pattyG

Feeling down tonight, was suppose to go out with friends but I'm tired and am doing some codie prevention....I know if I was out id do a drive by her place, or worse. So I'm going to take a bath, write in my journal and go to bed early. I miss her, even though she treated me like the enemy, is taking me to court, and I was never happy or fulfilled...I miss her.

ABIDEBYLAW

Treating you like the enemy and is taking you to court?
Sounds like I would be celebrating and doing cartwheels at finally getting rid of her.
It may be tough now, but believe me that the quicker you end it, the quicker things will get better.
Soon you will meet others, enjoy new adventures, and will wonder why you had ever wasted so much time on her kind.
Have NC, relax, and you will find happiness.

AnvilheadII

i'm guessing you don't miss the person who made you the enemy, who did all those terrible things.....so....let's be honest...what IS it that you really miss? what is underneath it all? what needs of YOURS need to be addressed and how can YOU meet those needs?

redatlanta

Yes I have the same curiosity as Anvilhead - you haven't really mentioned anything about her that is desirable in any of your posts...what do you miss?

Glad that you chose to stay in tonight and congrats on finding a way NOT to drive by her house. You are making progression and I am happy to see it!

pattyG

I asked myself this question Honestly and it keeps coming back to the abuse? How could I miss being treated badly? I know my mother belittled me throughout my childhood and I was constantly trying to win her approval....this relationship is very much like that. It is familiar. Painful yet comfortable. By staying involved at least the potential was there for it to change, be what I wanted. With it over I have to accept I failed. I failed this relationship, I failed to pick a decent partner. I can say that my head knows that even if she embraced sobriety, i would not be truly happy. Her mental illness, her prejudices, her lack of intelligence....all are a bad fit. I can say that I can't recall a conversation that ended well. I was always the enemy trying to hurt her in her mind.....and I was trying to prove the opposite. No matter how much I did, I never made it out of enemy status. Our relationship was basically her loving my kids and me praying that someday she would see that I was deserving of love too.