My boyfriend is a binge drinker & I am an enabler
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Greece
Posts: 5
My boyfriend is a binge drinker & I am an enabler
Hello to everyone! I'm Talin, 29 and I'm writing from Greece.
For the last 2 years I've been dating Nic, 39, a binge drinker. He's perfect when he's sober: clever, attractive, funny, caring, thoughful, sensible, but when he drinks he becomes someone else: a perfect stranger, a dangerous driver, an insane...
Over these years I have seen Nick trying to cut it down using a bunch of different technics; nothing worked! Well, they work for a couple of months and then one day this wonderful and intelligent man comes home plasterred. And then he promises he'll quit drinking, stays sober for a couple of weeks, goes out for a coffe and he comes home plastered again. Then he promises he'll quit drinking, stays sober for a month or so, goes fishing with friends and comes home plastered again... and although this vicious circle never ends Nick considers his attempts succesfull because he doesn't get drunk every week like he used to when he was younger...
3 months ago I told him I couldn't take it anymore, I would stop being an enabler and that I would leave him. I also told him not to get in touch unless he did smth about his drinking problem. After consulting a friend of his (who is an expert in addiction and rehab) Nic told me that he admits he has a drinking problem and he's going to see a therapist. I decided to stay in touch with him and drop by every once and a while in order to support him. Although he is doing pretty well, consumes very little and seems determined he keeps postponing the call to the therapist. However, what really conserns me is that he says that the idea of total abstention is stupid and that there is nothing wrong with having a little wine with the guys while watching a game. I'm afraid that Nick can't see the correlation between the first drink and the next -possible- binge drinking episode.
I love him with all my heart and I care so much about him. I know he loves me too. I hope that he'll find the strenght that is hiden inside his heart to save himself and our relationship.
For the last 2 years I've been dating Nic, 39, a binge drinker. He's perfect when he's sober: clever, attractive, funny, caring, thoughful, sensible, but when he drinks he becomes someone else: a perfect stranger, a dangerous driver, an insane...
Over these years I have seen Nick trying to cut it down using a bunch of different technics; nothing worked! Well, they work for a couple of months and then one day this wonderful and intelligent man comes home plasterred. And then he promises he'll quit drinking, stays sober for a couple of weeks, goes out for a coffe and he comes home plastered again. Then he promises he'll quit drinking, stays sober for a month or so, goes fishing with friends and comes home plastered again... and although this vicious circle never ends Nick considers his attempts succesfull because he doesn't get drunk every week like he used to when he was younger...
3 months ago I told him I couldn't take it anymore, I would stop being an enabler and that I would leave him. I also told him not to get in touch unless he did smth about his drinking problem. After consulting a friend of his (who is an expert in addiction and rehab) Nic told me that he admits he has a drinking problem and he's going to see a therapist. I decided to stay in touch with him and drop by every once and a while in order to support him. Although he is doing pretty well, consumes very little and seems determined he keeps postponing the call to the therapist. However, what really conserns me is that he says that the idea of total abstention is stupid and that there is nothing wrong with having a little wine with the guys while watching a game. I'm afraid that Nick can't see the correlation between the first drink and the next -possible- binge drinking episode.
I love him with all my heart and I care so much about him. I know he loves me too. I hope that he'll find the strenght that is hiden inside his heart to save himself and our relationship.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Greece
Posts: 5
Hi! Thanks for posting.
Keep in mind that I had binge drinking episodes myself before I met him and a dosen since we've been dating. But I decided to stop 5 months ago. I am sober since then. Well, I had a little wine on New Years Eve and that's all. But I'm hangin on in there!
Yes, it's possible that he doesn't feel ready to quit, just telling that in order to get me back. I'm also thinking that he might never quit. In that case, I should go on with my life.
It's hard though. To leave the person you most love...
Keep in mind that I had binge drinking episodes myself before I met him and a dosen since we've been dating. But I decided to stop 5 months ago. I am sober since then. Well, I had a little wine on New Years Eve and that's all. But I'm hangin on in there!
Yes, it's possible that he doesn't feel ready to quit, just telling that in order to get me back. I'm also thinking that he might never quit. In that case, I should go on with my life.
It's hard though. To leave the person you most love...
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Talin!
It sounds like you're very aware and you're doing the best thing for both of you. I hope he decides to get the help he needs.
Check out our forum for Family/Friends - there's a lot of people there who know exactly what you're going through. Glad you're here!
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
It sounds like you're very aware and you're doing the best thing for both of you. I hope he decides to get the help he needs.
Check out our forum for Family/Friends - there's a lot of people there who know exactly what you're going through. Glad you're here!
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Greece
Posts: 5
Thanx artsoul!
I am glad too that I found you. I'm finally doing something nice for me after a long time. I'm being optimistic and I keep on learning new stuff. I hope that I will have the chance to give back all the love and inspiration I was offred here.
I am glad too that I found you. I'm finally doing something nice for me after a long time. I'm being optimistic and I keep on learning new stuff. I hope that I will have the chance to give back all the love and inspiration I was offred here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
