ArcticSA

I need to know what's normal at this stage because I have no idea!
I thought I was gonna keep that riding on a high feeling.
I feel like I came out of a hellish place, flew high for a couple weeks on just pure excitement,loving life, feeling so accomplished, then someone popped my balloon and I came falling back down to earth.

Now its just like normal life. Im bored. I dont want to drink, but I miss drinking.
And my husband is not helping. Sure his drinking is cut down to pretty much nothing, but I had no idea how much he was undermining my issue.
I missed my doc checkup(completely spaced it) and when I expressed concern he said quite sarcastically "Oh nooo they probably think you are back to drinking EVERY night and EVERY morning"(which I never did)
He says I overreacted, I am taking it too seriously , basically save the counselors,doctors,AA etc. for the people that have a REAL problem with alcohol. I feel like I have absolutely zilch support from him. And I thought I did. He has also referred to my sobriety as "your not drinking-thing or whatever your doing"

And now I have this girls night that is a monthly thing. It is all my hubbys family and I was always the "fun-party girl" and my cousin-in-law hasnt been able to make it lately and this Sat. she can and shes sooooo excited cause she has someone to drink with, and I havent broke it to her yet.
And they are all gonna say " NOoooooooooooooo why would you quit?? You didnt drink THAT much, thats no fun"etc,etc.

And I dont know what to do. Im not gonna drink at this girls night, I couldnt live with myself, but what am supposed to say?? Or should I cancel? Theyd freak on me!!!

I know being sober is a great thing in my life, I just feel completley alone in it, and it sucks.
And I feel like I just lost alllll the good things I was seeing.

I feel like Im back to the old me, with no hangover.

Ugh. I need some help. Some encouragement. Some reminder. Something from all you strangers cuz youre the ONLY ones on my side right now.

escapist

Wow. You are dealing with a lot of resistance to you sobriety plan. I have not been around anyone drinking since I quit back in Oct. other than strangers in a restaurant. I was a very heavy drinker. I do not want to be in any situation where drinking is "fun". I have too much to lose. I am not willing to test my resolve yet. I am still feeling really grateful for my sobriety. If it were me I would pass on the party, but thats me. I drank like your husband joked about. Congratulations on sticking to your choice to stop drinking.

jkb

We have been sober almost the same amount of time... yay us For me the first three weeks or so were great. I felt good, I didn't resent anything and then CRASH... I became the most negative, nasty, hate-everyone-who-can-drink person...EVER. I was horrible to be around. I miss drinking too. I have no intention of doing it.. just like you said but, I just missed it all of a sudden...
The last couple of days It kind-of lifted. I went to an AA meeting (and I am not in AA persay...) and I realized my "beast" (AVRT term) was going to stop at nothing to get me to drink. This was its latest ploy. So, I decided I could be miserable sober of do my best to be happy sober and that is where I am at with it.
You are not alone in feeling this way. A friend of mine once said "I fell off my pink cloud with a thud"... Stick with it NO MATTER WHAT....

bbthumper

Sorry to hear that you are struggling at this time.
When I used to "quit drinking" things would always start to get worse after a few days. By the time I had a couple of weeks, anxiety, boredom and depression had me so beat that being drunk seemed to be the better option. I repeated that cycle a bunch of timess.
After I finally joined AA and applied the program of the 12 steps in my life, that problem went away. Things started getting better and better. They continue to do so. I forget the feeling of anxiety and boredom. When life throws trouble my way I can get down, but I react in a sane way. I no longer turn to booze for comfort. I face problems rather than run from them. Its been a blessing.
Some people's lives do get better just by putting down the drink. MAny others find that they need additional work in order to find peace in their lives.

peanut44

It's nice to see you again and congratulations on 33 days!!! That really is an accomplishment!!!

It's sad that no-one around you is taking this as seriously as you are and they should. This is your life!!!!

I would definitely enlist the help of anyone in sobriety. Surround yourself with them if you can.

And stick around here too!!

40creek

This may not be what you want to hear but I had to go it alone myself BECAUSE in many cases it is OUR problem. Sadly, most people today have no empathy for the problems of others. Even family. To them it is just whining and a bunch of "poor me". I tell you this not to discourage you but to begin a change in the way you are thinking. If you can find one of my first posts you will see I had the same issues. I could not deal with my problem until I realized it's my problem and I have to deal with it MYSELF. I stopped looking for the empathy and the help from my family and made it my inner personal goal. Boy I wish I could speak better. I'm the last person to give advise because I come across wrong. I just understand you so much and want you to bypass my hard learned mistakes. Unless someone is immediately and genuinely open to you and your problem do not go further. Come here and share. I think that is why so many come here. It would be so great if we could share our problem and have others help and support us but sadly that seldom happens. Best we figure it out fast and move ahead on our own. Keep looking for the empathy and support but be aware that if the person(s) do not immediately respond with genuine interest stop. It's just a side bar in the conversation and not the main topic. Sorry to sound so brutal. I just know the world is not as we want it and I want to save you a pile of discomfort and disappointment. You can do this on your own and there are people here who will listen with open hearts otherwise open up to members of AA etc. It's your problem and you can beat it.
Thank God for spell check.

MAlan

Awwww man... I know just how you feel! I was definetely "the drunk guy" at parties and out with friends. I had to "break" it to some of my friends recently too. I just assume some of them are not going to understand because they are able to drink moderately. I totally agree with jkb... you basically wrote down a bunch of those little excuses the Addictive Voice is whispering in your ear! These are all things that your body uses to try to feed that addiction, but you sound smarter than that. It seems like you are commited to quitting so stick to it!! NOTHING is worth going back to the way things were... and that is inevitable the minute you take a drink. I am in a similar place as you... day 16 and I just keep pluggin and realizing, I don't drink anymore.

Twinco

Congratulations on your decision not to drink. This is the most important decision of your life, and one that you will constantly have to repeat. It's importance will never diminish. Try to realize that drinkers are now jelous of you. Don't let them get to you, even if this means not being around them. Probably avoiding the night out would be best, especially this early in your recovery. Also honesty with those who try to get you to drink is what I would suggest. My wife simply states "I don't drink.......anymore"

anotherquitter

Sorry you fell off your pink cloud. This cunning baffling disease is a dangerous beast that has many ways to manipulate us back into our old habits. Some of these take disguises such has family members or social events. Some of these are totally from within and it can be very hard to separate the addictive voice from our own selves.

I found when dealing with others I used to drink with, my best approach was to tell them I quit for my health, not that i had much weight to lose but it certainly helped! I found that was easier to explain and overcame any social stigma with drinking associates (as apart from true close friends).

And if anyone tells you you don't belong in AA because your not that bad - just remember that the only requirement for membership is a 'desire to stop drinking'. This doesn't mean you have to have experienced the lowest of lows to be part of the solution.

Good luck and remember there is plenty of support out there if you are looking in the right places.

SereneEdition

Hi ArticaSA -

On day 45 and I JUST went through the same phase 'dip' starting around day 30.

For me this seemed to be a transition point from the challenges of 'getting sober' to the new challenge of 'staying sober,' which requires more & different tools. Also females have an inherent monthly hormonal cycle, which can compound things.

We're social creatures, so the feeling of social isolation can be a huge challenge. AA is powerful resource because it provides the social support along with tools to help with the challenges of 'staying' sober. It doesn't hurt to try it.

Also with this new change, your husband may not understand how to support you - he is navigating this new territory & challenge along with you. It's not easy on them either, just as it's not easy on us, so he may very well be outside of his personal comfort zone and not know how to support you - be gentle with him & do come here for support.

Tactically, for this weekend - people feel more comfortable with a behavior change when they can assign a reason to it that makes sense to them. With ladies, I've found that "I'm putting my health first and losing weight and I don't want the empty calories" seems to work very well to gain empathetic support. You can use this as a reason to not go at all (You'd just be too tempted) or if do decide to swing by for the first hour to not get a drink.

Sounds like guilt and having them depend on you to provide the fun are also at play here, and I personally would not go. At this point in my sobriety, I'm still getting used to how my 'sobriety shoes' fit and I make sure to restrict my social situations to ones that are inside my comfort zone.

You'll work through this. You're doing amazing. It does get easier!

neferkamichael

ArticSA, 33 days today and Ive lost that lovin' feeling? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. If you believe you have a problem with drinking, then just don't do it no matter what. I was terrified at 33 days, what am I going to do with myself? 2 years 7 months sober, the issues you describe are minor in my life now. Some people will accept you sober, so will reject you. Rootin for ya.

finalquit100

About feeling lonely(which I felt and still feels that way once a while), I thinks its perception. When I see my situation as 3rd party(from outside), I was spending many hrs a week drinking and many more to plan/buy and prepping for it. It started consuming good part of life. So once we become sober for while, those alcoholic hrs becomes empty. I think that's where problems starts apart from physical withdrawals. i.e lifestyle change. Along with sobriety, change in everyday routine to fill void is very important. Without life style change, those empty hrs, becomes issue and may cause slip/relapse.

I am not very far from you in sobriety, still trying figure out how to stay happy, cheerful, positive without drinking. I think it takes time re-learn living without drinking and staying sober and that is important for long term success. I hope and pray I can get to that stage soon, you and everybody else as well.

About family support, I feel its trivial, its you who drinks, nobody can make or stop you from drinking unless you choose that way. its just addiction talk to get you back.,you have to learn to ignore those addiction tricks.

Good luck

finalquit100

artsoul

Congratulations, Artic - 30 days is a big milestone! I felt a little funky around that time, too, and went through days of feeling empty and bored, plus angry that I couldn't be a normal drinker. It definitely took time to feel comfortable and excited about life again.

You might want to take a look at PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). It described a lot of what I was going through in the first months and made me feel better that at least I wasn't the only one.
Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies

ArcticSA

Thank you so much everyone. All words I needed to hear very, very badly.

Coldfusion

Congratulations on a month! It's good to hear from you.

Arctic, we aren't strangers. Apparently, we know more about you than some members of your family. I certainly have shared things here that my family doesn't know.

We know what you're going through. Your husband who isn't supporting you--that was me, a few years ago. I now know that if we want to survive together, our marriage--including sobriety--must be a team effort. We go to AA and NA meetings together (well, except that I don't go to the women's meeting and she doesn't go to the "Lord's Prayer" meeting).

coming_clean

Just keep on going...sober
It will pass.
It takes time to become grounded once more

Anna

I also think you should stop and congratulate yourself for your 33 days sober. Good work!

However, I wasn't able to be around alcohol and people drinking alcohol for many, many months. It just wouldn't have worked for me. This is just my opinion, but I think early recovery has to be a selfish time. Are you more worried about hurting other people's feelings or remaining sober? Could you suggest getting together for coffee or doing something different?

ClearLight

gee Arctic - I hope you hang on.

Your story is very inspiring to me. It gives me hope.

Ritalola

I think what you have accomplished is fantastic! You should be very proud of yourself. I've only been on this journey for a short time, but I do understand what you are feeling. It is a void. I've been trying to stay busy and find some thing to replace the drinking. I have been sewing, painting and anything that can keep my hands busy! I just think thinking idle hands are the devils workshop! Stay strong and above all else be proud of yourself! You have earned it! Don't allow anyone to take that away from you.... Anyone!

shapeup

I understand completely what you're going through. Unfortunately our society, friends and family dictate what is fun and acceptable in social settings. I relapsed last summer after 16 days sober because I got on a boat in the middle of the lake with a bunch of friends and alcohol. I felt trapped, uncomfortable and so anxious that I almost jumped off the boat. I felt like crying but no I gave in and said I would have one to ease my nerves and fit in. Everyone on the boat knew I had stopped drinking or was giving myself a break and the answers I got were you can do it. That is drink. "everything is fine in moderation". Well, I cannot moderately drink because I like it too much that I eventually start the vicious cycle. Sure everything is fine for awhile, and then I'm back to my old habits and ways, which is a very long list of abnormal behavior, thinking and lying. I understand the boredom, but that is temporary and can be fixed. Also your gathering is temporary and is it worth one day/night To lose 34 days of sobriety. That one drink last summer took me another 6 months of heavy drinking until I started my sobriety again and I'm on day 60 today! Don't mean to sound harsh, I just completely get your dilemma! I have to remind myself that if I take that first drink, I'll be lost again, back to hangovers, anxiety, blackouts, list goes on and on. I wish you luck to hang on tight!