Introduction - Hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 11
Introduction - Hello!
Hi my name is "SisterChristian". I am married, with an 8 year child. I was addicted to pain pills for around 6 years before I reached rock bottom and found some help. I have been on suboxone since March 17, 2012.
At first, I was doing great. I was "high" on life. However, since then the stress of life started weighing on me. Due to my drug use, I have made a mess of my finances. I'm behind on most of my bills. It's a struggle to keep my house from forclosure and the electricity on. There have been times when I didn't even have money for food.
Another huge stress in my life is my husband. He is addicted to pain pills as well. Although, he is prescribed his medicine. He has chronic pain from back surgery (18 screws in his back holding it together - ouch!), as well as a painful type of arthritis (polymyalgia rhuematica -or PMR, in case you've heard of it). He runs out of his meds most months, which either results in watching him go through withdraws or buying extra meds off the street (very expensive - something we can not afford). Both options suck!
Up until around Thanksgiving 2012, I was clean & sober. But, I discovered that I could take musle relaxers to help me deal with all the stress. So, I've been taking them ever since. Like a typical drug addict, I take a little more each time to get the same affect.
I am so disappointed in myself! I was really proud of myself, coming up on my 1 year birthday. But, I finally realized (been in denial, I guess), that I am no longer sober. I've just found a new drug to depend on.
I want to stop taking the muscle relaxers, and truely be "in recovery". That is why I am here, to get support, and find the strength to live sober.
This is getting long, so I'll leave it at that for now. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being here. I'm really glad I found this forum, as I have no one to talk to about all this.
SisterChristian
At first, I was doing great. I was "high" on life. However, since then the stress of life started weighing on me. Due to my drug use, I have made a mess of my finances. I'm behind on most of my bills. It's a struggle to keep my house from forclosure and the electricity on. There have been times when I didn't even have money for food.
Another huge stress in my life is my husband. He is addicted to pain pills as well. Although, he is prescribed his medicine. He has chronic pain from back surgery (18 screws in his back holding it together - ouch!), as well as a painful type of arthritis (polymyalgia rhuematica -or PMR, in case you've heard of it). He runs out of his meds most months, which either results in watching him go through withdraws or buying extra meds off the street (very expensive - something we can not afford). Both options suck!
Up until around Thanksgiving 2012, I was clean & sober. But, I discovered that I could take musle relaxers to help me deal with all the stress. So, I've been taking them ever since. Like a typical drug addict, I take a little more each time to get the same affect.
I am so disappointed in myself! I was really proud of myself, coming up on my 1 year birthday. But, I finally realized (been in denial, I guess), that I am no longer sober. I've just found a new drug to depend on.
I want to stop taking the muscle relaxers, and truely be "in recovery". That is why I am here, to get support, and find the strength to live sober.
This is getting long, so I'll leave it at that for now. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being here. I'm really glad I found this forum, as I have no one to talk to about all this.
SisterChristian
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Welcome! I'm also not talking to people around me about my recovery (at least not honestly -- "Oh, I'm just doing an experiment for a while with no alcohol, just to see what it's like"). In my case it's just that my pride is too big to go into it with folks. In any case, this is a great forum with great people and I've found a lot of support here. I know you will, too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 11
Thank you for the welcome!
No one knows what I'm going through, except my husband. I feel that I can't talk to anyone about this, definitely out of pride, but also because of fear of retaliation/stigma that would impact my young son. We live in a small town, so word gets around fast.
I was attending group therapy for a while, but the group disbanded.
No one knows what I'm going through, except my husband. I feel that I can't talk to anyone about this, definitely out of pride, but also because of fear of retaliation/stigma that would impact my young son. We live in a small town, so word gets around fast.
I was attending group therapy for a while, but the group disbanded.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Welcome SisterChristian! So glad you posted.
Eke....ego!!! I can so relate. When I was freshly sober in January 2012 I told no one that I didn't feel needed to know (like, no one, lol). It was one big, bad secret. I was mortified and felt people would look down on me for being a drunk.
It took me a long time to accept it and feel comfortable. I don't carry a neon sign or anything, but I'm no longer uncomfortable telling people I'm an alcoholic.
If you want sobriety, you can have it! You've done it before and can do it again!
Remember that the stress in your life will be there whether you're high or sober. For me, it's much easier to deal with when I'm sober.
Best of luck! We're all in your corner.
Eke....ego!!! I can so relate. When I was freshly sober in January 2012 I told no one that I didn't feel needed to know (like, no one, lol). It was one big, bad secret. I was mortified and felt people would look down on me for being a drunk.
It took me a long time to accept it and feel comfortable. I don't carry a neon sign or anything, but I'm no longer uncomfortable telling people I'm an alcoholic.
If you want sobriety, you can have it! You've done it before and can do it again!
Remember that the stress in your life will be there whether you're high or sober. For me, it's much easier to deal with when I'm sober.
Best of luck! We're all in your corner.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Elisabeth888 
Welcome!
Don't beat yourself up! You can start fresh. A new beginning. Do you go to NA?
Don't beat yourself up! You can start fresh. A new beginning. Do you go to NA?
Thank you for the warm welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I'll add my welcome too - good to have you here Sister Christian 
we also have a substance abuse forum you might like to check out:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
we also have a substance abuse forum you might like to check out:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by SoberFallon
Welcome SisterChristian! So glad you posted.
Eke....ego!!! I can so relate. When I was freshly sober in January 2012 I told no one that I didn't feel needed to know (like, no one, lol). It was one big, bad secret. I was mortified and felt people would look down on me for being a drunk.
It took me a long time to accept it and feel comfortable. I don't carry a neon sign or anything, but I'm no longer uncomfortable telling people I'm an alcoholic.
If you want sobriety, you can have it! You've done it before and can do it again!
Remember that the stress in your life will be there whether you're high or sober. For me, it's much easier to deal with when I'm sober.
Best of luck! We're all in your corner.
Eke....ego!!! I can so relate. When I was freshly sober in January 2012 I told no one that I didn't feel needed to know (like, no one, lol). It was one big, bad secret. I was mortified and felt people would look down on me for being a drunk.
It took me a long time to accept it and feel comfortable. I don't carry a neon sign or anything, but I'm no longer uncomfortable telling people I'm an alcoholic.
If you want sobriety, you can have it! You've done it before and can do it again!
Remember that the stress in your life will be there whether you're high or sober. For me, it's much easier to deal with when I'm sober.
Best of luck! We're all in your corner.
In a way, I wish I were an alcoholic. It seems like that is more socially acceptable. Alcohol is legal. Drugs, at least the way I was/am abusing them, is illegal. I worry about someone finding out were I work, and about being fired from my job.
Thanks again for your support! I'm really glad I found this forum.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome and be very proud of how far you've come.
Now you have another hurdle to deal with, but you can do it. I understand the fear associated with addiction and the ramifications it can have if people find out. It's good that your husband is supporting you.
Have you talked to your dr to come up with a tapering plan or to see if you can simply stop taking them? That would be a good place to start.
Now you have another hurdle to deal with, but you can do it. I understand the fear associated with addiction and the ramifications it can have if people find out. It's good that your husband is supporting you.
Have you talked to your dr to come up with a tapering plan or to see if you can simply stop taking them? That would be a good place to start.
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