To chose life or death
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 5
To chose life or death
My brother just spent 5 days in ICU due to liver complications. He had quit drinking for several years, but started drinking on and off a few years ago. He stopped twice on the past 5 years once after a stroke and once after a DUI. About a year and 1/2 ago he rekindled a past relationship with a woman that is a alcoholic and started to drink with her, heavy, all day every day. I tried to explain to the GF about how dangerous it was for him to drink because he has HCV and cirrhosis and it would be like pouring gasoline on a fire. But she said its just beer it can't hurt you. So it was like having a discussion with a brick wall.
Now he has 10% liver function and is seriously ill. He says he is committed to stop drinking and eating healthy. My concern is the influence that his GF has over him. She drank the remainder of the beer she had stashed when he returned from the hospital. I am not sure if she is continuing to drink now but my guess is she is or soon will be.
My question to this forum is: Has anyone had a similar experience with family members being in a similar situation, 2 alcoholics one trying to quit and one just waiting to get her drinking buddy back. Neither one is involved in any type of treatment program nor intend to be. My brother was told by the hospital to get into some type of treatment but of course he will never admit to being an alcoholic.
I fully understand that there is nothing I can do or say that will have any influence on weather he drinks again or not. I will support his decision to adopt a healthy life style if he chooses that for the future. My concern is for his daughter and her hart is braking right now.
Now he has 10% liver function and is seriously ill. He says he is committed to stop drinking and eating healthy. My concern is the influence that his GF has over him. She drank the remainder of the beer she had stashed when he returned from the hospital. I am not sure if she is continuing to drink now but my guess is she is or soon will be.
My question to this forum is: Has anyone had a similar experience with family members being in a similar situation, 2 alcoholics one trying to quit and one just waiting to get her drinking buddy back. Neither one is involved in any type of treatment program nor intend to be. My brother was told by the hospital to get into some type of treatment but of course he will never admit to being an alcoholic.
I fully understand that there is nothing I can do or say that will have any influence on weather he drinks again or not. I will support his decision to adopt a healthy life style if he chooses that for the future. My concern is for his daughter and her hart is braking right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Very unfortunate situation. No, there is nothing you can do FOR HIM and since he won't admit he is alcoholic and doesn't want to get treatment I am afraid you know already what's in store.
My RAH has serious health issues due to his alcoholism long before we ever got together. At 38 he was in ICU in a coma for 30 days with little chance of making it. It took him 2 years to get sober after that and several more hospitalizations. Now he is a pancreatic diabetic with chronic pancreatitis. Last year after 10 years sober he relapsed. Shocking right? But that is the insidiousness of this disease.
Alcoholism is illogical. Trying to determine someone's bottom is impossible and IMO there are people who have no bottom.
What you can do is start going to Al Anon. That is the one thing that MAY have an influence on your brother which is to stop any and all co-dependent and enabling behaviors (its not always what you think - its not just about assisting the addiction). if you could get the rest of the family on board it would be great. For you, it will save your sanity and give you the tools to move on with your life while your brother destroys his.
So sorry you are going through this - post often and keep in touch.
My RAH has serious health issues due to his alcoholism long before we ever got together. At 38 he was in ICU in a coma for 30 days with little chance of making it. It took him 2 years to get sober after that and several more hospitalizations. Now he is a pancreatic diabetic with chronic pancreatitis. Last year after 10 years sober he relapsed. Shocking right? But that is the insidiousness of this disease.
Alcoholism is illogical. Trying to determine someone's bottom is impossible and IMO there are people who have no bottom.
What you can do is start going to Al Anon. That is the one thing that MAY have an influence on your brother which is to stop any and all co-dependent and enabling behaviors (its not always what you think - its not just about assisting the addiction). if you could get the rest of the family on board it would be great. For you, it will save your sanity and give you the tools to move on with your life while your brother destroys his.
So sorry you are going through this - post often and keep in touch.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If he continues to drink, alcoholic or not, he will die.
As you noted, there is nothing you can do to control him OR to control his girlfriend. I do know people who have gotten sober while living with an actively alcoholic partner, but those people did it with a lot of support from AA. It certainly makes things more difficult.
You and your family would probably benefit a great deal from Al-Anon.
How old is his daughter?
As you noted, there is nothing you can do to control him OR to control his girlfriend. I do know people who have gotten sober while living with an actively alcoholic partner, but those people did it with a lot of support from AA. It certainly makes things more difficult.
You and your family would probably benefit a great deal from Al-Anon.
How old is his daughter?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I am sorry for the reason that you are here, but want to assure you that you have found a wonderful resource of support and information.
At 24, your niece is old enough to attend Alanon meetings. She may also benefit from attending ACOA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics).
You may also want to point her to this website as we have an ACOA section set up for support of the Adult Children of Alcoholics. Here is a link to that section of this website:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I am sorry for the reason that you are here, but want to assure you that you have found a wonderful resource of support and information.
At 24, your niece is old enough to attend Alanon meetings. She may also benefit from attending ACOA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics).
You may also want to point her to this website as we have an ACOA section set up for support of the Adult Children of Alcoholics. Here is a link to that section of this website:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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