sadwife

Well AH has been sneaking around drinking again. I opened the basement door and he was sneaking a sip from his hidden bottle. Soooo sad cause he was doing so well. I was just paying bills and found a receipt for a lunch he had and sure enough there was a bar tab on it. Oh well life goes on. I guess I am a little disappointed. I thought he would be one of the lucky ones who make it. Guess he shouldn't of stopped going to AA!! I am going to finish the bills and watch TV. When AH comes home I will try and restrain myself from letting him know I know his little secret. Thanks for listening, I know someone here will understand how I feel. Hope at least some one out there is having a better night then I am. Thanks for listening.

Gabe

Sadwife,
I'm sorry you're disappointed. It's hard when someone who takes up a lot of room in your heart lets you down.
I hope you manage to have a nice night, despite the disappointment.
Hugs to you from me,
Gabe

sadwife

Just getting a quick answer from you made me smile. I guess things could always be worse. Thanks for the pick me up.

kodfishy

You poor thing.
(((((hugs)))))
Can you do something nice for yourself? Is there still time to get your nails done or make some cookies?
I'm hoping that God grants you the serenity...

sadwife

Yes I can! I am going to walk a couple of miles on the old treadmill. To me it helps with the stress. AH should be hoime soon and I will try and have a good night. The same goes to all of you out there in the same shoes as me. :o

Kimnat

Dear sadwife,
Have you no other choice? I don't know your situation or what you've been thru, but I tend to have a very low tolerance level...sorry. Sometimes ultimatums are what they need! I know my F-I-L has changed a lot since we've changed our attitudes about his (not our) problem....
Hang in there....I don't know the rest, I'm just reacting!

sadwife

You sound like someone who has been through a lot. No offense taken. I know you mean well. I know it's my choice to stay. I hope to one day see him healthy again. I did do the ultimatum with him and he went through rehab in Oct. and was doing well until a couple months ago. Then the relapses came more frequently. Now it is probably a little taste every day. I don't know if I am ready to give him another ultimatum yet. But I am sure I will bring it up tomorrow! I will let you know what happens. Thanks for the ear.

JT

Thatagirl! Look an elephant in the face, call him an elephant and he runs for the hills. At the very least he stops smelling up the living room. If I don't know what I am going to do or I know damn well I am going to do nothing but work on me I will say exactly that. "I don't know what I am going to do about this...yet"

I hate that "I know but he doesn't know I know" stuff. If I know, he is going to know I know. (say that fast 10 times...lol)

Hugs and luck,
JT

sadwife

You mean I am not the only wife who "knows, but he doesn't know I know" you mean other A's think they are keeping a big secret? It is good to know that I am not the only one with all that wisdom. Haven't confronted him yet becasue he seems to be in a pissy mood. Timing is everything. Maybe I'll wait until he goes and buys some vodka. Ha HA it will put him in a better mood! Aren't I being nasty today. Anyways have things to do. Hope all of you are having a good day and will check back later. :blink

cinkula

Sadwife, been there and done that, but today if I can trust my higherpower to take care of me I'll trust him or her to take care of my AH, whom is in recovery also and working the program the best he knows how.

Dazimae

I guess I am not very far enough into y program to know when to " keep my moth shut" If I catch him I want him to know I know... and that he is not being sneaky by no means. and the only one he is hurting is himself.
If I decide to not say anything.,. I always go and move the stach so that he KNOWS I know. * LOL* now thats sneaky. Good luck I know the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach.

sadwife

Why is it important for me (and sounds like others) that the A know, that we know that they are drinking? I use to pour out any that I found. Now I just leave it alone. That way I know what he is doing. I know I am not suppose to care or even look but I still do. Why do we care so much that they know we are on to them? I never confronted him this weekend. He was sober all weekend so I just let it slide about friday night. Well see how he does this week. One day at a time. Have a good week out there.

Gabe

Sadwife,
I will speak from experience here.
It was important to let him know that I was onto him when I was still playing his game.
Once I quit participating in "Spicoli's Little Theatre Of The Absurd", things got a lot better.
My mother is currently trying to draw me into her drama.
I'm not playing.
You get to choose whether or not you will participate in their theatrics.
When you're used to being a stage prop, it's a hard habit to break.
Peace,
Gabe

smf30

A great piece of advice from a woman at Al-Anon was this:

"When they stop going to meetings, that is when you need to worry"

Very true. AH stopped going to meetings in January. He's now drinking regularly. His sponsor told him he gave him enough rope and he would either be still hangin' on, or have hung himself.

wvagirl

Hello Sad Wife ...Meet another sad wife. My husband is an alcoholic. I sometimes don't know just how much more I can stand. His beverage of choice is beer. For a long time I realized that he was a functioning alcoholic. He managed to keep a job. Now he doesn't have a job. It scares the hell out of me!

smf30

wvagirl - then call me sadwife#3. AH's beverage of choice is also beer. Somehow they think because they drink beer they are not "as bad" as one who drinks vodka or whatever. I'm sorry to hear your AH lost his job. I'm a stay at home mom currently on the job search because I know eventually he might lose his or relapse big time and I will need to support myself. Good luck to you.