Jeni26

I've made my list. One is to my sister for stuff that happened long ago. I can't really go into it all, but a lot of stuff happened when we were children and teenagers. I've sought advice from my sponsor who told me I probably needed to seek counselling.
Well yesterday I spoke with a therapist who specialises in childhood trauma and alcohol addiction. She is willing to help me but isn't an AA person and said this step doesn't help with my specific issues.

I don't want to hurt my sister when I'm building a new and close sober relationship with her. But this may help her. I have no way of knowing and no-one I've spoken to seems to know either.

paul99

I had one or two people on my list that I just wasn't sure if I should make the approach or not. I would speak to my sponsor about it, and some old timers, and there was no consensus on it. So it came down to prayer for me. I prayed that I might be shown the way in regards to that matter. In the one case, an ex girlfriend who I hadn't seen or talked to in 20+ years showed up at my son's soccer game "out of the blue"...and I was able to make the amend.

It's a tough situation for you...you don't want to cause injury to her. We don't hurt someone at the expense of getting relief. Your call...but I am sure you will get some other, more experienced advice here

Jeni26

Ok thanks Paul.

I'm the great over-thinker with everything. Maybe it will just be a case of praying on this one.

Joe Nerv

I agree with Paul.

Choosing to do nothing right now is a decision you can also make, and it seems that would be the best for the time being. Prayer, and talking with others will eventually yeild an answer.

A lot of the ammends I made came on god's time, not mine, and in very unexpected ways. Trusting in the process and putting that ammends on hold I think may be best bet. The willingness is all that's necessary in some of these things. You might want to also think about other ways of making ammends than apologizing, or talking about what went on. Ammends are about making right for the wrongs, not necessarily talking about and working those wrongs out, or apologizing. Doing something that would let her know you were truly sorry, and a changed person might be more beneficial than ever bringing up the past. My guess is she'll understand what's going on.

And for what it's worth, I have similar ammends that I had to just let go of as I'm pretty certain it wouldn't be a good idea to bring them up. May need now to take my own advice above, as I never actually did that.

Berrybean

It sounds like you are WLLING to make those amends. You have sought advise as well. I would think that it's now something to put aside for safety's sake and make living amends to her instead.

tomsteve

Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit.

I will give ya one this applies to for me.
I've mentioned I was responsible for the death of another human. It wasn't until I got sober that I looked at how it affected the family. I was devastated putting myself in their shoes.
I was doing my fifth step, which was awesome. And when it came to talking about the incident, I mentioned I really wanted to make amends to the mans family.
The man said something very simple- except when to do so would injure them or others. Pray on it, listen, and read the big book on the ninth step.

Bringing it up could very well have brought up pain and suffering that took a long time to get over and/ or work through.

Friend Of Bill

Well pages 76 through 83 answers those questions some of mens are best made by not doing them at all all actions speak louder than our words we don't save our skin at someone else's expense if you have to ask this question maybe you should work step 4 again step 4 gives us the awareness and the understanding to what extent we harmed others it's simply stating today I'm aware how selfish I was I believe the lie my entire life that I wasn't good enough and people were out to get me I was very self seeking and so full of fear I didn't said some things the mayor of harms you and God willing it won't happen again there are the amends of omission meaning when you needed me I wasn't there for you Financial amends some people can't be seen me write them a letter as long as you're willing to set matters straight God has forgiven us we have to forgive us and we learn to forgive others are 8thstep list is already made when we get to step 8 we made it when we took inventory we have the names in question number 4 of our sex inventory the book Alcoholics Anonymous is the only book written that contains the directions on how to take the steps

courage2

I agree with the other posts. I'm just waiting on some amends. Maybe there will come a right time, and something I can do that's truly helpful, rather than just words and thoughts that might do more harm than good.

hpdw

I think this is a very individual or personal step if you like .

In my life there are historical events that need to stay historical and I was the injured party so why did I carry 50 years of guilt .

This is work for specialists as far as i'm concerned .

Friend Of Bill

That's between you and your higher power only you know it's your last your 4th step reference book if you don't know then you should revisit do each part again especially the fourth column and sex inventory and you will know exactly who to make amends to to what extremes that you've harmed an injured them and what type of a mens are neededv to make