when does use become addiction

Old 03-04-2013, 04:25 AM
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when does use become addiction

Hi everyone, I came across this site this morning while searching Google for help.

My (ex) partner of six years whom I have a child with broke up with me last year. He made new friends and started using drugs- ecstasy mainly when out in clubs. After a few months he asked me back, this lasted a week and then he ended it again and went back to his partying etc. Last month he came back to me saying he was done with the drugs and that lifestyle and he wanted his family back. Well it soon became apparent that he wasn't prepared to give it all up. At first I made excuses- I'm the one being a nag/ of course he's entitled to a social life etc. but now I'm thinking he has a problem. But as far as he is concerned it is recreational and fun and nothing is wrong. How are you supposed to know when one goes from user to addict? Especially if they downplay it all the time.

I am kind of thinking he initially promised to give up the drugs because deep down he knows he should but then I'm thinking is it just a case of he enjoys the drugs and just would rather not give them up?

He has gone AWOL and left his apartment back to the landlord along with aall his possessions because he wants a new start- again, on one hand it seema like hes running away, on the other who wouldn't like to do that and he is young so why shouldn't he, u know?

Thanks for reading
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:39 AM
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Wen does use become addiction?

Such a good question!!

Use becomes addiction when a person can no longer control themselves.....addiction has taken over. Often.....the last person to realize that they are addicted is the addict themselves. They minimize the impact that their drug use has on their lives......to themselves and others. It's is addictive thinking at work. All addicts start out using drugs for fun or to self medicate......and it goes haywire. They can't stop. Eventually it's not for fun anymore......it's to maintain their "new normal". It becomes a crazy circle game....addiction is a disease of the mind, body and spirit.

So how do we know when a person is addicted? When there are negative consequences of their addiction that would cause someone who is not addicted to stop using. Negative consequences with relationships, work, school, the law, finances......losing possessions (or housing), pawning possessions. Unfortunately, with an addict, these negative consequences often cause them to crawl deeper into their addiction to get relief.

I'm sure others will come along to answer your question as well.

Welcome to SR......this is a great forum for support and a great place to gain understanding of addiction and codependence.

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ke
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:55 AM
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Thank you so much for your reply. I'm beginning to think he may not be addicted to the drug itself but the lifestyle etc. that comes with it. I don't think he has a physical addiction yet but he does have a drug problem. In the sense that he has had so many negative consequences as a result of that lifestyle but he still does not want to give it up.

He is in trouble with work (think he has left for good) and he has run away and his landlord is getting people calling round looking for money he owes. I am at a stage now where I am ignoring texts (well he has stopped now since I wouldn't let him "say goodbye") because he needs to hit rock bottom before he'll see that it's a problem but I'm afraid he never will as long as he's running from it
I think he is still in a stage where he is not addicted as such but he is enjoying it too much to stop regardless of the consequences. Is there a term for this? Or is it mental addiction maybe?
Part of me is thinking its not the drugs at all.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:12 AM
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Is there a term for this? Or is it mental addiction maybe?
Yes. It's called early stage addiction.....moving (as addiction does because it's a progressive disease) toward mid-stage addiction.

No one starts using drugs anticipating that they will become addicted. It almost always starts out as a lifestyle thing....having fun.....enjoying partying......and then the negative consequences start......they may lose or leave relationships that threaten the lifestyle (like he left you), they have trouble at work (you mention you think he left his job), they have financial problems (they can't pay rent and lose their housing just like he did). And they still can't stop using.

He may still be in the stage where he's "enjoying the lifestyle" but he's had several of the negative consequences and he still doesn't want to stop. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

I am a codependent. For a very long time I didn't want to believe that my XAH or my son was an addict. I was in denial. I did exactly what the addict does. I minimized his use. I made mental excuses for them. I told myself "it's not that bad" when all the evidence screamed "oh yes it is!"

It's all part of the disease of addiction. It is a family disease. It affects everyone who comes into contact with the addict. And it's progressive.

I sincerely hope that your bf is not addicted. And I'm not suggesting that he is....... I don't know him and I only see the very small picture that you have painted here. But the picture that you have painted thus far is indicative of addiction.

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ke
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Old 03-04-2013, 10:50 AM
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Kind Eyes - I am learning a lot from you thank you...

My husband and I both minimize his usage (until this last binge where it became MAJOR!)

I told myself it wasn't a serious thing becuase he is imbalanced in some way with anxiety/depression issues and is just trying to help himself feel better...

I justified it saying that he's had such a rough childhood so it's natural that he'd want to numb out sometimes...

And that he has PTSD issues from his time in jail is enough reason to want to do use also...

Not that it still didn't make me crazy when he would hide and sneak around and lie to me about using, but we always just made up afterward and forgot about it.

This time we are not doing that.

Well, at least I"M not doing that.

I get it now. He's an addict and it's in the consciousness of our relationship now.

And my mom knows. I told her out of desperation during the binge period.

So it's not staying in total hiding and denial anymore. And I'm going to meetings every day (either Al Anon or open AA meetings) and I am here on this board every day now and I am committed to making my life work.

I am catching myself SO MUCH MORE QUICKLY when I go into codependent behaviors. It's really like WOW there I go again...

But I am not beating myself up about it today.

Instead, I feel grateful to see what I'm seeing about myself so I can clean it up.

Every piece of sickness I clean up within myself is going to make my life that much better and I'm excited for that and looking forward to when I feel more whole like I used to before I was affected by the disease of addiction.

Thank you for being here and sharing your insights and wisdom. Like I said, I'm really learning a lot from you and I'm very appreciative of that. xo
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Old 03-04-2013, 10:52 AM
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when does use become addiction?


When you can't stop of your own will (using, or thinking about using)
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