searching4mysel

My children, 9 & 10 just came home from their first weekend visit with their dad since we separated. They brought tales of junk food instead of meals , hours in front of the computer, dad zoning out on his computer. They both had periods of anger, moodiness, and neediness. I did the best I could to listen and hear them, reassure them, and get them back to the routine we have here. They are both asleep now. In the past I would have been all over him about all the things that I thought he did wrong and all the "damage" I thought he was doing to the kids but beyond their safety, that's really none of my business. Picking up the pieces once they are back in my care is all I can control and that's where my focus needs to be.

I will figure this out if it kills me.

LexieCat

Sounds like you handled it well, but I still hope you ask for that alcohol evaluation.

searching4mysel

I am so paralyzed with fear that I'm not willing to involve the courts at this point. I think I am suffering from some degree of belief that the problem is my perception, not his use since he did control his use over the last 6 months or so. My county is very pro-father so I could very easily end up with 50/50. I need to speak with my counselor again as well as get both children in to see her.

ODAT63

I babysat my grandkids this weekend, they said my son drinks and smoke, it breaks my heart that my son is doing the very same thing he hated about his step dad, and I know there is nothing I can do about my S drinking, all I can do is bring some kind of serenity to my GC when there are visiting me. Alcoholism is such an evil, destructive disease.

stella27

It sounds like you HAVE figured it out, searching.

When I get them back, I try to have a hot supper, a bath and bed, so that Mondays aren't so rocky. I even move the schedule up by an hour or so to accommodate for their exhaustion from staying up too late and the excitement of being in a new location.

I probably go overboard to be predictable and stable to compensate for the instability at their dad's.