Feeling so much guilt!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 147
Feeling so much guilt!
Why in the world would I be feeling such tremendous guilt over my husband's addicts?I feel like I contributed to it for the last 4 years by enabling him(until about 8 months ago when I then became his enemy) trying to control him, nagging and calling him a junky, drunk and worthless piece of crap for the way he treats me and the family by never being around for us.I thought that by making him leave the home 2 1/2 weeks ago, he would be like so many others that I've read about on here and do ANYTHING to keep his marriage and family. I feel like now, all I've done is give him exactly what he wanted ;freedom to come and go as he pleases without any consequences or nagging. He's actually WORSE at his mother's than he was at home and doesn't act like he cares at all anymore! What did I do?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you got out of his way. that's all. he is doing exactly as he wants to, only know doesn't even HAVE to try and pretend to be a husband or father. you took yourself AND YOUR KIDS out of the firing line.
he is a remorseless self absorbed cad. and now his true colors are really showing in a blinding kind of way.
i'm sorry that you had an agenda when you threw him out - thinking he'd just wake up and embrace recovery and become the man YOU want him to be. instead he's being exactly the kind of man he is.
what steps are you taking to get some help and support for you and what financial/legal steps are you taking to protect yourself and children?
YOU didn't cause this.
YOU can't control this.
YOU can cure this.
he is a remorseless self absorbed cad. and now his true colors are really showing in a blinding kind of way.
i'm sorry that you had an agenda when you threw him out - thinking he'd just wake up and embrace recovery and become the man YOU want him to be. instead he's being exactly the kind of man he is.
what steps are you taking to get some help and support for you and what financial/legal steps are you taking to protect yourself and children?
YOU didn't cause this.
YOU can't control this.
YOU can cure this.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Trying to force an outcome usually backfires! I know, I have tried many times.
It took a while for my husband to stop blaming me when I asked him to move out. I had to listen to the advise I received here. I started alanon and therapy. I went no contact. I stopped being needy. My husband didn't have to try because I was. When I started to get stronger, pull back and stopped engaging (often times, I started the roller coaster) - he started to get worried. Up until that point, he knew me better than I knew myself. He knew the game, he had complete control until I sought help and took back MY control.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
It took a while for my husband to stop blaming me when I asked him to move out. I had to listen to the advise I received here. I started alanon and therapy. I went no contact. I stopped being needy. My husband didn't have to try because I was. When I started to get stronger, pull back and stopped engaging (often times, I started the roller coaster) - he started to get worried. Up until that point, he knew me better than I knew myself. He knew the game, he had complete control until I sought help and took back MY control.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by jzeb2008 
...like so many others that I've read about on here and do ANYTHING to keep his marriage and family.
Saying it might be, but doing it is rare.
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