Fallow

Just sitting here awake so thought Id post about this. A friend of mine called me up, drunk. We talked on the phone for awhile. I find it interesting there seems to be 1 of 2 reactions from my drinking friends. Either they don't want to hang out anymore at all or they have this reaction where they are amazed you are sober and interested to know how you did it.

It is obvious to me that this friend wants to get clean. I just didn't have the heart to tell him about AA and my involvement there, or about this website. I tried to carry the message as much as I could, trying not to scare him away. I talked some AA without mentioning the program specifically. I want to help. Its not that I am embarrassed by being a member of AA, I just wasn't ready to tell all that yet. And I had a sinking feeling he was not ready to hear it.

SR is my safe place. Im scared to have someone I know in real life on here that knows Im here.

The thing that sucks is now I feel a little selfish. I could tell this guy had some jealousy as he talked about remorse of recent drinking episodes and not being able to stay sober. I just could not tell where the line was. I do not know how close to done he really is, especially over the phone. He sounded pretty sad about his condition, but stopped short of mentioning the A word.

Anybody got advice on handling that kind of situation? Experiences?

Im thinking that was not the last conversation we will be having about sobriety.

Eddie2010

I think you'd really be helping him by telling him you're concerned and then telling him what you did to help yourself. And I think SR is a great safe place for people to start the process of recovery.

Dee74

Hey Fallow

I don;t think it's selfish for you to think that way about AA or SR. I needed somewhere where I felt safe and where I felt able to be completely honest.

AA is great but every city has more than one group and more than one meeting.
SR is awesome but it's not the only recovery forum around either

I spent years looking after other people while not looking after myself at all. Thats just as damaging as any other kind of behaviour.

Don't sell yourself out here - you can advise your mate and keep your safe places too

D

fantail

In terms of SR, you could just tell him that there are lots of forums online where he can talk to people who are quitting or have quit. If you don't name names, he might end up here, or he might end up somewhere else, but neither of you will be the wiser.

Or you could do some googling for him and direct him to other websites that seem good. Send him an email with a list of resources, maybe? Info on AA and the other methods, a few different forums, etc. That way you're not necessarily revealing anything about yourself. Just "hey, as per our conversation, here are some examples I found of how some people get through it. It's different for everyone so you might want to poke around these links and see if anything speaks to you."

hypochondriac

I had this urge to start saving people after I had been sober for a bit. I think it is natural to want to help people, but it can be frustrating. I had a classic denial conversation with someone who drinks pretty bad (ending in the 'I just need to drink less' solution) and it was hard to try and explain to them how I used to think like that too but it was just avoidance and that being sober is a valid option. I told them about SR too but I don't think they ever showed up. Their lack of interest upset me a bit because like you SR is my safe place and I felt like I had given it to them and they just dismissed it. Hopefully they're lurking But I think the thing is that people have to come to these realisations themselves. When I think back to how long it took me to get here I want to help other people along a bit but maybe there is no short cut. Maybe the best thing to do is just be a living example. I feel a bit better about it now, like I can't convince the world it's better to be sober, especially considering how long it took to convince me, but being out there and not drinking you are just showing other people it's possible x

Fallow

Thanks. I slept on it. You all have great advice as usual. I will be better equipped for our next talk.

It is nice to be an example that is positive. Im realizing that I have quite a few alcoholic friends.

It is much easier to see from this side of the fence. I don't intend to jump back in the water and try to save them, for the danger of getting pulled back under.

I think it will not be long before Im comfortable to let my old drinking friends know whats really goin on with me. It started out as Im not drinking for awhile. Now its just 'a few more months' because I like being sober. Nobody has ever tried to get me to drink, they just see the change.

Fallow

And yes Hypo, there is no short cut.

I said that to him last night in the form of 'I finally got to the point that I was finished'.