How to dis engage with a ABF in the same house? Help
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 57
How to dis engage with a ABF in the same house? Help
What triggers an Alcoholic to savor engaging in a verbal beat down?
Nothing seems to work anymore, silence used too. But now it seems he seeks me out.
Last night watching TV he had drank for the previous 10 nights,I noticed he was drinking water, I stayed up to watch some TV and he said I'm tired lets go to bed. So because I stayed up I caused him to drink he says.
Are you kidding?
I say you really need to get a handle on this drinking, hadn't said anything for a month, because I cant take this behavior anymore its making me crazy, sick.
He then proceeds to say Its my fault because Im treating him poorly because I'm sober and should know better? Really?
He then went off on how high the electric bill was, and I was the reason.Claiming I leave lights on( sure while I'm in the room).
Then it was I didn't get him a lovey dove Valentine Card like he got me..
True because guess what.... I don't feel it at this moment and am sick of faking it.
Ive told him if hes going to stay up late drinking he needs to go to the Media room and watch TV and carry on, because I don't wish to be disturbed. Now Ive banished him there and I'm cruel.
I asked him to turn a light off, and I'm a prima donna ,
Why do some turn into nasty drunks?
He got in my face pointing 3 times.
Ripped the covers off the bed when I was in it.
Turned on every light in the rooms around me like a child,3 times and before he went to the Media Room, turned the heat down to 60 where I was.
I have reached my limit. This behavior is of a child during a tantrum.
I am sick of not knowing what to do here.
I cannot get out for at least 3 months just no way I have thought of all options.
Im so sick and sad, my poor dog sat in my lap shaking.
Nothing seems to work anymore, silence used too. But now it seems he seeks me out.
Last night watching TV he had drank for the previous 10 nights,I noticed he was drinking water, I stayed up to watch some TV and he said I'm tired lets go to bed. So because I stayed up I caused him to drink he says.
Are you kidding?
I say you really need to get a handle on this drinking, hadn't said anything for a month, because I cant take this behavior anymore its making me crazy, sick.
He then proceeds to say Its my fault because Im treating him poorly because I'm sober and should know better? Really?
He then went off on how high the electric bill was, and I was the reason.Claiming I leave lights on( sure while I'm in the room).
Then it was I didn't get him a lovey dove Valentine Card like he got me..
True because guess what.... I don't feel it at this moment and am sick of faking it.
Ive told him if hes going to stay up late drinking he needs to go to the Media room and watch TV and carry on, because I don't wish to be disturbed. Now Ive banished him there and I'm cruel.
I asked him to turn a light off, and I'm a prima donna ,
Why do some turn into nasty drunks?
He got in my face pointing 3 times.
Ripped the covers off the bed when I was in it.
Turned on every light in the rooms around me like a child,3 times and before he went to the Media Room, turned the heat down to 60 where I was.
I have reached my limit. This behavior is of a child during a tantrum.
I am sick of not knowing what to do here.
I cannot get out for at least 3 months just no way I have thought of all options.
Im so sick and sad, my poor dog sat in my lap shaking.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Italiangrl, a hypothetical question for thought: What if the house/apt. burned down tonight--where would you go? What would you do? I am guessing that you feel financially attached to him>
warm?
dandylion
warm?
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, that might make it more difficult, but certainly not impossible.
It doesn't sound like the disruption at home is real conducive to running a business, either. Not to mention going to school.
As dandylion pointed out, in theory a disaster could strike causing you to have to move. If that happened, you would figure something out. I suppose it's a weighing of how unpleasant a move would be versus how unpleasant your present living situation is.
It doesn't sound like the disruption at home is real conducive to running a business, either. Not to mention going to school.
As dandylion pointed out, in theory a disaster could strike causing you to have to move. If that happened, you would figure something out. I suppose it's a weighing of how unpleasant a move would be versus how unpleasant your present living situation is.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Monkey-hunters in India use a box with an opening at the top, big enough for the monkey to slide its hand in. Inside the box are nuts.
The monkey grabs the nuts and now its hand becomes a fist. The monkey tries to get its hand out but the opening is big enough for the hand to slide in, but too small for the fist to come out.
Now the monkey has a choice, either to let go off the nuts and be free forever or hang on to the nuts and get caught. Guess what it picks every time? You guessed it. He hangs on to the nuts and gets caught.
We are no different from monkeys. We all hang on to some nuts that keep us from going forward in life. We keep rationalizing by saying, "I cannot do this because..." and whatever comes after "because" are the nuts that we are hanging on to which are holding us back.
The monkey grabs the nuts and now its hand becomes a fist. The monkey tries to get its hand out but the opening is big enough for the hand to slide in, but too small for the fist to come out.
Now the monkey has a choice, either to let go off the nuts and be free forever or hang on to the nuts and get caught. Guess what it picks every time? You guessed it. He hangs on to the nuts and gets caught.
We are no different from monkeys. We all hang on to some nuts that keep us from going forward in life. We keep rationalizing by saying, "I cannot do this because..." and whatever comes after "because" are the nuts that we are hanging on to which are holding us back.
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