Need help for Wife
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
Need help for Wife
My name is Tobin, I am sober/have not used for 17 years. I am not a member of A.A. or N.A. The reason I write today is about my wife. First I will give some background info.
She is/has been a member for 8 years. She stopped going to meetings 1.5 years ago(when I started working out of the country). I have been working in India since Aug 2011. I only come home once a month for a short visit. We have 4 children(2,4,9,11). Her father became ill about a year ago. He died of cancer(pancreatic) 2 months ago. She retained the narcotics (alot) when he died. She has a bad back(she has had surgeries, so I know it's not something she just says). She has now used all the narcotics and has started beating(figuratively) up her doctor for more drugs. She is asking me to find her some pot. She has been buying and drinking beer and Liquor.
I am very worried and the only thing I can think to do is to quit my job and go home and help her out of this funk she's in. I know from personal experience it is a downward spiral.
Please provide me with ideas / past experiences that might help.
Thank you for reading.
Tobin G.
She is/has been a member for 8 years. She stopped going to meetings 1.5 years ago(when I started working out of the country). I have been working in India since Aug 2011. I only come home once a month for a short visit. We have 4 children(2,4,9,11). Her father became ill about a year ago. He died of cancer(pancreatic) 2 months ago. She retained the narcotics (alot) when he died. She has a bad back(she has had surgeries, so I know it's not something she just says). She has now used all the narcotics and has started beating(figuratively) up her doctor for more drugs. She is asking me to find her some pot. She has been buying and drinking beer and Liquor.
I am very worried and the only thing I can think to do is to quit my job and go home and help her out of this funk she's in. I know from personal experience it is a downward spiral.
Please provide me with ideas / past experiences that might help.
Thank you for reading.
Tobin G.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Hello, Tobin
You can find support at the SR Friends and Family forums and at at your local Al-Anon meetings.
It sounds as if your wife might benefit from rehab, if you can take the time off to take care of your family while she is away. But she needs to be motivated for this to be successful.
You can find support at the SR Friends and Family forums and at at your local Al-Anon meetings.
It sounds as if your wife might benefit from rehab, if you can take the time off to take care of your family while she is away. But she needs to be motivated for this to be successful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Tobin, I'm really sorry to hear this. It sounds to me like she is on the quick road down hill and unless she gets a grip now, things can get bad quicker than before.
Have you talked to her about an ultimatum? Can you take the kids out of the country? Family that can help? Can you tell her rehab or divorce?
You don't have to let her affect you and the kids. I know this has got to be overwhelming, but you all deserve better and she has GOT to see this.
Welcome to SR and good luck. Keep posting and reading, there is a lot of great information here.
Have you talked to her about an ultimatum? Can you take the kids out of the country? Family that can help? Can you tell her rehab or divorce?
You don't have to let her affect you and the kids. I know this has got to be overwhelming, but you all deserve better and she has GOT to see this.
Welcome to SR and good luck. Keep posting and reading, there is a lot of great information here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome!
I think the main issue is the children. There are four very young children who need to be cared for and to feel safe. Do you have a family member who can stay with your wife and care for your children or are you willing to return home to look after them yourself?
I think the main issue is the children. There are four very young children who need to be cared for and to feel safe. Do you have a family member who can stay with your wife and care for your children or are you willing to return home to look after them yourself?
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