Hard pill to swallow
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
Hard pill to swallow
Today is the first day I am admitting that I am an alcoholic. Not giving myself a pass because I am successful at work, have a good marriage and have never been in trouble. Not giving myself a pass because I am not the embarrassing drunk at a party or the weepy drunk calling friends and family. I am not calling it "a few glasses of wine" anymore. I am calling it what it is, which is an addiction, a crutch and a prison. I have planned weekends around wine, spent entire vacations either buzzed or hung over. I have looked at others in judgement over their addictions while refusing to take ownership of my own. I am finally ready to say I am done but scared that I will not be able to succeed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 80
I am not one of the amazing people here who live in recovery and can tell you what works for them, but I do want to say What a statement! It sounds like you've made a decision to stop drinking. A lot of people here will probably say that you will need a plan of acion to move forward with your sobriety. Do you have a plan, such as AA?
A while ago I read the book Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife, where a mother with a good marriage and a fair amount of integrity tells the story of her alcoholism. I thought it was pretty good, and helped me understand how alcoholism can look slightly different on everyone.
A while ago I read the book Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife, where a mother with a good marriage and a fair amount of integrity tells the story of her alcoholism. I thought it was pretty good, and helped me understand how alcoholism can look slightly different on everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London UK
Posts: 33
I have planned so many things around wine and beer too. Planning where and when I could access good beers and wines...
Weekends are now a challenge but EVERY weekend I have remained sober has been enjoyable, fun, rewarding and WORTHWHILE - unlike all the drunken weekends.
Good luck on your journey!
Weekends are now a challenge but EVERY weekend I have remained sober has been enjoyable, fun, rewarding and WORTHWHILE - unlike all the drunken weekends.
Good luck on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
Originally Posted by loanshark 
Not giving myself a pass because I am successful at work, have a good marriage and have never been in trouble .
Originally Posted by loanshark
Not giving myself a pass because I am not the embarrassing drunk at a party or the weepy drunk calling friends and family. .
Originally Posted by loanshark
I am not calling it "a few glasses of wine" anymore. I am calling it what it is, which is an addiction, a crutch and a prison. I have planned weekends around wine, spent entire vacations either buzzed or hung over .
Originally Posted by loanshark
I am finally ready to say I am done but scared that I will not be able to succeed.
you have done step one in this journey and we are all here for you.
when the monster starts to call just sit here and start typing.
two simple rules to follow.
1) Dont drink
2) Start typing
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I fit your description very well LoanShark - still have my job, kids, wife, house, health...but I could have easily lost them if I continued down the same path you are. You are lucky to be stopping now before it gets worse - and it will, that is a guarantee.
Kudos to admitting...now the work begins. SR is a great place to get support and find info on other types of support (AA, AVRT, SMART, etc ). The most important thing is to come up with a plan that works for you...and we're all glad to help -and glad you are here.
Kudos to admitting...now the work begins. SR is a great place to get support and find info on other types of support (AA, AVRT, SMART, etc ). The most important thing is to come up with a plan that works for you...and we're all glad to help -and glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 79
Welcome LoanShark,
Same deal here although I lost everything once and rebuilt my life to where I am now. On the exterior my life looks perfect. Great job, beautiful home, 3 cars, well adjusted kids and a beautiful gf. My life looks great from the outside looking in but the problems with alcohol were tearing apart everything that I worked for and I'm not talking about the possessions but rather the relationships with the people I mentioned. Had I have kept going I would have lost it all for a second time. And like you weekends were spent drinking then Monday and Tuesday were hangover days, Wednesday was just crappy and the excitement started again Thursday in anticipation of the weekend.
It was a crappy downward cycle that appeared to have no way out. I tired so many times to quit on my own and would string together some sober time but I was always jealous of the "lucky" ones who were able to drink. I resented my gf and my kids for that reason alone and was just a bitter guy to be around. It came down to my gf telling me she was going to leave me and at that point I joined AA.
I'm just coming up to 2 months sober which is 2 weeks longer than I've ever gone. I'm not going to push AA on you but it has helped me tremendously and finding others like "us" makes a huge difference or at least does for myself. No more bitterness or jealousy, just peace in my heart and in my head plus the added bonus of having a social life with a lot of new friends. My family is proud, things are slowly healing and there is happiness in the home
Regardless of what you choose to do congrats on facing things and best of luck
Same deal here although I lost everything once and rebuilt my life to where I am now. On the exterior my life looks perfect. Great job, beautiful home, 3 cars, well adjusted kids and a beautiful gf. My life looks great from the outside looking in but the problems with alcohol were tearing apart everything that I worked for and I'm not talking about the possessions but rather the relationships with the people I mentioned. Had I have kept going I would have lost it all for a second time. And like you weekends were spent drinking then Monday and Tuesday were hangover days, Wednesday was just crappy and the excitement started again Thursday in anticipation of the weekend.
It was a crappy downward cycle that appeared to have no way out. I tired so many times to quit on my own and would string together some sober time but I was always jealous of the "lucky" ones who were able to drink. I resented my gf and my kids for that reason alone and was just a bitter guy to be around. It came down to my gf telling me she was going to leave me and at that point I joined AA.
I'm just coming up to 2 months sober which is 2 weeks longer than I've ever gone. I'm not going to push AA on you but it has helped me tremendously and finding others like "us" makes a huge difference or at least does for myself. No more bitterness or jealousy, just peace in my heart and in my head plus the added bonus of having a social life with a lot of new friends. My family is proud, things are slowly healing and there is happiness in the home
Regardless of what you choose to do congrats on facing things and best of luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by Talltrees
I am not one of the amazing people here who live in recovery and can tell you what works for them, but I do want to say What a statement! It sounds like you've made a decision to stop drinking. A lot of people here will probably say that you will need a plan of acion to move forward with your sobriety. Do you have a plan, such as AA?
A while ago I read the book Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife, where a mother with a good marriage and a fair amount of integrity tells the story of her alcoholism. I thought it was pretty good, and helped me understand how alcoholism can look slightly different on everyone.
A while ago I read the book Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife, where a mother with a good marriage and a fair amount of integrity tells the story of her alcoholism. I thought it was pretty good, and helped me understand how alcoholism can look slightly different on everyone.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome loanshark!
It's not easy admitting our problem and reaching out for help, so you've taken a major step today!
I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop drinking either when I first came here, but I found that with support, I got a little stronger each day.
Life is so much better sober and I think you'll find it to be true for you, too. Glad you're here!
It's not easy admitting our problem and reaching out for help, so you've taken a major step today!
I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop drinking either when I first came here, but I found that with support, I got a little stronger each day.Life is so much better sober and I think you'll find it to be true for you, too. Glad you're here!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Pleased to meet you, loanshark. You'll be getting a lot of support and encouragement from people who really understand - I think it will help you tremendously.
I wish I'd been as self aware as you. I was once at the stage you are, but refused to see what was happening to me. Many years of trying to control my drinking resulted in chaos and terrible loss. This won't be you. Glad you are taking action - we know you can do it.
I wish I'd been as self aware as you. I was once at the stage you are, but refused to see what was happening to me. Many years of trying to control my drinking resulted in chaos and terrible loss. This won't be you. Glad you are taking action - we know you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by loanshark
Today is the first day I am admitting that I am an alcoholic. Not giving myself a pass because I am successful at work, have a good marriage and have never been in trouble. Not giving myself a pass because I am not the embarrassing drunk at a party or the weepy drunk calling friends and family. I am not calling it "a few glasses of wine" anymore. I am calling it what it is, which is an addiction, a crutch and a prison. I have planned weekends around wine, spent entire vacations either buzzed or hung over. I have looked at others in judgement over their addictions while refusing to take ownership of my own. I am finally ready to say I am done but scared that I will not be able to succeed.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
So few people seemed to notice that I was having serious substance issues, and the few who did didn't say anything...that it was a relief for me to walk into a group and say "I'm an addict" it allowed me to do something about it.
Other people can be in denial about our substance abuse as well...for a whole host of reasons. Only by being able to admit it, was I able to address it for real, and then the healing began. It was way cool that people accepted that I was an addict and that I wanted to recover, without me having to prove just how much more I could screw up my life.
Other people can be in denial about our substance abuse as well...for a whole host of reasons. Only by being able to admit it, was I able to address it for real, and then the healing began. It was way cool that people accepted that I was an addict and that I wanted to recover, without me having to prove just how much more I could screw up my life.
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