jzeb2008

I'm such a mess!I feel like I don't know what I want anymore. I saw my husband at his mother's house today. I was told that EVERYTHING wrong in our marriage is all my fault and that,"I made my bed, now lie in it."referring to my recently kicking him out. He said that I need to change and grow up,quit the crying prove it all to him.He said that he's not gonna change. Then he turns around and tells me the few things that he'll do to change and that we should work on our marriage while living apart for the remainder of the week. That we should start all over and have dinner with the family tomorrow night. The craziest thing of all is that I left feeling like I might consider it.What is wrong with me?I'm competing with an addiction here.

KLM

This sounds very familiar to me.....
HE needs to prove to you he wants to clean up and make the marriage work.
This is NOT your fault. He will blame you... but its not your fault.
My AH goes on crack benders and then comes home and its all MY fault! Then he acts like nothing is wrong..... from what I read this blame game is VERY VERY common... its just what addicts do.

zoso77

The proper response to this is, OK, you're not coming home. And then walk away.

If you allow a sick person to make you believe that you and you alone are the problem, that's tantamount to surrender. Don't do it.

Best,
ZoSo

shinebright7

Wow I just keep running into all the right stuff tonight -- just what I needed to hear!

It is crazy that I would be willing to put up with what I'm putting up with and what I have put up with. What is wrong with me!? Is definitely something I have wondered myself.

I feel like I have to prove to my husband that I love him in spite of his addiction. I feel like I have ***** foot around him because he's in a sensitive situation right now and is going through a tough period of time with his mom.

Honestly he's being a huge baby about it -- HUGE BABY

And he's just going to spiral from here into another binge of using at some point. That's what the alcoholic mind does. It has to use again -- until it knows another way through recovery.

ZOSO - thank you for your clarity. I am reading responses like this over and over and they are starting to make sense to me. Boundaries. I'm starting to get it. It is loving to take care of myself and have a boundary.

I would not sit at my friend's house and let their dog keep biting me just to be polite. I would have a boundary and I would do something to prevent the dog from biting me again.

If my friends brought their dog over and destroyed my house, I would tell them next time they visit, they need to leave their dog at home.

So simple!

Going to be sitting with this a lot. Thank you for your clarity. I need to keep it simple!

horriblethisis

You are worth more than the lack of respect that you are receiving here. Don't let him turn his problems around to be "you" that is the problem. Stop competing with the addict, you will lose. You will never win if your addict is not going to choose the right course, and that is to get in a recovery program. If he chooses not to, then he does NOT deserve you...period.