pain

Old 02-24-2013, 07:53 AM
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Unhappy pain

How dou you cope with the never ending pain of addiction stealing your loved ones.
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Old 02-24-2013, 10:55 AM
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I'm not sure how parents cope with the pain of their child being an addict. I suffered the pain of knowing the drugs were going to win my husband and lived through it on a daily basis until I finally one day didn't feel that pain anymore. I became indifferent to it. I realized all the love and caring about him didn't matter. People who allow themselves to continue doing something whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling etc. that hurts their spouse, the one they promised God to take care of and treat like Jesus himself, don't care, pure and simple. They want what they want when they want it and to hell with everyone else. I accepted that. I couldn't change it, and as another poster says, I didn't cause it and I can't fix it. IMO men and women are each other's helper in life. A wife or husband of an addict isn't required to be a doormat to the one using. The pain of knowing he chose a stupid axx pill over me is gone, he's the loser not me.
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by LadybugRI View Post
he's the loser not me.
I agree. They are the looser. We deserve better
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:37 AM
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Its gone on for so long. First a husband. We has a daughter. I left him to hopefully raise her drug free. Married a cop. We had two boys. They are all drug free, but my daughter was an addict by age 16. She tore up our family. Then ran ... Had three children. Those poor kids. I cant help them. I walled myself away from my daughter, but now, third generation, my grand daughter was sent to live with me and she is using. The school is on to her. There was a blowout at home and the cops were called. They are on to her. Why does this keep happening. I cant make it better for her. I know that, but i cant send her back to her mom. She will for sure lose. Either way, she is gonna lose.
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:47 AM
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I am feeling this for you ouch59. Just hang in there and love her but don't enable her to get the drugs. No money!!! Talk and love her and above all pray for her. I hate that drugs take our babies! You are in my thoughts today.
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by ouch59 View Post
How dou you cope with the never ending pain of addiction stealing your loved ones.
My exhusband is a drug addict and our son is also an addict (currently in recovery). How do I cope with the pain? I let go. I go to meetings (Nar-Anon). I detach with love. And I live my life.

I would be lying if I said hat it never hurts...it does. But I work hard to concentrate on my own behaviors and those things that I can control. And I know that I could not do it without a higher power. I pray and give it over to my HP.

I use a lot of tools that I have acquired over the years and generally speaking, I am happy.

It's very hard to watch this disease take control of our loved ones. It is a family disease. My part is to work very hard at being healthy.....emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. That is the best way that I am able to help my son as well as all of the other healthy members of my family.

I see that you are new to SR. Welcome. There is a lot of collective wisdom on this forum. You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:02 PM
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My part of the disease is to work very hard at making sure i am healthy emotionally psychologically and spiritually. Thank you for those words. Thank you for rermindging me rthat that is all i can do. Im holding on to faith that the pain of realizing my grand daughter is sick, will lock away sometime.
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:19 PM
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I am sorry, no one will ever convince me that the gene that predisposes one to addiction is not passed on from generation to generation. My family and others I know of are living proof of that passage.

Keep working on you, it is very important for you to stay healthy, sending support your way.
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Old 10-07-2013, 07:48 PM
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well another little baby was born to an addict today. my daughter got pregnant again while on work release and just had a son, four weeks early. he is so tiny and not healthy, but holding his own. he is already in my heart dispite my distancing myself from them, I miss them all and grieve so deaply for the healthy daughter and grand children they could hve been. I hate this disease, and it is a never ending part of my life, ... never ending part of my life. when will the pain and anger and shame stop. omg I am feeling so desparate nad alone and sad. please god help us.
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Old 10-07-2013, 08:14 PM
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Ouch I am so sorry you are going through this. I give mine up to God as well. You have to take care of yourself first. You can only do so much. Have you gone to any meetings? Naranon may be very helpful to you.
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Old 10-07-2013, 09:07 PM
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Ouch
I'm sorry to see you hurting so deeply. Reaching out for help is good. I got help dealing with the pain of addiction through therapy and in the rooms of Nar-Anon (Al-Anon is good if there isn't a Nar-Anon meeting in your area).

It truly is possible to find joy in living whether the addict continues to use...or not.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
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Old 10-09-2013, 10:22 AM
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Thank you for your words. Sadly, it has gone from bad to worse. Babys bilirubin has gone up again and drug addict mom is throwing fits and blaming it on the nurses. There is no sanity. Poor baby shpuldnt even have been born yet and he has to deal with this extra stress. I sure hurt for that little guy. I wish someone would take him far far away from her. Him and the other kids. I dont understand how the county can let kids stay in a house like that. Who will take care of that baby ... So so sickenly sad.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:10 PM
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I have dealt with it by not denying it. Talk, meetings, sites like this, yoga, therapy and journaling. You got to work through the emotions. I think loosing a son or daughter to addiction might be harder than loosing a husband, but it is still horrible and painful no matter. Letting go of the hopes and dreams. Accepting the reality. TRYING to find the good in life. It has been 2.5 years since being abandoned by my addict husband. The pain comes in waves. Everytime he has hurt me or my son, I grow a little more and more detached. I am just now coming out of a 2-3 month long depression. He had really hurt my son this time, and I just was so angry and hurt. Currently, I am finding my smile again and feeling a little more like I could careless about him. I don't think about him as often. It is hard. Sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever go away. I feel like because this abandonment was so sudden, this was a death. He was my best friend for 16 years, and one day he was just gone. My son doesn't have a father. It is sad. Hang in there, and don't give up on feeling better once again.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:57 PM
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Story74. Your words made me finally cry. No one knows the pain addiction brings unless youve live it. It swallows up lives left and right. I never knkw if I am in denial or amazingly strong. Ive never been able to talk about it until I found this site. I am so deeply ashamed and hurt so badly for my grand children. i see in their faces the horrible pain that they have lived all of their lives. I at least was an adult when addiction came to my life through my exhusband, amd even then I wasnt as affected because we were only together a year. I took our baby daughter and ran. Her early teens is when I realized she too was a drug addict. I was in my late twenties. These children, my grand children have lived with it from birth. The full blown drug addicted horror. I cant help them. Sometimes I dontthink I can help me. I am so glad that you are finding your way out of the depression. Your son is hurt, but if he mamaged to escape the hereditary part of the addiction he will be so better off down the road. I dont know how it is each day that we pull ourselves from our beds and get done what we need to do. Every day i want to put my head on someones shoulder amd my jeart in their hands and say just please make me feel better. Help me forget that the people i love have been destroyed and I cant do a thing about it. Eveery day I hang onto what good I can find and hope that I am not hiding, but surviving.
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:02 PM
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Dear ouch, Your name says it all. I cried for months, I grieved, blamed, felt guilty, wanted to fix my ADs so badly. I gave the pain and illness up to God, I just couldn't do it anymore...then I'd rescue her again, this went around and around, it still does. And the judging that other so called friends do, that did so much damage. Right when I needed a friend, they abandoned me. SR never left me, scolded be, blamed me. SR educated me, therapy gave me tools, God gave me a happy tear every now and then. Ya, I still hurt, more like I sting in my heart. Once I started taking better care of myself, I felt better, not normal, but more like a mom again. This wasn't my fault, I didn't cause it and I can't cure my daughters. They have hit bottom and are in different types of recovery, but both desire sobriety. My eyes still hurt from the tears, but my heart has hope, and hope eased the pain some. Stick with SR, these folks are so kind, honest, they will educate you, hold your hand and dry your tears and give you all the support you can accept. Post, read, pray and post some more. Hugs, might be tender soft hugs, but sincere hugs, TF
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:14 PM
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Twofish, thank you so much. I wish I could crawl into.this website and sleep and feel peace. Your words mean so much. Everyones words mean so much. I cant change it. i cant help them or changeit. That is such a painful reality. Thank you.
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Old 10-10-2013, 04:48 PM
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I'm so sorry for your pain. PLEASE do not feel ashamed and open up. That is the first step. You can get through this, and you are not alone. It is very painful. I think it is a pain that will live in us forever. But, in different ways.
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