Starbaby928

So- I had a business lunch today with an old colleague. I've worked with this guy in some capacity for almost ten years.

He's in a new role now that brings him to the city I live in quite often.

As we were parting ways, he said hey- next time I'm in town, we need to booze it up!

I froze. I had a sense of panic. I didn't say no... But I didn't say yes. I just laughed. I feel guilty that I didn't say no.....But today is Day 7 for me... And I've only told y'all and two other people besides those I've met in AA that I'm not drinking.

This made me think... When did y'all tell people in your life that you're living a sober life?

Dee74

Depends on what you mean by tell people.

Work colleagues I'd say generally don't need to know the extent of your problem.

I think 'I don't drink anymore' is a perfectly good response.

You may feel like you need to tag an explanation there, you really don't, but I remember how self conscious I used to feel...

'health reasons' is a good generic and not untruthful reason.

Starbaby928

Thanks Dee... That puts it back into perspective. I've just known these people, and drank with them, for so long now.

I am very self-conscious about it. I don't want to even tell my brother for fear I'll drink again and disappoint him.

I know this isn't about anyone but me... But I still have those apprehensions.

Anna

I didn't. I felt from the start that it was an intensely personal journey.

Learning to say 'No, thanks' and offering no other explanation felt very empowering. You don't need to tell people and personally, I would give it a lot of thought before telling a co-worker. People have a lot of prejudice towards alcoholics and make assumptions, so be sure of yourself before you tell a co-worker.

Eddie2010

For now I'm just telling people I'm exercising, trying to get into shape and that alcohol has tons of useless calories. One margarita can have from 450-900!

I have this fear that if they know I'm trying to stay sober, they'll just start betting with each other about how long it'll be before I fail. You can always use the "I don't drink when I drive" line and make sure you're driving when you meet up with them.

I'm going to tell people I no longer drink after I've been sober for a few years. Then they'll know I'm totally serious.

Starbaby928

I wouldn't make an announcement at work but it will be obvious because I will decline or not drink at these functions.

I'm more concerned about other people in my life really... It's a fear of failure.

I like the idea of not telling anyone outright.

Soberemmie9

I'm struggling with this too. I told everyone that I was doing feb fast (giving up for February - a lot do it here). And now I'm beginning march 1st and its work drinks tonight. So many people have said 'oh finally, you can drink tonight'. I've been saying I think I'd like to go longer for health reasons but they just laugh and say yeah, right. I'm kind of angry with myself for being embarrassed about saying I'm just not drinking. It's something I'm going to have to get through tonight.

hypochondriac

You don't have to be explicit about it. I was like you in that my colleagues were people I drank with for years and a 'no thanks' wouldn't have worked with them. Initially I said I was giving up for Lent, with the aim of losing weight for a friends wedding. I didn't make too much of a fuss about the Lent thing though because I fully intended to stay quit after that. It's been a year since then and I still haven't offered any other explanation to my work colleagues. It comes up less now because they have accepted it and don't make a fuss, but I have had to deflect the odd question with 'health reasons' and 'just because' answers.

I told my immediate family after I had been sober for a few months. That was important to me because I felt like if I didn't then I was leaving the door open for drinking and also because I had visions of them giving me a hard time. I needed their support basically. I don't think that was necessary now but I didn't know that then. They didn't get it and I still think they think I'm over reacting. But in some ways it has been helpful. They have been supportive in their way.

All I can say on this subject really is don't worry too much about it because your feelings may change over time. This subject used to drive me crazy. I always felt like I needed to explain why I wasn't drinking but now I realise that no one really notices if you don't say anything. When I first quit there was a chance if anyone asked me about it I would burst into tears. Later I would just say I quit, now I might even tell them why and not be ashamed anymore. I hope you'll find this gets easier in time for you too x

Starbaby928

Thanks for sharing your experience!

SB

MA50

Starbaby I am in the exact situation. Im on day 5 and have not told anybody because I have not had to. Next time I am at a party or get together with friends, I was thinking I will just ignore the fact that I am not drinking...If asked why I am not drinking a beer I will just shrug it off and say I dont feel like it.

I have the same fear that if I tell people that I have a drinking problem that I am going to be "The one". Every time I see my friends or family I dont want to get weird looks. If I fail, I really do not want to feel embarrasement or shame in front of friends and family. I think I will just ignore it and say I want to lose weight or something. Thank you for the thread it has got me thinking!!

flyingsober

When I went through rehab three years ago my counselor told me that people generally don't ask questions and if they do you can pawn the answer off on something else if you don't feel like you're ready to disclose everything.

The examples I used were: Fitness routine doesn't allow it, diet doesn't allow it. I'm driving. Stuff like that.

P.S. Your posts and everyones brings back memories and helps me push towards staying sober, so I thank you!

FinallyFinished

"Alcohol gives me the runs".

End of conversation. Lol.

auden67

At my goodbye party at my last job, one of my best work buddies asked if they could get me a drink. I said sure, Diet Coke. I came back, took a sip through the straw (red cup, couldn't see the color) and BOOM! Taste rum. He didn't believe that I still wasn't drinking, and had ordered me and rum and diet. I didn't freak out (I was two months sober at that point) but just took the cup up to the bar and exchanged for a Diet Coke.

Coworkers that don't know you well enough to really know you might give you some **** for while. But it's totally ok to say no and not give a reason. I used to feel more embarrassed to say no, but now I notice more people not drinking and feel comforted. Also, drunk folks make me not embarrassed to not drink.

LexieCat

It's a pretty good idea to avoid drinking occasions as much as possible the first few months. When you do feel ready, or it's an occasion you MUST attend, then you still need a plan--just in case. Make sure you have your own transportation so you can leave if you have to. Arrive a little late, leave a little early. Have a couple of phone numbers to call if you need reinforcement. And if you are feeling shaky, just GO. You can just say you aren't feeling well (because chances are, you're not).

I didn't tell people close to me until I got through my first three months. But then I live alone and there was nobody really close to me I HAD to tell. And "No thanks" or "Diet Coke, please," are perfectly acceptable responses when someone asks if you would like a drink. If anyone asks me why I don't drink, I just tell them I decided it wasn't good for me. That usually does not invite further discussion.

Really, it is only a big deal to the extent YOU make it one.

TigerLili

Arrive late, leave early and keep a non-alcoholic drink in your hand at all times. if someone offers you a drink, just say "I'm good for now." It's really unlikely that anyone will ask you why you're not drinking booze and if they do, just brush it off. You don't have to answer every question people ask you. Look around for people you know who aren't big drinkers and hang out with them.

I organise functions as part of my job and I can tell you that we run out of bottled water and soda before we run out of booze. A lot of people don't drink at work functions, or drink very little. I was terrifed about how to answer questions about why I wasn't drinking but no one really asked me. One guy did, but it was in a curious way, not a beligerent way. If someone gets beligerent or aggressive, just smile and say "I gotta pee." and go talk to someone else.

I wouldn never disclose it at work, my family don't know and I plan on keeping it at that way. A couple of very close friends know and that's it outside of my doctors and AA.

Lunetta

I totally felt nervous at first like you but it gets easier as time goes on and if people give you a hard time when you tell them you aren't drinking, keep in mind they might have an alcohol problem too. So far it seems I was worrying about nothing! And I don't plan on telling anyone the exact reason why I quit but I think if it was the right person and right conversation, it would be okay.

Seiceps

Tigerlilli. Found it really interesting that in yr job you notice the said a water and bottled water runs out first ? I work as a chef in hospitality and never would have guessed that. Dunno why , but that made me feel better !

fantail

I've told friends that I'm taking three months off... months off are really big around here at the moment, almost everyone I know has done one (I pretended to do one in July but snuck drinks at home alone, yeesh). So that doesn't sound too crazy to people. When I get to three months, I plan on just telling everyone I liked it and I'm going to stick with it. I have a friend who quit for a month and then decided to stay quit and no one has found anything to remark on in that.

I mean, everyone close to me knows that I have a drinking problem. Maybe someday I'll feel OK with owning up to it. But for right now, for some reason it feels really important to me that they think that, no matter how bad I was, I was never worried about it and quitting was easy for me. Internalized stigma I guess. I'm sure I'll find it silly down the road but for now, I'm still keeping all things drink-related close to my chest.

Kimmers

You wont fail....you need to believe in yourself and yourself only.
IMO....feel sorry for your collegues that will wake up with the hangover...Pray for them!

Like2Hike

During the last 2 months I've often been asked in social situations as to why I wasn't drinking. Surprisingly, "I stopped drinking alcohol for a couple of weeks and then felt so much better that I've not gone back" has triggered a lot of positive conversations. People almost always reply with: "Wow, I want to try that", "Will I have more energy?", "Did you sleep better?", "Is that how you lost weight?"...those kind of remarks. I can be totally truthful without having to reveal how much I was drinking to casual friends or business colleagues.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. The weekends of 2013 have been completely sober and the best ones I've had in many years.