chanty

I really thought I was committed this time, but last night I talked myself into drinking, I was on day 4, I always seem to screw up on day 4. So angry at myself. I could hear the chatter going on in my brain, have a drink you've been so good, don't go there you are doing so well, back and forth, back and forth until I cave in. Today, I feel awful, and depressed, snapping at the kids. Had enough. Back to day 1..

Hevyn

You learned something though, chanty. I used to do it too - felt better and then decided I could have 'a couple'. It always sent me back to the same old miserable place. You can do it this time - you never have to feel this way again.

Dee74

Hi Chanty

Many of us faltered a time or two - pick yourself up - and think about what you can do next time trouble comes around...

do you need more support? do you need to make more changes in your life?

I really recommend coming here before you make the decision to drink too - SR can really help

D

escapist

Four days is better than four hours which was all I could do for years. If at first you don't succeed try again.

kizzie

Hi chanty - Day 4 was always my hardest day. I think days one & 2 we're dealing with the physical hangover, days 2 & 3 the emotional hangover - shame & guilt - is enough to keep us from the drink. Day 4 the anxiety kicks in big time, for me anyway, and that voice you mentioned gets really loud and persistent. When I made it past day 5 (with a lot of help here on SR) things got easier. I still have my bad days. I'm only 13 days sober but I'm feeling a lot stronger and much more able to turn my back on the Voice. Today is your day 1. You CAN make it your last day 1. (((Hugs)))

chanty

Thanks Dee and Hevyn, I was going to come here but managed to talk myself out of that as well, I wish I had, next time I get the urge I will. I do need to make more changes and I think I am improving, at least I am not drinking every day now, where I once was, but I don't want to drink at all. I have started running, which is really helping, the time I get tempted is after school when I'm cooking dinner and the kids are going crazy. I know this now, now I just need to control it. Thanks for your support.

chanty

Thanks Kizzie, needed a hug. I will think of what you said when I'm on day 4 again. Glad it is getting easier for you, and escapist thank you too, I will try again!!

ddrayer

hey chanty, I had plenty of "getting sober" attempts that didn't even make it to day 4, but I feel like each time I have learned something. For me those first couple days I just need to find something to do. Its hard cause I didn't feel well but getting out of the house and being engaged (for me personally in AA meetings and exercise) helped me get through those first few days this time.

bigaquagirl

Chanty ... I'm in the same boat. Hang in there!

freshstart57

When you hear the chatter, try to become aware of it without getting roped into the debate. Observe it, watch it, but be very very aware that it is an 'it'. 'It' can't put the glass to your mouth, you do. You said that you don't want to drink anymore, and I believe you. It is up to you to tell 'it' that you quit.

Next time the chatter starts up, maybe you can even predict when it will happen, say, 'I don't drink anymore and I won't change my mind', and watch 'it' squirm. The lies will start up again and you know exactly what they are going to be in advance.

'It' will tell you: 'You deserve it'. 'It was a hellish day'. 'You need a drink'. 'You will quit tomorrow, maybe, but definitely not today'. 'You can have just one or two'. 'No wonder you drink, after all of that'. 'You are so angry right now, and you can't take it anymore. Better have a drink'.

They are all lies, and you know the truth. It's up to you, and you can do it. Any notion that you can't succeed doesn't come from you. Don't argue, just watch, don't get pulled along. Believe you can do it, and you will succeed.

chanty

Thank you Freshstart, this has helped and I will be stronger next time. I will try and detach and watch, it will be a challenge but I do believe I can do it. If I am struggling I will log on and re read your post and try and keep active like you suggest ddrayer. Bigaquagirl, you hang in there too, lets do this!!
Freshstart, are there any books you read that helped you control 'it'?

LostinWA

I hear you. Day 12 and I mess up:/ I will not give up though. We can do this!

gratefulkp

let your HP do the debating with those voices. you just keep living your sobriety. God bless.

kizzie

I hope Freshstart won't mind if I direct you to this SR thread about AVRT and learning to recognise 'it' - the chatter: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-5-a.html

There are links to previous threads on the same topic at the top of the above link page, and suggested reading and other resources as well.

chanty

Cool, thanks Kizzie looks like Ive got some reading to do, should keep me out of trouble for a while!
LostinWA you are on lets do this :-) are you back to day 1 too?

tomb

I know how you feel. I've had a few day fours. I'm now on day eight. Sr has really helped and so has AA. We can stay sober today.

1stepup

Hi Chanty, felt exactly the same as you with my last slip, was gona come straight home after an interview and post about it good or bad, instead it went bad and went for a couple to 'ease the stress'.

As ive already posted i ended up on the same inevitable binge, only lasted a few days though and got back on here, it definately helps. Day three for me now and have learnt the lesson, came sgtraight on here today after a drunk ex girlfriend verbally abused me last night, and now i dont feel like a drink and feel like the first hurdle has been past!

Dont be too hard on yourself and best of wishes.

MeetJohnDoe

Here's an idea. Go a dollar store, get two smiley faces or some kind of icon. Put one on your keychain and one on steering wheel or your car radio button, as a reminder. I've lost a lot of times in the last 5 years since I've been in this small town. Too easy to let perceived friendship with store owners cloud my judgment, and walk by and they'd wave me in. But I think, however pleasant they were as people, they just wanted my repeat business. IMHO, I was one of their best customers, and the reason they probably don't drink. So now I just wave when parking in the spot I often parked in and go the other stores. I attach my symbol to the ignition key so each time I grab it, it's a reminder to me I owe it to myself and my family to be sober.

JCMalta

Hearing this from you reminded me of how tricky alcohol is!!! I am on day 8 and on my 3rd day I started going out for long walks, it helped a lot!

Lifewillgetbet

First week is always tricky for me. Mostly because I feel like crap. I'm currently on day 12, my last slip I was on day 14, then had a long weekend and went on the binge for 3 days. Worst idea ever!!! I think my "Slip #" has grown to 5-6 times now.
I find that after a couple weeks my alcohol brain is gone and I can function normally. Sad part is once I feel 100% again I feel like I can reward myself with a drink. Not this time.
I just found SR, and it has been very helpful.
Thanks everyone!!!