Impatient and clueless
Grateful to be free
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Impatient and clueless
Are two words that described me in early recovery.
I was SO ready to be recovered and thought that somehow I could force myself to be so. That I could push and pressure myself, take a crash course and pull an all nighter and I'd wake up recovered, the best little former addict ever!
At the same time I had NO clue. NONE. I relapsed a couple times because I had no clue how to do anything but drink and use. I didn't understand anything I heard at meetings for a LONG time. I would nod along, repeat what I'd heard hoping I sounded smart instead of lost and stupid.
I couldn't know what I know now. I couldn't BE recovered just by wanting it and pushing for it. I could choose to not use and drink, but as far as gaining any insight or living skills, that takes time. It just does. I had to allow myself to feel what I felt, think, respond, test myself as new life circumstances arose. No matter how much good will and gumption I had, it still took time to get where I got.
It's taken me four years of recovery to get one year clean and sober...but none of that time was wasted or futile. but it just took time and patience, that I would get it, if I kept taking the next step, facing the next day, feeling the next feeling.
I could get sober over night, but it takes time to recover.
I was SO ready to be recovered and thought that somehow I could force myself to be so. That I could push and pressure myself, take a crash course and pull an all nighter and I'd wake up recovered, the best little former addict ever!
At the same time I had NO clue. NONE. I relapsed a couple times because I had no clue how to do anything but drink and use. I didn't understand anything I heard at meetings for a LONG time. I would nod along, repeat what I'd heard hoping I sounded smart instead of lost and stupid.
I couldn't know what I know now. I couldn't BE recovered just by wanting it and pushing for it. I could choose to not use and drink, but as far as gaining any insight or living skills, that takes time. It just does. I had to allow myself to feel what I felt, think, respond, test myself as new life circumstances arose. No matter how much good will and gumption I had, it still took time to get where I got.
It's taken me four years of recovery to get one year clean and sober...but none of that time was wasted or futile. but it just took time and patience, that I would get it, if I kept taking the next step, facing the next day, feeling the next feeling.
I could get sober over night, but it takes time to recover.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southwest Ohio
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by Threshold 
but as far as gaining any insight or living skills, that takes time. It just does. I had to allow myself to feel what I felt, think, respond, test myself as new life circumstances arose.
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