Ive spoken of triggers before... :,l
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Ive spoken of triggers before... :,l
my daughter brought home head lice from school today. Oh man what a day!!! Her long hair is her pride and joy and I just couldn't cut it. I decided to post about it partly because I can't really tell anyone it would embarrass her so badly and mostly because it reminded me so much of my mom.
I had it more times than I could count as a child, in fact, I don't think it ever really went away until I moved in with my dad. My mother would rake that stupid comb through my hair for hours and hours. Tell me I was a filthy child with a rats nest and beaten me for the bugs for years. She would yell and scream, fly into tyraids because they never went away. It was so traumatizing and is one of the main topics of discussion with my counsellor. now here it is back again, but this time I am mommy. This time I am not powerless. This time I can fix it. She doesn't have to be traumatized. I took a time out and went to the back porch and cried and cried. Then mentally kicked myself and said ok. lets do this. I explained to her what was happening and said its ok. It happened to mommy to. No one at school will have to know and God is good because we caught it right away before the quarterly check by the school. She is only six and started crying so we played spa day. I pretended the RID was hair dye and we spent about 4 hours combing out the vile creatures and listening to music and talking and bonding. we put mayonaise masks in our hair and she went to bed all wrapped up in plastic wrap stinking like mayo and saying I love you mom, thanks for not yelling at me. Did your mom do that for you? I lied and nodded and came out here and cried and cried. My poor foolish mom. Stupid pills. stupid bugs for reminding me of her. Now after having written this I am feeling empowered. I am feeling closure in a strange sort of way. wow this turned out to be longer than I thought. thanks for letting me vent. I just feel like tonight was a big "eff you mom! Im better than that! Im better than you. I didn't make my daughter feel the way you made me feel... whether Im an addict or codependent just like you." the buck stops here.
I had it more times than I could count as a child, in fact, I don't think it ever really went away until I moved in with my dad. My mother would rake that stupid comb through my hair for hours and hours. Tell me I was a filthy child with a rats nest and beaten me for the bugs for years. She would yell and scream, fly into tyraids because they never went away. It was so traumatizing and is one of the main topics of discussion with my counsellor. now here it is back again, but this time I am mommy. This time I am not powerless. This time I can fix it. She doesn't have to be traumatized. I took a time out and went to the back porch and cried and cried. Then mentally kicked myself and said ok. lets do this. I explained to her what was happening and said its ok. It happened to mommy to. No one at school will have to know and God is good because we caught it right away before the quarterly check by the school. She is only six and started crying so we played spa day. I pretended the RID was hair dye and we spent about 4 hours combing out the vile creatures and listening to music and talking and bonding. we put mayonaise masks in our hair and she went to bed all wrapped up in plastic wrap stinking like mayo and saying I love you mom, thanks for not yelling at me. Did your mom do that for you? I lied and nodded and came out here and cried and cried. My poor foolish mom. Stupid pills. stupid bugs for reminding me of her. Now after having written this I am feeling empowered. I am feeling closure in a strange sort of way. wow this turned out to be longer than I thought. thanks for letting me vent. I just feel like tonight was a big "eff you mom! Im better than that! Im better than you. I didn't make my daughter feel the way you made me feel... whether Im an addict or codependent just like you." the buck stops here.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
What a beautiful testament to healing. It is wonderful when we can break the cycle and choose to raise our children different to the way we were raised.
As far as the lice, a friend told me she DID dye her daughter's hair to get rid of the lice and it worked lol. Proper soap (like handmade soap) also kills the little buggers if you leave it on for 10 minutes or so. Good luck and you did so well.
As far as the lice, a friend told me she DID dye her daughter's hair to get rid of the lice and it worked lol. Proper soap (like handmade soap) also kills the little buggers if you leave it on for 10 minutes or so. Good luck and you did so well.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
You are such a wonderful loving mama. You took care of yourself and your sweet daughter in such a creative, compassionate, loving way. I am touched reading your story of you ended the cycle of addiction and suffering and transformed it into one of love and understanding. So beautiful!
Keep sharing about this and letting the emotions come. You're doing so great! I need your positive example for when I get triggered from past trauma too. Hugs! xo
Keep sharing about this and letting the emotions come. You're doing so great! I need your positive example for when I get triggered from past trauma too. Hugs! xo
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
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Wow! Powerful post. You're sweet little girl is so lucky to have a mother who is so loving. She will grow up with very different memories of the "lice incident". Spa day....what a great way to deal with the situation.
I hope that this experience was cathartic for you....healing......and that it helps you to let go of your painful past.
gentle hugs
ke
I hope that this experience was cathartic for you....healing......and that it helps you to let go of your painful past.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
You are a wonderful Mamma! Sending hugs your way and thank you for sharing such an impactful message. I too have dealt with the head lice with all my kids and it is scary for such a young girl to have to go through. I am sure she felt safe and stress free through the process 
Hugs
Teresa
Hugs
Teresa
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
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Thanks you guys and guess what? all those memories gave me fresh strength to continue to keep the boy I always talk about out of the kids lives for a long long time. I am still willing to play with fire and watch his recovery, but they can think he went away to school for a lot longer than I had originally planned. If he loves them like he says he does, he can prove it. There once was a lady who lived in Belgium in he 1940s and her name was Corrie Tenboom and she wrote a book called The Hiding Place and in it her sister prays and says "Thank you God for the fleas" well... God is good all the time :,)
and guess what? all those memories gave me fresh strength to continue to keep the boy I always talk about out of the kids lives for a long long time. I am still willing to play with fire and watch his recovery, but they can think he went away to school for a lot longer than I had originally planned. If he loves them like he says he does, he can prove it. There once was a lady who lived in Belgium in he 1940s and her name was Corrie Tenboom and she wrote a book called The Hiding Place and in it her sister prays and says "Thank you God for the fleas" well... God is good all the time :,)
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
I love what Anvil said about doing something for your daughter but also the little girl inside of you...there are a lot of metaphysical ideas about caring for your past self. re: if you believe that your actions today will affect your future...then why can't your actions today affect your past. re: you CAN send care and love to your own little self, and keep healing the old wounds. In fact, in some ways for me I had to let go of the neglectful parent which was so hurtful to my spirit (read: rats nests, nose and ear infections, no clothes, etc...which I almost actually DIED from neglect because the infection ran down into spinal menengitis!!) but I had to let her go (for-give) and take over the responsibility of parenting my-self, that sad neglected child had to get some love and care or I would continue to BE her. Does that make sense?
I wish you the best in caring and loving that little girl within. She is not alone.
Also...please consider sending a tip to the school that there is a break out!! Anonymously even if you prefer...getting lice is obviously not a matter of being dirty, right? They jump heads!! Make the school aware...or they may even jump back! You can help deter a lot of other kids from suffering...maybe even from suffering like you did with mothers who do not have the capacity to care or act.
I wish you the best in caring and loving that little girl within. She is not alone.
Also...please consider sending a tip to the school that there is a break out!! Anonymously even if you prefer...getting lice is obviously not a matter of being dirty, right? They jump heads!! Make the school aware...or they may even jump back! You can help deter a lot of other kids from suffering...maybe even from suffering like you did with mothers who do not have the capacity to care or act.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Seriously. Lice is really common. Don't sweat it or be embarrassed. It can be super hard to get rid of - it takes several weeks for the eggs to hatch so it just keeps reinfesting.
I totally recommend:
Awesome product! All natural. Preventative too. It has essential oils in it that prevent reinfestation. It lasts for 2 years so it's absolutely worth the investment. (And it smells good - like coconut and essential oils).
You also might want to go to the vet and pick up some stuff called Mycenex and spray down your couch with it. That will kill any eggs that escaped onto your couch or bedding.
You really should let the school know. Most likely other kids have it and until all the little heads are clean it'll make it hard to keep your daughter from getting it back again. Also, if her hair is long, you might want to start putting it in braids and keeping it tied back and up off her shoulders when she goes to school. It helps prevent the lice from jumping off one kids head and onto the other. I ended up having to shave my sons head (but he likes it that way).
I totally recommend:
Awesome product! All natural. Preventative too. It has essential oils in it that prevent reinfestation. It lasts for 2 years so it's absolutely worth the investment. (And it smells good - like coconut and essential oils).
You also might want to go to the vet and pick up some stuff called Mycenex and spray down your couch with it. That will kill any eggs that escaped onto your couch or bedding.
You really should let the school know. Most likely other kids have it and until all the little heads are clean it'll make it hard to keep your daughter from getting it back again. Also, if her hair is long, you might want to start putting it in braids and keeping it tied back and up off her shoulders when she goes to school. It helps prevent the lice from jumping off one kids head and onto the other. I ended up having to shave my sons head (but he likes it that way).
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Hi Lily,
Thank you for sharing that.It almost sounds like this was put in your path to help you heal.
Your little girl is so lucky to have you for a Momma! It is interesting that she asked you about your Mom. Almost sounds like she has some intuition.
My Mom is a very loving sweet lady. Her Mom was not. Sometimes I wish I could be her Momma and give her back the love she gives me; the love he should have gotten from a Mother.
Peace,
Hanna
Thank you for sharing that.It almost sounds like this was put in your path to help you heal.
Your little girl is so lucky to have you for a Momma! It is interesting that she asked you about your Mom. Almost sounds like she has some intuition.
My Mom is a very loving sweet lady. Her Mom was not. Sometimes I wish I could be her Momma and give her back the love she gives me; the love he should have gotten from a Mother.
Peace,
Hanna
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
I let the school know. They are gonna check heads today and have the carpets shampooed over the weekend. I use vinegar and mayonaise in addition to RID. I think it never went away when I was a kid cuz my mom was to high to care about washing the sheets. so my pillows would just reinfest me over and over
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Thank you for sharing this touching story. I used to be a teacher, and lice is very common in the schools. I had it back when I was 6, too. You are right about your pillow reinfecting you. I've heard it's the same way with stuffed animals. If she has some in her room, you might want to wash them in hot water. My mom used to say bad things to me, too. She was also neglectful of me, but blamed me (she was an addict, too). It is wonderful that you have broken the cycle of pain.
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