bigsombrero

I am 8 months sober. There's a big get-together in a couple weeks and I'm kind of nervous.

This is with a group of about 10 of my best friends and their wives. They are my best friends, really, in the world. They all know about my situation and have been supportive. This party at my buddy's place on St. Patrick's Day, and these guys drink a TON. Some friends are flying and driving in from all over the place for this. There will be shots, bottles of hard alcohol, jello shots, flaming shots, jack & cokes, you name it. This annual gathering often features guys passed out and doing some really obnoxious drunk things, blackout, etc. These guys only do it once a year and it's a blowout.

It's not MANDATORY that I go, but I know they'd like to see me there. At the same time, I'm sure it would be super awkward. I don't want them to tip-toe around their party because I'm there. I don't want to be a center of attention but I know I would be. Of course, it might be nice just to stop in, talk to everyone for an hour, and leave - I'm sure if that all went well I'd feel a sense of accomplishment, certainly. But I'm not sure I get through that without feeling weird. I'd be SUPER uncomfortable at the party just because I'd feel weird as they all know I went to treatment and had my struggles....

Sorry for the diatribe. Anyone else been in a similar spot?

Weasel1966

Hey big. You answered it already.

It's not mandatory that you go.

With that said... Is your life.... Your ability to stay sober.... After all those months.... Worth more to you. Than a party that perhaps next years would be best when you have a year and 8 months.

Entertaining the idea can be called AV. But I don't buy that. You have a natural want to see friends. Scheming how to drink at the party is AV.

artsoul

Personally, I wouldn't attend any function where drinking is the main event - Can you see any of your friends before (or after) party?

LadyinBC

Try to have a plan in place in case you need to leave. You are not obligated to worry about how others feel in regards to you not drinking and going for treatment. If they feel uncomfortable that is their problem not yours. If they tip toe around you that is their issue not yours. Your sobriety is more important than their comfort. You worry about YOU at this function, not everyone else.

You have 8 months sober that is a great accomplishment. Be proud and be vigilant.

ScottFromWI

I am about 2 months in and have been out in public a few times around my old "drinking" friends. I personally feel that hiding from the rest of the world is counterproductive to a certain extent. And frankly most of my drinking was done at home by myself anyway, so if there's a "trigger" for me it's right where I live anyway.

Having said that, if I were invited to an event specifically for the purpose of drinking, i'd probalby decline. The situations I've been in are eating out at restaurants where I had drank before - I didn't specifically just go and hang out at a bar and not drink.

Best of luck in whatever decision you make, and congrats on your 8months. Something tells me you know the answer already....

0percentABV

If anything just do the swing in for an hour and jet, preferably before they get too wasted. Personally I wouldn't go, especially because the main event is drinking. Not because of temptation but because it would be super annoying. Possibly so annoying you might reconsider why you even like these people in the first place. j/k But seriously, I'm like a year into my decision, 1 month sober, and it's kinda sad but I really don't miss hanging out with the gang anymore. I enjoy their company when sober or at least not drunk but once the alcohol starts flowing and I'm not participating I don't like them anymore. Maybe because when they are wasted I see the old me in them and I just don't like it.

bigsombrero

Just a side note: this is also our annual "Fantasy Baseball Draft" for those who play that kind of thing. So I am also participating with that....but thought I could do it online from home instead...the rest of the day is all about drinking. Didn't add that at first because it would probably not be a recognizable event for most.

Also, you guys hit it right on. I'm in no way going to be tempted by drinking, I don't want to. I suppose I do worry just a weeeee bit about accidentally picking up the wrong glass or something, but that's not too hard to manage. I think I'm just uncomfortable, but I feel like I'm the one shying away and I hate for my friends to think I'm weak.

Weasel1966

Yes big.... It can be done online.

Also try and set up a web cam in the corner. Ask them to make you feel like you are there. Observe from afar what would have potentially taken away a lot of very hard earned sobriety.

Just sayin...

Weasel1966

I don't agree. Saying your friends will think you are weak is classic AV.

You know what weakness is. We are alcoholics. Weakness is drinking.

They may razz ya a bit but I will bet good money they will tell you afterwards that they respect you.

Paddler

Meet them for the day-after hungover breakfast or brunch. You can see your friends, talk about the fantasy baseball, and see first hand how thankful you should be you don't feel like they will.

RocketQueen

Personally, for me, the thought of all that alcohol you listed makes me feel a tad nauseous and at this point of my recovery, being around blind drunk people irritates the heck out of me. The rancid smell of alcohol, the slurred conversations that often dont make much sense to a sober person, having drinks spilled on you left right and centre, drunk friends trying saying "come on! Just have one, it wont kill you!" etc. I dont think I'll ever go to a function where the sole purpose is to get drunk again.

As for your situation, will there be other sober people there that you can hang with and chat to? I agree with others when they say to have a plan in place so you can bail if things get too much.

Good luck and keep us posted.

RQ

LadyinBC

Have to agree with Weasal 100%. We are weak when we drink. I don't think people realize how strong we have to be in order to quit drinking. It's hard. Please don't worry about what others think or say. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter.

bigsombrero

That's the idea I've been rolling with in my head, and the fact that you echoed that means a great deal. Thanks, that sounds like the most solid plan, do brunch in the city, get to say hi, not around booze, we all win.

doggonecarl

How long do you think they'll miss you? Five minutes?

Doesn't even sound like fun. If you don't drink you'll be bored, and if you're bored...

Why risk it. Time to think about ways to get together with your best friends that can't be described as a "blowout" in a post to SR.

flutter

Oh that sounds totally obnoxious. Personally, that part of my life is over. Is there any time that they'll be willing to see you outside of the party? Before or something? And seriously, if your friends view your sobriety as weakness and not strength, you might want to branch out in the friends department.

FeelingGreat

hi Big, i found events where I was well prepared and armoured in advance weren't dangerous, but I guess that depends on your personality. But boring....watching everyone else get wasted. Drop in early or do the brunch seems like the best solution to save your sanity. And don't be embarrassed to tell your friends the reason (not that they're boring drunk, just you'd rather avoid temptation!)

Huglets

Gotta vote for the skip it crowd. You say these friends are all supportive so I'm certain they'd understand your need to pass this year.

Personally, I wouldn't want to attend any function where the main event was drinking, whether I was 8 days, 8 months or 8 years sober. It just doesn't hold any interest for me.

I also agree that planning an event with your buddies before or after the blowout is a great idea.

We're in your corner whatever decision you make.

Sasha4

I agree with the breakfast idea.

Why not cook them all a massive breakfast with lots of fresh orange juice..you could even announce it's ready by banging on a pan or smashing two metal bin lids together just in case their headaches are not bad enough already!

From your european friend!
x

Anna

If drinking is the main event, I would not even consider going.

Meet your friends and their wives for coffee, instead.

Pondlady

I visited NYC for the first time in my life last year on St. Patrick's Day. I was amazed how jazzed up people were on the early am train into the city and already drinking. By late afternoon, when we stepped out of a museum, we had to step over vomit, spilled beer and drunk people everywhere Seems like St. Patrick's Day can be a big party day for drinkers....best to stick with the breakfast idea the day after.