shinebright7

I'm new to Al Anon and new to the world of having an addict husband.

We've been married since the summer and I didn't know if his addiction issues until just a few weeks ago.

But enough things have come up during our marriage that made this last binge he went on feel like the straw that broke the camels back.

I lost it. And I went running for Al Anon. Thank God it was there to catch me!

Kind Eyes shared in another thread about how we are like addicts in that we don't go into our own recovery until we've hit our own bottom and can't stand the way our lives are anymore.

I just started working Step 1 this weekend and it is about realizing that our lives have become unmanageable.

Yep!

So unmanageable that I ran to a meeting and frantically looked for online support groups.

I've been going to meetings now for maybe 3 weeks. It is HELPING!

Today I am reading from Al-Anon Works - For Friends and Families of Alcoholics.

It says:

Wow.

In the first couple of weeks all my attention was still mentally on my husband. Is he going to get into recovery like all these other courageous people? What's it going to take? Is he one of those "unfortunates" who is incapable of being honest with himself? Why doesn't he go to a meeting while he's out of town if he's serious about getting help?

I wanted HIM to go into recovery to spare me from all the pain I was going through.

I can only imagine what it was like for all the Al Anoners to listen to my gripes about my husband knowing full well that if I kept the focus on him I was only going to stay sicker and sicker...

But as they all say in the programs, they do not give advice!

So they just listened to me and encouraged me to keep coming back to the meetings.

So I have. And I have been reading and learning more. I started working the steps and I am considering asking someone to be a sponsor for me so I can go deeper.

I am starting to get it that MY RECOVERY matters. It matters to ME! And my well-being. I can not continue to see him as the only one with a problem. That just keeps me in victim mode.

Reality is that his sickness has infected me too. That's how the family disease of alcoholism works.

If it was a cold and he gave me his cold, it would be ridiculous to keep getting mad at him for giving it to me and to try to get him to take his cold medicine -- as if that is going to fix MY cold!?

Not!

I have to take care of my own cold. My own infection. My own sickness. And he is a grown man and has to take care of his.

Getting ourselves into recovery is a big deal! It takes hitting bottom of some sort and being desperate for a new solution because our lives have become unmanageable in their current state.

I'm grateful things hit the fan and sucked so bad last month because now I am actually on a path toward making my life better and not just putting up with lies, hiding, betrayal, etc. as if I am a victim.

I am powerless yes, but I am also empowered by my Higher Power to move in the direction of wholeness again.

When we are ready to recover, we will go for it....but like Kind Eyes said in another thread...not a moment sooner.