Starting Out At Starting Over
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toronto, Ont
Posts: 3
Starting Out At Starting Over
Hi,
I'm 30 years old now. For the last 16 of those years I have been an addict and an alcoholic. The longest, in those last 16 years, I have been truly 100% sober is 8 days. Those 8 days were early last October.
I didn't drink until I was 18. Between the ages of 14 and 18 I smoked pot, dropped acid, ate mushrooms, popped speed... you know... experimented (abusively so) with psycho actives. When I decided to quit all of that I discovered Bicardi Limon. I spent the summer off 1999 drinking Bicardi Limon and Mountain Dew every day. At work, at parties, sailing, swimming, driving ... it didn't matter...just ALL THE TIME.
When school started in September, I switched to vodka and Gatorade, because I figured I could drink it in class and no one would notice. No one did. I was a 'model' student. Teachers loved me. I was popular. I got good grades (with the exception of chemistry) and went to university on a scholarship.
University. I didn't do as well in University as in high school or junior high. I did well thou. Well enough to earn an honours degree, present papers and participate in and present at conferences. I had decided after my first year to quit drinking. After that I rediscovered pot and other psycho actives. After that, at the age of twenty one or twenty two, I was introduced to ecstacy, cocaine and opioids. I did them all (cocaine being my favorite), with increasing ferocity, untill I was 25. Still, I held a job and continued my education.
After my second degree, at 25, I decided a self-imposed 'geological rehab' (ie running away) would solve my drug problem. I moved over seas to a country where I knew I could get drugs and if I did I could well be killed by the state. I took jobs teaching English to kids, university students and executives. I held them and did well. I was also drunk all the time.
After two years of that I packed up and moved to Toronto, where I have lived, worked and drank ever since. I haven't gone back to drugs, excluding the occasional line at a party. I have just drank; like a ******* fish.
Up until last November I was smug in my assurance / rationalization that I was a 'highly -functioning' alcoholic. I had built a fairly successful career in film and TV production, was fun to party with, moved in with a girl, got engaged, found a sweet apartment. Life, I was convinced, was pretty sweet peach. I knew I drank too much, I just didn’t care.
Then I backed my truck into and through a car wash after chugging 400ml of vodka in the gas station bath room.
I have lost a good chunk of my income, spent my savings on a lawyer and fines, can't drive and have the proud distinction of being the one in the family with a criminal record. But still, I drink. The last thing I had was bottle of wine at 2 am. Is this what a bottom looks like?
My fiancee loves me and supports me, both financially and emotionally, but I know that can't and won't last much longer. She refuses to leave me and we're still planning on getting married in two months. I know I'm lucky, but I'm sure I'm wearing her thin.
I honestly don't know why I'm writing this, and I don’t expect anyone to read or respond to it. I'm not Catholic, but I guess this is my form of a confession. It's also me trying to work up the nerve to walk into a meeting and change my life and myself...
I'm 30 years old now. For the last 16 of those years I have been an addict and an alcoholic. The longest, in those last 16 years, I have been truly 100% sober is 8 days. Those 8 days were early last October.
I didn't drink until I was 18. Between the ages of 14 and 18 I smoked pot, dropped acid, ate mushrooms, popped speed... you know... experimented (abusively so) with psycho actives. When I decided to quit all of that I discovered Bicardi Limon. I spent the summer off 1999 drinking Bicardi Limon and Mountain Dew every day. At work, at parties, sailing, swimming, driving ... it didn't matter...just ALL THE TIME.
When school started in September, I switched to vodka and Gatorade, because I figured I could drink it in class and no one would notice. No one did. I was a 'model' student. Teachers loved me. I was popular. I got good grades (with the exception of chemistry) and went to university on a scholarship.
University. I didn't do as well in University as in high school or junior high. I did well thou. Well enough to earn an honours degree, present papers and participate in and present at conferences. I had decided after my first year to quit drinking. After that I rediscovered pot and other psycho actives. After that, at the age of twenty one or twenty two, I was introduced to ecstacy, cocaine and opioids. I did them all (cocaine being my favorite), with increasing ferocity, untill I was 25. Still, I held a job and continued my education.
After my second degree, at 25, I decided a self-imposed 'geological rehab' (ie running away) would solve my drug problem. I moved over seas to a country where I knew I could get drugs and if I did I could well be killed by the state. I took jobs teaching English to kids, university students and executives. I held them and did well. I was also drunk all the time.
After two years of that I packed up and moved to Toronto, where I have lived, worked and drank ever since. I haven't gone back to drugs, excluding the occasional line at a party. I have just drank; like a ******* fish.
Up until last November I was smug in my assurance / rationalization that I was a 'highly -functioning' alcoholic. I had built a fairly successful career in film and TV production, was fun to party with, moved in with a girl, got engaged, found a sweet apartment. Life, I was convinced, was pretty sweet peach. I knew I drank too much, I just didn’t care.
Then I backed my truck into and through a car wash after chugging 400ml of vodka in the gas station bath room.
I have lost a good chunk of my income, spent my savings on a lawyer and fines, can't drive and have the proud distinction of being the one in the family with a criminal record. But still, I drink. The last thing I had was bottle of wine at 2 am. Is this what a bottom looks like?
My fiancee loves me and supports me, both financially and emotionally, but I know that can't and won't last much longer. She refuses to leave me and we're still planning on getting married in two months. I know I'm lucky, but I'm sure I'm wearing her thin.
I honestly don't know why I'm writing this, and I don’t expect anyone to read or respond to it. I'm not Catholic, but I guess this is my form of a confession. It's also me trying to work up the nerve to walk into a meeting and change my life and myself...
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Welcome, Thom. There is lots of great suppport on here, and I hope you find what you are looking for. Keep reading, keep posting, and keep staying sober, one day at a time. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 171
Welcome, Thom
A lot of great people on this site and believe me as I always read posts there is always worse. Welcome to SR and what ever question you have there is a person on here that knows the answer. I am a alcoholic and I slipped and slipped and slipped and all you get is support here. You will never be called a failure. Read posts, write what ever you want there are so, so many like myself that read them. You found a great site and like Sobgrl said.... 1 day at a time.
A lot of great people on this site and believe me as I always read posts there is always worse. Welcome to SR and what ever question you have there is a person on here that knows the answer. I am a alcoholic and I slipped and slipped and slipped and all you get is support here. You will never be called a failure. Read posts, write what ever you want there are so, so many like myself that read them. You found a great site and like Sobgrl said.... 1 day at a time.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by thomfynn 
Hi,
Is this what a bottom looks like?
.
Is this what a bottom looks like?
.
What you have gets worse- the resilience of youth does not last forever. I hope you can find a way forward for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by thomfynn
Hi,
I'm 30 years old now. For the last 16 of those years I have been an addict and an alcoholic. The longest, in those last 16 years, I have been truly 100% sober is 8 days. Those 8 days were early last October.
I didn't drink until I was 18. Between the ages of 14 and 18 I smoked pot, dropped acid, ate mushrooms, popped speed... you know... experimented (abusively so) with psycho actives. When I decided to quit all of that I discovered Bicardi Limon. I spent the summer off 1999 drinking Bicardi Limon and Mountain Dew every day. At work, at parties, sailing, swimming, driving ... it didn't matter...just ALL THE TIME.
When school started in September, I switched to vodka and Gatorade, because I figured I could drink it in class and no one would notice. No one did. I was a 'model' student. Teachers loved me. I was popular. I got good grades (with the exception of chemistry) and went to university on a scholarship.
University. I didn't do as well in University as in high school or junior high. I did well thou. Well enough to earn an honours degree, present papers and participate in and present at conferences. I had decided after my first year to quit drinking. After that I rediscovered pot and other psycho actives. After that, at the age of twenty one or twenty two, I was introduced to ecstacy, cocaine and opioids. I did them all (cocaine being my favorite), with increasing ferocity, untill I was 25. Still, I held a job and continued my education.
After my second degree, at 25, I decided a self-imposed 'geological rehab' (ie running away) would solve my drug problem. I moved over seas to a country where I knew I could get drugs and if I did I could well be killed by the state. I took jobs teaching English to kids, university students and executives. I held them and did well. I was also drunk all the time.
After two years of that I packed up and moved to Toronto, where I have lived, worked and drank ever since. I haven't gone back to drugs, excluding the occasional line at a party. I have just drank; like a ******* fish.
Up until last November I was smug in my assurance / rationalization that I was a 'highly -functioning' alcoholic. I had built a fairly successful career in film and TV production, was fun to party with, moved in with a girl, got engaged, found a sweet apartment. Life, I was convinced, was pretty sweet peach. I knew I drank too much, I just didn’t care.
Then I backed my truck into and through a car wash after chugging 400ml of vodka in the gas station bath room.
I have lost a good chunk of my income, spent my savings on a lawyer and fines, can't drive and have the proud distinction of being the one in the family with a criminal record. But still, I drink. The last thing I had was bottle of wine at 2 am. Is this what a bottom looks like?
My fiancee loves me and supports me, both financially and emotionally, but I know that can't and won't last much longer. She refuses to leave me and we're still planning on getting married in two months. I know I'm lucky, but I'm sure I'm wearing her thin.
I honestly don't know why I'm writing this, and I don’t expect anyone to read or respond to it. I'm not Catholic, but I guess this is my form of a confession. It's also me trying to work up the nerve to walk into a meeting and change my life and myself...
I'm 30 years old now. For the last 16 of those years I have been an addict and an alcoholic. The longest, in those last 16 years, I have been truly 100% sober is 8 days. Those 8 days were early last October.
I didn't drink until I was 18. Between the ages of 14 and 18 I smoked pot, dropped acid, ate mushrooms, popped speed... you know... experimented (abusively so) with psycho actives. When I decided to quit all of that I discovered Bicardi Limon. I spent the summer off 1999 drinking Bicardi Limon and Mountain Dew every day. At work, at parties, sailing, swimming, driving ... it didn't matter...just ALL THE TIME.
When school started in September, I switched to vodka and Gatorade, because I figured I could drink it in class and no one would notice. No one did. I was a 'model' student. Teachers loved me. I was popular. I got good grades (with the exception of chemistry) and went to university on a scholarship.
University. I didn't do as well in University as in high school or junior high. I did well thou. Well enough to earn an honours degree, present papers and participate in and present at conferences. I had decided after my first year to quit drinking. After that I rediscovered pot and other psycho actives. After that, at the age of twenty one or twenty two, I was introduced to ecstacy, cocaine and opioids. I did them all (cocaine being my favorite), with increasing ferocity, untill I was 25. Still, I held a job and continued my education.
After my second degree, at 25, I decided a self-imposed 'geological rehab' (ie running away) would solve my drug problem. I moved over seas to a country where I knew I could get drugs and if I did I could well be killed by the state. I took jobs teaching English to kids, university students and executives. I held them and did well. I was also drunk all the time.
After two years of that I packed up and moved to Toronto, where I have lived, worked and drank ever since. I haven't gone back to drugs, excluding the occasional line at a party. I have just drank; like a ******* fish.
Up until last November I was smug in my assurance / rationalization that I was a 'highly -functioning' alcoholic. I had built a fairly successful career in film and TV production, was fun to party with, moved in with a girl, got engaged, found a sweet apartment. Life, I was convinced, was pretty sweet peach. I knew I drank too much, I just didn’t care.
Then I backed my truck into and through a car wash after chugging 400ml of vodka in the gas station bath room.
I have lost a good chunk of my income, spent my savings on a lawyer and fines, can't drive and have the proud distinction of being the one in the family with a criminal record. But still, I drink. The last thing I had was bottle of wine at 2 am. Is this what a bottom looks like?
My fiancee loves me and supports me, both financially and emotionally, but I know that can't and won't last much longer. She refuses to leave me and we're still planning on getting married in two months. I know I'm lucky, but I'm sure I'm wearing her thin.
I honestly don't know why I'm writing this, and I don’t expect anyone to read or respond to it. I'm not Catholic, but I guess this is my form of a confession. It's also me trying to work up the nerve to walk into a meeting and change my life and myself...
30y old
2 University honors bus degrees
Experienced with drugs (alot)
Drunk all the time since early 20's
Live in Toronto
Amazing Corporate Job
Expensive living arraignments.
Thought I would live my life as an elite functional alcoholic.
Failed huge - Family let down
Lost drivers license
Total admitted alcoholic
Difference is I quit for over a year once, and I start rehab on Monday.
I have only been sober but a couple weeks. And the time I quit for over a year was about a month ago.
Good luck on your recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toronto, Ont
Posts: 3
...thank you all for your responses, they are appreciated...more so than you know...
...currently trying to balance getting back into financial security and the need to attend meetings and get my self straight... in other words, i still haven;t found the nerve to walk into that church hall monday night at 8...
...I haven;t drank today...all I've had is two beer with my fiancee at dinner last night...I found it hard to not sneak out after she fell asleep... but i willed myself to stay in bed, reading about cklassic boxing matches and looking for work...
...sigh..
...currently trying to balance getting back into financial security and the need to attend meetings and get my self straight... in other words, i still haven;t found the nerve to walk into that church hall monday night at 8...
...I haven;t drank today...all I've had is two beer with my fiancee at dinner last night...I found it hard to not sneak out after she fell asleep... but i willed myself to stay in bed, reading about cklassic boxing matches and looking for work...
...sigh..
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