Midlifecrisis

Hubby forgot to take my Valium with him to work and they are just sitting here. I've been good so far but it's only
9.21 and he won't be home until 4.45pm. I have a whole new bottle from that I got yesterday.

I can do this.

KellyToronto

I hope you'll be ok....do they have NA meetings near you?

Narcotics Anonymous

Midlifecrisis

No meetings within 2 hours

Rosiepetal

Yes you can do this.
Let the feelings wash over you, deep breaths.

Midlifecrisis

Thanks.

I've got no alcohol or any other drugs In the house. Just this bottle staring at me.

Might busy myself cleaning. It's much needed.

ClearLight

You CAN do it.

You might consider putting it in a cabinet, out of view, and getting busy - with anything.

Midlifecrisis

Had my lunchtime

Dose early. Whoops. Will put them out of sight.

iwanthealth

mention this to hubby when he gets home, please.

you've been doing good. take it easy.

Dee74

I really believe that there is an authentic 'us' in each of us, MLC.

Think of all the things you want to do and all the things you 'd like to be - think of your kids, and your husband, and your community and the way you want them to see you, and the way you want to be for them.

All that depends on the choices we make.

I really do believe you can be true to yourself today.

D

artsoul

You'll feel so good about yourself if you don't give in, midlife..... Keep reminding yourself that you DO have the strength and just take it by the minute if you have to. That's how I got through my first day - I just kept putting off picking up a drink (and read a lot of posts here).

We're here for ya......

Midlifecrisis

Thanks for the posts and encouragement. I did have my second doSe for the day early, correct amount, perhaps not administered the right way. It's making it hard to wait until 4 for my next dose, already feeling crappy argh

Will just have to wait it out and have some Panadol and coffee I guess.

Midlifecrisis

Argh, I hate being an addict. I know people who have had all kinda of benzos and opiates in their cupboards for months following surgeries or whatever. They finish what they need and just leave them?!? I want to be like that.

This is scaring me about tapering in the future. I already feel so crappy just having to wait an hour or two longer for a dose.

Dee74

If you're not taking your meds as directed MLC - and that means the way you take them as much as it does the dose - I think you need to look at the plan again.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, or annoy you...but not taking meds as directed can be dangerous.

D

Midlifecrisis

I didn't do the best but didnt do too bad. Yes, I need to start just taking them orally which I did today except once. I took 15mg more than I should. I'll be honest with hubby and make
Sure he doesn't leave them again. I have no control clearly.

I'm scared the grip they have on me already. Again . I'm really scared.

coraltint

admit defeat & ask for help, Mid....it's what worked for this junkie.

praying for ya!

Midlifecrisis

Yrp. I've gotta give this shite up.

Ethos23

Wow, what a great post. That is so true. You have to put yourself in the frame of mind that you want to achieve. If I sit and think of all of the negatives of alcohol then, some time later, I'm a drunk bafoon again. If I sit and think of myself as sober, the "authentic me" I physically and mentally feel many times better.

bemyself

Hi Midlife,

I've read through quite a few of your threads / posts in recent times.

Just wondering (forgive me if it's already been mentioned to you): given that you're still on these meds which are still addictive for you.... while you wait to get into the detox you mentioned a few days ago, have you thought of checking out the AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) threads over in Secular Connections forum on SR??? Or visiting the Rational Recovery website, where you can 'do' a crash course on AVRT?

Learning to recognise and dismiss that old addictive voice in our heads may just help you, while you're waiting for your dose at the proper time.

BTW can you provide any more details about when you go to detox? Is there a date for admission???? It soooo sounds like you truly need a proper medically assisted withdrawal process from all your drugs, luvvie. To get you starting off clear and running, and out of this awful battle you're still in at home with yourself re the meds.

luv from
Vic

Midlifecrisis

It is true and a great post. But who is the authentic me? Someone took her at age 7 and the injured me started drinking and drugging at 14 followed by 16 years or bulimia then drug and alcohol relapse. The me I know is an addict with an eating disorder. Who is the authentic me?

Midlifecrisis

I heard it mentioned but haven't looked into this avrt yet. I will today, thanks.

I have no admission date. I was ready to organize it but the one I want to go to wont take me until I get my benzo Usage under a certain level (25mg I think). I could go to the medical
One but my doctor thinks the only thing stopping my suiicidal episodes at the moment is the Valium so he wants some more counselling first.

There's no way I can do long term rehab, no way at all. I'll have a week or two tops.