Here we go again! AH ignores letter from the judge
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Here we go again! AH ignores letter from the judge
I was so psyched! STBXAH left my country after a brief several days visit with the children. I had pneumonia so barely caught a glance of him. There were no incidents.Then, last Thursday my lawyer finally got around to emailing AH the judge's decision granting me an emergency separation with full custody and the apartment. And a monthly pension, saying AH must pay me a certain amount starting immediately. AH didn't seem to take notice.
I sent him an email mentioning that he should have received something from my lawyer with two scheduled court dates in April.
AH sends a reply saying the sum, which is 75% of the children's normal expenses, is 'unreasonable'. And since no mention from him of the amount due and I don't have the money to pay bills and rent.
Why did I so blithely go about my days believing he would be compliant?
It is just so unimaginable to me that the president of the court in this country would order him to immediately pay me a certain sum and he'd ignore it?!
He was out west doing his fun outdoor sports, posting photos of his travels on Facebook, my family members - idiots! - 'liking' his photos, while I am here recovering from pneumonia and unable to pay rent.
Cute 😡
I sent him an email mentioning that he should have received something from my lawyer with two scheduled court dates in April.
AH sends a reply saying the sum, which is 75% of the children's normal expenses, is 'unreasonable'. And since no mention from him of the amount due and I don't have the money to pay bills and rent.
Why did I so blithely go about my days believing he would be compliant?
It is just so unimaginable to me that the president of the court in this country would order him to immediately pay me a certain sum and he'd ignore it?!
He was out west doing his fun outdoor sports, posting photos of his travels on Facebook, my family members - idiots! - 'liking' his photos, while I am here recovering from pneumonia and unable to pay rent.
Cute 😡
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Oh wow, Pippi, he has no end of insults up his sleeve! What a punitive rat, no make that weasel, of a man.
Have you found out how the Court can enforce this order? Or are there actual assets that you could be given instead so that you don't have to try to collect from him monthly? I'm sure you're keeping a diary of this? Try to do it all in writing so that you can prove his attitude.
Hope you pneumonia is better.
ShootingStar1
Have you found out how the Court can enforce this order? Or are there actual assets that you could be given instead so that you don't have to try to collect from him monthly? I'm sure you're keeping a diary of this? Try to do it all in writing so that you can prove his attitude.
Hope you pneumonia is better.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hi Shooting Star 
They can't enforce it here because his salary comes from the States. Don't think he knows that as he doesn't appear to have orgaized himself enough to have a lawyer.
What they will do is look less kindly on him when he is summoned to court in April, which will give me a real edge regarding long term custody and a bigger pension.
Then I have to find a good lawyer in Massachusetts because there they can make him pay me, as I understand it.
He is a rat and a weasel. He has been telling people back in the States how he is trying to work things out with me but I am being impossible. When in fact I don't talk to him and keep email to the bare minimum. He's such a liar. And people believe him.
But that's partly why starting a new life over here is so delicious. Lots of people don't even know him. It's lovely to start afresh.
They can't enforce it here because his salary comes from the States. Don't think he knows that as he doesn't appear to have orgaized himself enough to have a lawyer.
What they will do is look less kindly on him when he is summoned to court in April, which will give me a real edge regarding long term custody and a bigger pension.
Then I have to find a good lawyer in Massachusetts because there they can make him pay me, as I understand it.
He is a rat and a weasel. He has been telling people back in the States how he is trying to work things out with me but I am being impossible. When in fact I don't talk to him and keep email to the bare minimum. He's such a liar. And people believe him.
But that's partly why starting a new life over here is so delicious. Lots of people don't even know him. It's lovely to start afresh.
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Pippi,
If his salary is from here, can't you go through Child Support services for the U.S.? They are great and do all the work for you. I would look online and see if you can get contact infomation for the location where he earns his check.
Here in the states, if he owes you money, they take it right out of his check for you and mail it to you or direct deposit it into your account. I don't see why it would matter that you got the order while in another country. He still owes it to you and they will take the money retro to when the order happened. We have deadbeat laws here in the states, and if he does not pay he will lose his drivers license.....
4MyBoys
If his salary is from here, can't you go through Child Support services for the U.S.? They are great and do all the work for you. I would look online and see if you can get contact infomation for the location where he earns his check.
Here in the states, if he owes you money, they take it right out of his check for you and mail it to you or direct deposit it into your account. I don't see why it would matter that you got the order while in another country. He still owes it to you and they will take the money retro to when the order happened. We have deadbeat laws here in the states, and if he does not pay he will lose his drivers license.....
4MyBoys
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Location: right here, right now
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My advice would be to say "good riddance" and be done with him. My AXH quit his job in order to avoid paying child support. You have to creates life where you do t have to depend on him to survive.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
And my ex is living off of Veteran's Disability(can't be snagged for child support) to avoid paying.He's now living in his mom's basement, because he got evicted from the trailer he was renting. I planned my job and my expenses to be able to NOT have to rely on receiving support from him.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Thanks everyone for your replies!
I am going to give him this one last day to get his poor self together and send the $. He got back from his western fun and folic yesterday morning. Today he should be cleaned hp from the weekend so he can go to the bank and deal with his responsibilities.
Otherwise, tomorrow I call my lawyer, who will hopefully send an immediate response this time!
I still can't figure out why I keep thinking he will simply do what he is told and then all will be well. Maybe it's the same flawed mental process that had me thinking he would keep his drinking under control!
I am going to give him this one last day to get his poor self together and send the $. He got back from his western fun and folic yesterday morning. Today he should be cleaned hp from the weekend so he can go to the bank and deal with his responsibilities.
Otherwise, tomorrow I call my lawyer, who will hopefully send an immediate response this time!
I still can't figure out why I keep thinking he will simply do what he is told and then all will be well. Maybe it's the same flawed mental process that had me thinking he would keep his drinking under control!
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Ugh. Still no response from him.
This is so odd to me, because there is still money in our joint account. So I can still pay the bills with that. But he is ordered to pay the pension and he's done...nothing?!
I am going to admit here that I was feeling SO happy and lightweight when the lawyer sent the papers to AH!!! Showed me that baseline for me has been pretty much clenched teeth and working hard on standing straight. I am working out so much my body feels pretty powerful. But each day doesn't have to see me ready to face another big problem, does it?! I was letting go! I could pay more attention to the children when I thought he'd just start paying that pension and leave me in peace. I was relaxing a bit! Now I am neurotically checking my email every 15 minutes to see if he is going to respond to the order. I am back to checking his stupid 'look at me I am so cosmopolitan' bloody facebook page.
I am not going to do anything stupid. But I keep wondering, why can't he just send the bloomin pension to me? What is so different about that than me taking money out of our joint account?? Is it something about being ordered to? Does this bode very badly for the future?
Yes, I will eventually start working again. But with 4 children and the sole family member who takes care of them, me leaving for work all the time will leave them pretty stranded.
I know what you all maybe would say. Try to let go anyway? Stop stalking FB. One day at a time.
I do have to learn how to pray.
This is so odd to me, because there is still money in our joint account. So I can still pay the bills with that. But he is ordered to pay the pension and he's done...nothing?!
I am going to admit here that I was feeling SO happy and lightweight when the lawyer sent the papers to AH!!! Showed me that baseline for me has been pretty much clenched teeth and working hard on standing straight. I am working out so much my body feels pretty powerful. But each day doesn't have to see me ready to face another big problem, does it?! I was letting go! I could pay more attention to the children when I thought he'd just start paying that pension and leave me in peace. I was relaxing a bit! Now I am neurotically checking my email every 15 minutes to see if he is going to respond to the order. I am back to checking his stupid 'look at me I am so cosmopolitan' bloody facebook page.
I am not going to do anything stupid. But I keep wondering, why can't he just send the bloomin pension to me? What is so different about that than me taking money out of our joint account?? Is it something about being ordered to? Does this bode very badly for the future?
Yes, I will eventually start working again. But with 4 children and the sole family member who takes care of them, me leaving for work all the time will leave them pretty stranded.
I know what you all maybe would say. Try to let go anyway? Stop stalking FB. One day at a time.
I do have to learn how to pray.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You are paying a lawyer. Let him or her do the worrying.
Eventually the order will be enforced--I'm quite sure there is a process for doing so. Meantime, you have enough money to live on, and worrying about what he does will not make anything happen faster or more smoothly.
Try to step AWAY from email and fb.
Eventually the order will be enforced--I'm quite sure there is a process for doing so. Meantime, you have enough money to live on, and worrying about what he does will not make anything happen faster or more smoothly.
Try to step AWAY from email and fb.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Its sad but true that often people aren't scared by the Court system and as your husband lives here and not where you do - I would think he isn't really that moved by an order coming from your country - I mean really - what are they going to do to him? Extradite him? Perhaps it would get to the point that he would be in trouble if he came there and so he won't.
Recognition of your Order in this country regarding child support I think is a State decision and more than likely that you will have to file here in order to enforce payment. Perhaps you should look at a lump sum settlement as opposed to depending on him sending the $$ monthly sounds like anything he can do to trouble you he is going to do.
Divorces are seldom amicable even without alcohol involved - seems there is always a trifling member that would prefer to pay money to their attorney to drag things out than settle for a sum which would cost them less. Perhaps going forward with the expectation that he will not cooperate on any level will serve you better, and save you from being disappointed and frustrated.
Immaturity at its finest!
Recognition of your Order in this country regarding child support I think is a State decision and more than likely that you will have to file here in order to enforce payment. Perhaps you should look at a lump sum settlement as opposed to depending on him sending the $$ monthly sounds like anything he can do to trouble you he is going to do.
Divorces are seldom amicable even without alcohol involved - seems there is always a trifling member that would prefer to pay money to their attorney to drag things out than settle for a sum which would cost them less. Perhaps going forward with the expectation that he will not cooperate on any level will serve you better, and save you from being disappointed and frustrated.
Immaturity at its finest!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
This is the key...
... being fully self supporting buys a lot of freedom.
Originally Posted by pixilation 
And my ex is living off of Veteran's Disability(can't be snagged for child support) to avoid paying.He's now living in his mom's basement, because he got evicted from the trailer he was renting. I planned my job and my expenses to be able to NOT have to rely on receiving support from him.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
... being fully self supporting buys a lot of freedom.
Just my two cents.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
... being fully self supporting buys a lot of freedom.
To the OP, I have just this to say, prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
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