sitting on the other side of the fence
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 245
sitting on the other side of the fence
Hi
I wasnt sure if I should post this here, or in the family and friends section, but I really needed to vent...
My ex partner and I were in a co dependant relationship. We both fed each other's addictions. He drinks because he's been doing it daily since he was 12 years old (he's 41 this year), and I drank to cope with his violent drunken behaviour. We have a 2 year old daughter together and unfortunately I cant just cut him out of my life for her sake.
Anyway, long story short, I made the decision to be sober and have been for over a month now. Now that im sitting on the other side of the fence im not sure how to deal with him and his verbal abuse. I feel that he is compromising my sobriety but I cant just walk away. (emotionally, I mean. I left him physically 2 years ago)
Ive tried to get him to seek help, but he flat out told me that he doesn't want to stop drinking (he chose alcohol over keeping his family together when I gave him the ultimatum). How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?
He absolutely adores his daughter and I don't want to deprive her of having a dad but im at the end of my rope. I have so much more hatred towards him now that I'm sober. Its gotten to the point where I am physically ill when his number comes up on my phone and just ignoring his phone calls makes him even angrier and more hurtful.
Last night I had to take my daughter to the hospital and thought I was doing the right thing by calling him to let him know what was going on. BIG mistake. It ended in a screaming match and ultimately with me hanging up on him (multiple times). Today im getting several text messages from him because I refuse to answer my phone.
Ive just spent an hour and a half vomiting up stomach bile because my body isn't coping with the stress.
Im not really asking for any advice, but I just needed to anonymously vent. Thank you for listening.
RQ
I wasnt sure if I should post this here, or in the family and friends section, but I really needed to vent...
My ex partner and I were in a co dependant relationship. We both fed each other's addictions. He drinks because he's been doing it daily since he was 12 years old (he's 41 this year), and I drank to cope with his violent drunken behaviour. We have a 2 year old daughter together and unfortunately I cant just cut him out of my life for her sake.
Anyway, long story short, I made the decision to be sober and have been for over a month now. Now that im sitting on the other side of the fence im not sure how to deal with him and his verbal abuse. I feel that he is compromising my sobriety but I cant just walk away. (emotionally, I mean. I left him physically 2 years ago)
Ive tried to get him to seek help, but he flat out told me that he doesn't want to stop drinking (he chose alcohol over keeping his family together when I gave him the ultimatum). How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?
He absolutely adores his daughter and I don't want to deprive her of having a dad but im at the end of my rope. I have so much more hatred towards him now that I'm sober. Its gotten to the point where I am physically ill when his number comes up on my phone and just ignoring his phone calls makes him even angrier and more hurtful.
Last night I had to take my daughter to the hospital and thought I was doing the right thing by calling him to let him know what was going on. BIG mistake. It ended in a screaming match and ultimately with me hanging up on him (multiple times). Today im getting several text messages from him because I refuse to answer my phone.
Ive just spent an hour and a half vomiting up stomach bile because my body isn't coping with the stress.
Im not really asking for any advice, but I just needed to anonymously vent. Thank you for listening.
RQ
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
RQ, I hear your pain! I was married to an alcoholic and drug addict and it was pure h*ll. When I got sober the first time, I kicked him out of my life. That's a very difficult thing to do and I'm not suggesting anything since you have to make your own decisions. I can tell you that two actively alcoholic parents is not good for children - even one is not good. It sounds like you need lots of support right now. I will be thinking of you and hope you find a solution that works for you!
Sassy
Sassy
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