Mirage74

This is sort of a confession. I'm back on day 1. I just need to get this off my chest. I tried to quit last week, made it 3 days and then went on a bender. It is just so hard to quit. I wake up every morning swearing I'll never drink again and then this time of day comes around and all I want to do is drink. It's like nothing else matters. I just can't imagine complete sobriety is that great. But, as many times as I've tried, I just can't drink like a normal person. So, it's like I'm stuck in no mans land - I know I can't drink any more but I keep going back to it.

Well, I'm going to try again. Try to make it though tonight and start day 2 tomorrow...

julez

Welcome back! We all have tried many times, and failed. Don't beat yourself up, just get back on the horse, and while you're up there, figure out a way to not repeat the same mistakes. Are you in any program? Have you read any literature? I find that sitting down and reading, and identifying with what I'm readin keeps me busy enough that the craving passes. Hang in there, one minute at a time!

Anna

I'm glad you're back, but you're right it does take a lot of motivation. If this time of day is the hardest for you, why not shake up your routine and do something completely different at this time.

Hevyn

Hi Mirage. It is hard and frustrating in the beginning, but it does get better as you get some sober time behind you. It won't always feel this way. As Julez said, many of us have tried and failed in the past. I did it for 30 yrs. before coming here and finding the strength to stop for good. You can do it, Mirage. We promise it will get easier as you go along, and you'll find you don't need it as much as you think you do.

Congratulations for coming back and giving it another try.

clight

Hi Mirage!

Your on day 1 so take your day 1 day by day. Most of us are in the same place as you and your right it is hard but you have to want it that bad. The first 3 to 4 days are VERY hard! Your right we can't drink like normal persons. Maybe I can tell you a little bit what I do when my time at 4 pm or 5 pm is when I want to drink I have plans already made that I am sticking to. So at that time I am around my family and looking at my mother.... honestly I don't even think about it. We talk, we eat etc.... Another thing I do that I don't remember who had told me here on SR is to make a list of what you gain from drinking and what you don't. And your results are scary with health, family, work, relationship.... I can go on and on. I didn't last plenty of times and to tell you the truth it is always those first up to 5 days then its just a excuse to me. We will always make a excuse to drink but if we really want it there is no excuse. Trust me after those 4, 5 days I was already a different person. 1 day at a time. I came to the conclusion that I don't drink and I also told myself that means not even 1 at anytime in the future because I know from plenty of day ones where it has taken me.

pravchaw

Keep on quitting - and one day you will quit for good. Its a numbers game. Even if chances of quitting for an alcoholic is 1% per quit attempt - if you do it a hundred times you are guaranteed to quit for good. Simple math - 100 X 1% = 100%

Dee74

I promise you it's better than what you have now

Early recovery is rough tho - no doubt about it - noone does this alone...not easily anyway.

whats your support like Mirage74?

D

Recovery1983

I understand what you were trying to say Pravchow, but I couldn't resist since I do love math and statistics.

If chances of quitting were 1% for each attempt, you would still have the same odds on the 10th try, 20th try, 30th try,....100th try. Look at it this way, if you to have ping pong balls in a bucket numbered 1-100, every time you stick your hand and randomly pick one, you would still have the same odds of getting a certain number. However, if you were to remove each ping pong ball after each picking, your odds would get better until you hit that number you were looking for.

I'm hope i'm not coming off pretentiously, the math side of me couldnt resist. Either way, I hope no one has to go through that many times. If you were anything like me, each relapse was more self destructing with greater consequences. By 100th relapse, i'd probably be in prison already.

Mirage74

Thanks everyone for the replies. It's helpful to get feedback from people that have been through it before. I have tried AA before but have never been able to really get into it. Working the steps seems daunting to me. I actually had a sponser about 6 months ago, and when I started drinking again, I quit calling him. It's funny, he actually called me a few days ago and left me a voicemail and told me not to lose his number. I am going to call him. I guess Ill give AA another try.

I just get so depressed at night if I'm not drinking. Drinking (temporarily) takes me out of it). But I was reading someone else's post saying that the drinking is actually contributing to the depression.

So, anyway, still day 1, still sober. Thanks again...

773niki

I hated AA and I'm 4.5 months sober and I finally embraced the program because it has worked for millions of people. I committed to 90 meetings in 90 days when I couldn't force myself to go to one a month. I couldn't go a day without vodka. Today, 131 days in, I feel AMAZING. No joke. That **** works. You got nothing to lose, that's how I looked at it. I tried eVERYTHING else...nothing worked. So far, this does. good LUck!

Spinach

Day I again, no big problem, you need to keep on giving up till you get a plan that works.
I can't imagine many get it right on the first attempt. If any.
It's good your here, remember you haven't failed in the morning so your plan needs to be around the time you might,also try and remember the pleasure of waking knowing you didn't drink the night before, even if you didn't sleep that well you might have rested better.
So keep that going with each day comes a great sense of pride , start again go for 5 then 7 a magic 10, 14, 15 and on. If you fail remember how many days you have not drunk be proud and start again.
The first few weeks aren't easy so keep a focus but as things move on you'll find you might check how many days once a week or longer and soon life will feel free for you no shackles no worry more money an easier life and you find your life never really needed it, the way you feel about it now. Honestly ! Remember its today that counts and each day and each attempt gets you closer.
John.

pravchaw

Yes you are right provided each subsequent attempt were random & independent and not associated with the previous attempt (like a coin toss). A quit attempt is not random and previous quit attempts do affect subsequent quit attempts and increase the odds of success. (Each relapse and failed quit attempt is a learning opportunity). Its like learning to ride a bike or trying to lose weight or playing the stock market - human being are constantly learning and incorporating the leanings of failed attempts into their lives.