thomfynn

Hi again,

I posted here for the first time two days ago. It was my idea of a confession and a self-assessment.

At that time I had been sober only 11 hours. After writing I resolved I would stay sober for 24 hours and take it from there.

I slipped. Not terribly so... I had two beers at dinner and spent the rest of the night white knuckling my urge to sneak out and get ****** up. I didn't sneak out thou; I considered that a success.

I woke up the next morning and did what I had to to do. I lined up more work (I'm a freelancer in film and TV) and was called for a job interview in my field. I was feeling good...no...great.

By 10 pm last night, after 600 ml of vodka and 4 beers, I was drunk; **** faced actually. Trying to convince my fiancee I wasn't only irritated her.

She woke up to go to work at 4 am. When I woke up 3 hours later I found 13 empty 200ml vodka bottle lined up on the counter. She had found the hiding places even I forgot about. There was a note reading, '....you need help...please get it'.

My heart broke. I felt shame like I have never felt. I went back to bed.

All day my impulse has been to DRINK DRINK DRINK!!! DRINK GODDAMNIT!!!

I can;t even make 24 hours ... how do I stop this?!?!

Coldfusion

You can get help by posting more often here at SR when your sobriety is challenged.

A doctor or therapist might help.

Have you ever thought of going to AA?

Horselover

Hi Thom. You CAN do it. Resolve to find the way. As Coldfusion has said now is the time to seek out the tools to get the job done. Don't let shame pull the bottle back to you. You know the shame is coming from the bottle. Keep close to SR and find some help outside of SR. Might be necessary.

Tamerua

Come and post here, take it one hour at a time. I would also second AA which can be weird at first, but at least that is one hour that you're not drinking.

Best of luck!

ABIDEBYLAW

Yes you can make it way longer than 24 hours!
I drank straight for over 30 + years and have now stopped for 16 straight days.
Good luck my friend.

Hevyn

Thom - We know you can do it. I was like Abide - drank for over 30 yrs. In the end I was drinking all day - but I found a way out. There is life after alcohol - you do not need it. Once you get past this challenging time you will have your life back. Please keep posting.

Seiceps

Just don't give in to that voice in your head. Tell it to F off !!! Out loud ! I'm on day 9, it gets better. First few days ARE hell. Try your docs for something to help you sleep, it worked for me , but we are all different. Good luck. Stay here we are all in the same boat mate.