Samalone

No contact seems great but then I get afraid for her safety because shes so far gone at this point that sometimes I wonder if ill ever see her real self, the non drunk happy person that I love, again. We just finished a rage-filled exchange which ended with her boliout into a big snowstorm here in chicago. This beganwhen I asked what it would take for her to just leave, take off, whatever. Because I had always assumed I would have to be the one to extricate, pack up the pets and go, etc (no kids). Even tho I've been bearing the financial burden 10 years I go off to work while she hangs out and watches tv & binges, then I realized im not myself either, and its this balancing act between homeand work, I quit jobs a couple times at least partly because I was so stressed from my home situation. Any one out there who can relate? Now im just worried shell get in trouble or harms way because shes out in this storm all fd up...just keep trying to tell myself itll be ok and tell my doggy and kitties too. Am I wrong to show her the door? Shes like " u cant just pack up & leave me like that, or kick me out were married" like im just supposed to do this forever.. I want to file for divorce but am I bound legally to take care of her while were married.. I think there is help available for her in chicago but as long as im enabling her she can't hit bottom right?..

MsPINKAcres

((Sam))

Something I had to learn for myself in breaking my codependent behaviors is asking myself these questions:
Am I doing something for an adult that is fully capable of doing this for themselves?
Am I denying this individual the ability to find their own self-worth, dignity and respect to act as a responsible part of society?
Am I acting as if I know what is better for this person than their own Higher Power?

For me, it was time to take some steps back and allow my loved ones to start being responsible for their own lives and for me to mind my own business ~

I still struggle with it when it comes to my adult children, but I keep reminding myself it's not my job to solve all their problems ~ only to be supportive in a healthy way.

just my e, s, & h

pink hugs,

cambell

Im where you are. I am very new on this site as im a "normie" in a relationship with a recovering alcohlic.Ive learned so much from others on this site(support,knowledge) more than ive ever known....Im still struggling with many things.He has been sober now for 9 days,but im very sceptical. Lately ive stepped back,reconnected with friends,started back at a local gym...That has made a huge diffreance cause now i think he has realised im not going to be his "care taker " anymore.Stay on this site! It helps tremendously.

Recovering2

You didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. Your wife will make her own choices, you can't do it for her. It's important that A's be allowed to experience the natural consequences of their disease, it's often the only way they will seek sobriety. But there is absolutely nothing you can do. You are not bound to enable her disease.

Read the stickys at the top of this page, and please consider AlAnon. Start to set your boundaries and take care of your own health.