up with a request of some kind. I know this is because of the drugs, but if I so much as do one thing wrong, he thinks I just don’t care about him. He treats my step-mother worse, and I worry about her as well. My sister is much younger than I, and he has been INCREDIBLY manipulative and unfair to her as well. He has made two attempts at detox and literally broke out of both facilities, and then found a way to justify it. This is the guy that told me for years how destructive drugs are.
I feel like I am losing my mind, and for what? He thinks I don’t care anyway. I am tired of the guilt and the fear. He tortures all of us and thinks only about himself. Clearly this is because of the drugs, but how much longer am I supposed to endure this? Until I collapse?
I want to live my life, but I feel as though I am not entitled to. I want to maintain this positive lifestyle and be the best I can for the love of my life… She deserves the world, and I can’t give it to her when I’m such a nervous wreck. For every positive thing I do, I feel pang of guilt for it, and I am pretty sure this is what he wants.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Marcus.
Whatever the reason, your father is a sick man and not thinking clearly. Often blaming others is our way of not taking responsibility for ourselves and our behaviour. This is common with active addiction.
Take a good read around here and you will see that what he is doing really has nothing to do with you, and that nothing you do or don't do will change his behaviour, only he can do that for himself when he is ready. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here.
Please don't lost your soul to this, or your happier relationships. Losing yourself to his addiction won't save him from himself either, it will just take you down with him. I know because my son's addiction almost did that to me.
There are good meetings out there for families and friends of addicted loved ones. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us find our balance again, and our sanity. Maybe give them a try and see it they don't help you.
And stick around, there are many here who would like to welcome you also and share what has helped them through the darker days.
Hugs
Whatever the reason, your father is a sick man and not thinking clearly. Often blaming others is our way of not taking responsibility for ourselves and our behaviour. This is common with active addiction.
Take a good read around here and you will see that what he is doing really has nothing to do with you, and that nothing you do or don't do will change his behaviour, only he can do that for himself when he is ready. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here.
Please don't lost your soul to this, or your happier relationships. Losing yourself to his addiction won't save him from himself either, it will just take you down with him. I know because my son's addiction almost did that to me.
There are good meetings out there for families and friends of addicted loved ones. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us find our balance again, and our sanity. Maybe give them a try and see it they don't help you.
And stick around, there are many here who would like to welcome you also and share what has helped them through the darker days.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
Definitely find support- Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, Families-Anon, Ala-Teen for your sister maybe, online forums like Sober Recovery, and/or a good therapist can really help. Maybe your step-mother, significant other, or sister will want to join you for meetings because addiction is a family disease and so much more hurtful than the addict ever imagines.
Sounds like you are enabling your dad and he is using guilt/obligation to manipulate you. Seems like you realize that this is a toxic cycle. I think you need to set some boudaries for yourself.
Good luck.
Sounds like you are enabling your dad and he is using guilt/obligation to manipulate you. Seems like you realize that this is a toxic cycle. I think you need to set some boudaries for yourself.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
Ugh .... I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Drugs and alcohol are devastating to families. The main addict/alcoholic in my life is my 22 year old son. I've learned a lot of things about addiction thanks to him. ;-) One of the main things I learned is that there is not one single thing that I can do to make him stop. I can not control my son and you can not control your father. The best thing you can do is take care of YOU. Keep reading here. Look into attending some alanon meetings. Its possible if you stop rescuing and helping your Dad that he will sooner hit his bottom and want to get help. Or, maybe it won't.
Unfortunately, you can not love an addict sober- if you could we'd have very few addicts in the world.
Unfortunately, you can not love an addict sober- if you could we'd have very few addicts in the world.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 147
Hello,Marcus and welcome. I have not been on this forum long but have been involved with Al-Anon for about 4 years. Wonderful program. I agree with the others about finding a group and maybe a sponsor when you get to.know some of the people there. Ask around. I encourage you to try to get your family members involved as well. I wish that I had educated myself on addiction 10 years ago when my father was dying from the results of it.Now I am married to an addict/alcoholic who blames me for everything from the destruction of our marriage to his using.Also, my only siblings, my brother is an alcoholic. So,I can relate with you.Keep your head up.Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
You did not cause it, you can not cure it, you can not control it.
It's agonizing to see someone we care about in the grips of addcition, that being said, your happiness is more important than anything else.
Your father is a very very sick man, please, begin your own journey of healing.
We are here Marcus, we care a great deal.
Hope to see lots more postings from you.
Much love to you and yours, Katie
It's agonizing to see someone we care about in the grips of addcition, that being said, your happiness is more important than anything else.
Your father is a very very sick man, please, begin your own journey of healing.
We are here Marcus, we care a great deal.
Hope to see lots more postings from you.
Much love to you and yours, Katie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
To be honest, I have never tried because I've been so afraid I'd be told that I am not doing enough, and that was something I just wouldn't have been able to bear.
The line above is what really struck me from your post. It said so much. I think the fear of being told that we aren't doing ENOUGH to help the addict get sober is unbearable for most of us. I've certainly had those thoughts before and it is that fear that often drives us into very enabling behaviors.
You won't hear "you're not doing enough for him" here on SR. Because, in most cases, we do waaaaaay too much for the addict because of the manipulative tactics they use and the fear and guilt of "not doing enough". Marcus, addiction feeds on that fear. It depends on it.
We are very very big on self care around here. And usually, most of us are doing too much for the addict and not enough for ourselves. At some point in time we need to hear someone say "Its OK to take care of yourself!" And "It's ok NOT to allow the addict to use your Fear, sense of Obligation, and Guilt to get you to do things that you don't want to do!"
When we are reacting to the addict out of Fear, Obligation and Guilt, we are in a F.O.G. And we can't make rational choices. It took time.....but if I'm around the addict and I'm feeling icky.....I can usually pinpoint one of those things driving the icky feeling and I know I need to step away.
Addiction is a family disease. As the addict's use and behaviors spiral out of control....we take on the responsibilities of the addict. We try to keep their life together. We worry. we obsess. We try to control something that we can't control. The addict. And then our lives, mental health, physical health, personalities, behaviors......all begin to spiral too.
So how do we deal with all of this? We admit that we are powerless over the addict....that our lives have become unmanageable. And we begin the process of taking our lives back.
Stick around. Make friends. Ask questions. Vent. But most of all I gently suggest that you begin helping yourself first. It's a process. It doesn't happen overnight. But there is a way for you to find serenity.....whether your father continues to use drugs.....or not.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome to SR.
The addict does not get to be the most important person in the family. In recovery, it is the greatest good for the greatest number philosophy for families, and that means that one out-of-control drug addict does not get to destroy everyone else in the family just because he refuses treatment and a sober life.
You cannot talk to addiction. You can only change your actions toward it. And that means no more loaning, no more babysitting in hospital rooms, no more listening to his BS on the phone. Don't try to talk him out of heroin and meth, it will never work. Addicts hear what we do, not what we say.
You really need some recovery support because this crisis has got you in a very bad place mentally, emotionally, physically. You will not do well if you try to handle this alone. Your father will be a drug addict for the rest of his life, the rest of your life. You will need ongoing support. Meetings and probably counseling. If you try to handle this alone, it will break you.
He was a grown man when he picked up those drugs, Marcus. He was not 14 years old. He was a grown man who didn't want to deal with the unchangeable realities of life. He was a grown man with a lot of life experience and he picked up meth. It was his choice to do so. And he will not escape the consequences.
No one else should pay the consequences for the choice he made. Don't make excuses for him. He did this. It is his sole responsibility to get himself out of it. If he doesn't, he should never take you, your sister, your spouse, or anyone else with him as he goes down for the choice HE made.
You'll have to get tough. Softness will enable him and dissolve you. So please get some serious help.
The addict does not get to be the most important person in the family. In recovery, it is the greatest good for the greatest number philosophy for families, and that means that one out-of-control drug addict does not get to destroy everyone else in the family just because he refuses treatment and a sober life.
You cannot talk to addiction. You can only change your actions toward it. And that means no more loaning, no more babysitting in hospital rooms, no more listening to his BS on the phone. Don't try to talk him out of heroin and meth, it will never work. Addicts hear what we do, not what we say.
You really need some recovery support because this crisis has got you in a very bad place mentally, emotionally, physically. You will not do well if you try to handle this alone. Your father will be a drug addict for the rest of his life, the rest of your life. You will need ongoing support. Meetings and probably counseling. If you try to handle this alone, it will break you.
He was a grown man when he picked up those drugs, Marcus. He was not 14 years old. He was a grown man who didn't want to deal with the unchangeable realities of life. He was a grown man with a lot of life experience and he picked up meth. It was his choice to do so. And he will not escape the consequences.
No one else should pay the consequences for the choice he made. Don't make excuses for him. He did this. It is his sole responsibility to get himself out of it. If he doesn't, he should never take you, your sister, your spouse, or anyone else with him as he goes down for the choice HE made.
You'll have to get tough. Softness will enable him and dissolve you. So please get some serious help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 59
You've actually gone beyond and above the call of duty, and it's time to have compassion for yourself.
There are lots of good articles in the stickies, and lots of people here who know what you're going through. You're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hello Marcus, I'm so sorry for what has brought you here. It is such a difficult reality finding out there simply isn't much we can do to help our addicts. My 22 year old son is addicted to meth and doesn't want help. I tried for several years to "talk him into recovery", tried to encourage him and basically made myself crazy trying to impose my will onto him. I now agree with so many of these previous posts. Each time he comes to me with a crisis of some type and I simply ask "are you ready to seek treatment"...the answer is always "no". So my next question (to myself) is always "why should I expend my precious energy and time to fix something for him when he is capable of doing it himself". I have become much better at setting boundries and assuring him "until you are ready for help there isn't anything I can do to assist you. When you ARE ready please get in touch with me". This message doesn't slam the door closed. It just lets them know you aren't willing to chase your own tail anymore while they continue their pattern of destructive behavior. If nothing changes....nothing changes. You can initiate change in yourself and hopefully at some point he'll want the same for himself. I heard a great saying that I reflect upon when I need strength. "My son's higher power cannot step in to help if I'm busy blocking the door way". So true. Marcus, do please continue coming back here. There is so much support here. I do attend al-anon meetings and have found them to be a source of great strength. It may take a couple of different meetings before you find on you feel comfortable with but I agree with the others in that you, your sister, your step mother...will only benefit from time well spent on yourselves. Be good to yourself, be patient with yourself. I'm so glad you reached out. You are clearly a thoughtful person and solid, appropriate boundaries really are the best gift you can give yourself...and the others you love. Big hug to you today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Lots of good advice here....you need to help yourself at this point, as suggested by going to anon meetings for support. You have gone above & beyond the call of duty as a loving daughter. But you are being greatly affected by HIS addiction & behavior. Get some help for yourself and heal from it. I pray for your situation. It is hard to detach from family members. I go to AA meeting as I am an alcoholic, but I have a son who has drug/alcohol problems that I feel guilty for and have been advised to hit some al-anon meetings to help me help myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 157
Marcus,
I am fairly new to this sight but I can tell you it has saved my sanity and maybe my life! Stay around here. Ask questions. I can tell you these people have lived your life. They know what they are talking about.
I totally understand the meth train to crazy town. I have an AH on meth. His mind doesn't make sense. (he also installed extensive security systems and is still obsessed with making it "better") Some of his behavior is just not even logical. It helps that I read about, and studied what meth does. I have also ask a lot of questions to meth addicts that have experience. (forum under substance abuse) It helped me understand that It is NOT ME that is crazy. That this is how the meth addict "thinks" It's not you...
But most important take care of you. This is hard to do for most of us. I am just new to learning and, putting this in effect in my own life.
If or when you can please read through the threads above this forum of Codependency and the Family. You will find sanity there.
I'm glad that you found this place....
Best for you,
blueholly
I am fairly new to this sight but I can tell you it has saved my sanity and maybe my life! Stay around here. Ask questions. I can tell you these people have lived your life. They know what they are talking about.
I totally understand the meth train to crazy town. I have an AH on meth. His mind doesn't make sense. (he also installed extensive security systems and is still obsessed with making it "better") Some of his behavior is just not even logical. It helps that I read about, and studied what meth does. I have also ask a lot of questions to meth addicts that have experience. (forum under substance abuse) It helped me understand that It is NOT ME that is crazy. That this is how the meth addict "thinks" It's not you...
But most important take care of you. This is hard to do for most of us. I am just new to learning and, putting this in effect in my own life.
If or when you can please read through the threads above this forum of Codependency and the Family. You will find sanity there.
I'm glad that you found this place....
Best for you,
blueholly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2
Thank you so much
I am overwhelmed by the replies here. It is obvious that you all have gone or are still going through this yourselves, and I wish I'd been willing to step forward before. I supposed I just needed to hear that I am not a cold-hearted *******. What has made it more difficult is that my father is incredibly intelligent, so his manipulative tactics are that much more effective. He will often say things like "People always say that an addict needs to hit bottom first, but that's not true!" This obviously makes me that much more hesitant to make any space between us. With my sister, he even went so far as to say "If anything happens, I hope you can look yourself in the mirror and say you couldn't have done more." She was only 15 at the time. This was probably the sickest and most terrible thing he ever did to her. This was someone who he loved probably more than anyone. I know he is not in his right mind, and I agree that I need to make some space. I will definitely continue participating in these forums. I've received more help and sound advice in the past few hours from all of you than I could have imagined. Thank you so much.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
MarcusBlack, when I first came to SR my mother was the addict in my life. I finally wrote her a letter detailing all my feelings, read it out loud with a trusted friend beside me, and burned it. I went to Al-Anon. For several years I chose to go no contact. For my sanity, nothing more or less. It was the best thing I could have done for myself.
My mother eventually entered recovery, we were on wonderful terms until her death (from Huntington's Disease) and I wouldn't trade those finally years for the world.
This is the key for me. Without the support of Al-Anon and going no contact until I was able and strong enough to put boundaries up, I never would have had the beautiful relationship I did with her.
Good luck in all your endeavors, know you are in my thoughts.
My mother eventually entered recovery, we were on wonderful terms until her death (from Huntington's Disease) and I wouldn't trade those finally years for the world.
This is the key for me. Without the support of Al-Anon and going no contact until I was able and strong enough to put boundaries up, I never would have had the beautiful relationship I did with her.
Good luck in all your endeavors, know you are in my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
so sorry. it is very painful losing a loved one to addiction.
for me, no contact is the best. he will not change unless he wants to. it is almost like a death i am sure. that is how i felt at least. try to talk to a counselor, go to meetings and let yourself feel. try to exercise, eat right and get through school. im sure your father sober would want the best for you. focus on your life, goals and health.
an addict causes nothing but pain.
blessings
for me, no contact is the best. he will not change unless he wants to. it is almost like a death i am sure. that is how i felt at least. try to talk to a counselor, go to meetings and let yourself feel. try to exercise, eat right and get through school. im sure your father sober would want the best for you. focus on your life, goals and health.
an addict causes nothing but pain.
blessings
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Savannah
Posts: 190
I can relate so much to your situation. All of the posts on here have told you just about everything you need to hear. I know you said your father thinks you don't love him but that is not true; he only has you believing that so he can continue to manipulate you. My brother has done the same thing. The hardest thing I have learned on this forum is to step away from the drama filled lifestyle an addict leads. That is an incredibly difficult task because it makes you feel like you are not doing enough but I have learned that contributing, in any way, to my brother's druggie lifestyle makes him worse.
Please stay on this forum. There is a wealth of information on here & a ton of support. I am slowly getting better because of the advice on this forums.
Please stay on this forum. There is a wealth of information on here & a ton of support. I am slowly getting better because of the advice on this forums.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Hi Marcus. I can't offer anymore advice than the other far wiser members here on SR already have. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I joined SR because one of my oldest, dearest friends became a cocaine addict. But once joining SR I realised my reasons for becoming so embroiled in the relationship with H - why I practically stopped living my own life - is because my dad was an alcoholic - and I had serious co-dependency issues.
I am now 39 years old. My dad died 10 years ago - at the age of 51 - as an indirect result of years and years of alcohol abuse. I was right where you are when Dad was still alive (he died when I was 27).... he died in my arms. I believed that I had not done enough to help me. I blamed myself. I blamed my mum. I was so angry with the world. I always felt sorry for my Dad. He too was highly intelligent. Certainly an 'intellectual'. Only now, almost 11 years after his death am I getting the critical help I needed - as to how to 'live' and 'deal' with an addict father. My younger brother (who tragically was killed in a car crash at the age of 23) was the most damaged by my father's addiction. Marty slowly withdrew into himself... he stopped talking about Dad... he cried.. he blamed himself. My father manipulated us all. He destroyed and broke down his young, beautiful family. Marcus, a father / son relationship is one of the most precious relationships we can experience as human beings - but on the flip side - a toxic relationship can be the most damaging. As it will begin to define you as a young man - IF YOU DON"T get serious support. You have your entire life to live - it sounds as though you are doing really well!! Keep your head up. Keep on smiling. Keep going Marcus. Get support. Know you are not alone. Truly trust the power of the human spirit. Trust God. Pray. Believe it or not - if you arm yourself with knowledge - AND know you are completely loved by God.... you will survive. You will MORE than survive. You will mature in ways you never imagined... Don't let your father's addiction break your spirit. Nobody has that right. NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!
I am now 39 years old. My dad died 10 years ago - at the age of 51 - as an indirect result of years and years of alcohol abuse. I was right where you are when Dad was still alive (he died when I was 27).... he died in my arms. I believed that I had not done enough to help me. I blamed myself. I blamed my mum. I was so angry with the world. I always felt sorry for my Dad. He too was highly intelligent. Certainly an 'intellectual'. Only now, almost 11 years after his death am I getting the critical help I needed - as to how to 'live' and 'deal' with an addict father. My younger brother (who tragically was killed in a car crash at the age of 23) was the most damaged by my father's addiction. Marty slowly withdrew into himself... he stopped talking about Dad... he cried.. he blamed himself. My father manipulated us all. He destroyed and broke down his young, beautiful family. Marcus, a father / son relationship is one of the most precious relationships we can experience as human beings - but on the flip side - a toxic relationship can be the most damaging. As it will begin to define you as a young man - IF YOU DON"T get serious support. You have your entire life to live - it sounds as though you are doing really well!! Keep your head up. Keep on smiling. Keep going Marcus. Get support. Know you are not alone. Truly trust the power of the human spirit. Trust God. Pray. Believe it or not - if you arm yourself with knowledge - AND know you are completely loved by God.... you will survive. You will MORE than survive. You will mature in ways you never imagined... Don't let your father's addiction break your spirit. Nobody has that right. NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
He will often say things like "People always say that an addict needs to hit bottom first, but that's not true!" This obviously makes me that much more hesitant to make any space between us. With my sister, he even went so far as to say "If anything happens, I hope you can look yourself in the mirror and say you couldn't have done more." She was only 15 at the time. This was probably the sickest and most terrible thing he ever did to her
Active addicts use hurtful words to manipulate those around them. The one button that seems to work for them is the "guilt" button..."it's your fault", "I can't do this without you helping me", "If you weren't so selfish you would spend more time helping me", "you are a terrible mother/sister/spouse/child/person and it's all you fault I am like this"...you catch the drift.
Addicts need to blame someone, otherwise they might have to take responsibility for their own behaviour and face the truth.
I hope you and your family will find support meetings and learn to find your balance again.
Hugs
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