wanderwoman

Hi everyone,

I just joined yesterday and did my first hello thread - thanks for the warm welcome.

Reflecting on my words yesterday, I realised I sounded quite depressed, and this got me thinking....

Something which has occurred to me today, in my attempt to be mindful of NOT buying wine, is how much I use substances (alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, sometimes pot) to try to dull the stress I am under.

I know it is easy to blame external things for drinking, and that I need to learn to mediate my moods without substances, but I just realised that just about my entire life I have been under stress and do not seem to know how to function without it. This will likely kill me whether I can lay off the booze or not.

My whole life feels like it is a big stress ball. I wrote a very self pitying rant about constant stress throughout my whole life, but deleted it - I'm sure many of you would relate.

There are so many people here who have experienced way more than I have, and seem to have come out the other side.

What is it that some of you do to handle stress? Obvious ones are healthy food and exercise....what else do people do?

Dee74

I know you said it, but exercise is a really big one for me - nothing seems to work quite as well for me WW....

D

hypochondriac

I don't know what kind of stress you're under and I hope it isn't anything too serious. My life is very simple compared to many other people's but I still thought I was under a lot of pressure in some ways, mainly work responsibilities. It was interesting though, when I initially got sober I had to do one of the hardest and most serious jobs I have ever done, and a load of other things which I knew if I was drinking would have warranted a major session. And I found that everything was easier without the threat of needing to drink after them. I remember one particular event when I was doing something I really didn't want to feeling nervous and stressed and thinking 'well I can't drink after this so what am I going to do?' The only answer I could come up with was to try and enjoy the experience, and I actually did! It was weird. Without having to drink I actually came to relish stressful events in themselves. I think in a way addiction cause the stress rather than the other way round. If at every moment you need your addiction to help you cope then you are not going to be coping very well. It's not like the days when you could smoke in offices and have a bottle of whiskey in the cupboard. Maybe you'll find your life becomes magically less stressful sober But if not, you can always try other more helpful things like you mentioned, exercise, healthy eating, maybe meditation, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, reading, taking long baths...

fantail

Along with exercise, I really like volunteering. It's usually easy stuff, no one's judging your performance etc, I feel good about myself, helpful and productive, and depending on what the project is I get to chat with other nice folks. I generally leave feeling like a super hero and the other stuff feels less worrisome.

doggonecarl

I asking the same questions myself, wanderwoman, but about rage and anger, not stress. But let me ask you one of the questions I've asked myself. Has the drinking ever really "solved" the stress problems?

Or does alcohol let you hide from the person stress turns you into?

wanderwoman

Thank you.

My stress rant (apologies for the length of it)

The kind of stress I feel I'm under has pretty much been there most of my life. I do not blame my parents for anything which has happened. I did however have a highly stressful environment growing up for various reasons. My Mum is elderly now and worries me - she lives quite a way from me in a quiet town and I spend time going back and forth to try and care for her. We have a high strung relationship.

I work in social servies in an emotionally demanding job with quite a bit of responsibility. I've tried over the years to find other jobs, but do not seem to get them. My job regularly does my head in and I often function at the edge of burnout with it. I know helping others (volunteering) can be useful, though with my job I have no emotional energy to give more.

My finances are shaky, and I don't have a great support network. I'm overweight and constantly judge myself. I nursed my ex partner through cancer last year until he passed away, and at that time, the boyfriend I had for 3 years entered a relationship with a young woman, all the while insisting he loved me and wanted to continue our relationship. I was crushed as this seemed to reinforce my own feelings of being rather worthless and a failure at relationships.

I cannot seem to do positive or practical things for my own life, and while I wouldn't say I'm a good person, I seem to constantly be supporting other people.

My drinking escalated over the last 5 years, beyond the "big nights out" and "a wine with dinner" to way more, way regularly.


Excellent question doggonecarl - I know for me that my depressive feelings am also be anger at times. Maybe the alcohol does let me hide a bit from the resentment and anger I feel.

I didn't drink yesterday. I do feel angry today (I am caring for my Mum this week while I'm on "holidays" from work - this is fraught as I don't think the relationship will ever improve which frustrates me - she loves me but my whole life has just reinforced that I am a failure).

So yeah, I'm probably trying to fix things which might just be broken - and I do not mean me but circumstances. It seems I have to find a way to deal with circumstances, some of which cannot be changed right now, without taking the stress and anger into my body.

Thanks for letting me get all this out.