littlefruitbat

I decided to stop drinking after I was so trashed on Christmas Eve, I couldn't fill my daughters' stockings or get presents properly placed under the tree. I am 40 years old now and I've spent more than half my life drunk and hungover.
My best friend died a year ago when an aneurysm burst in her brain. She was an amazing woman and she didn't drink nearly as much as I did, but I still wonder how much our nights together of opening that "one last bottle" of red contributed to her early passing.
I have so much regret due to alcohol so why is it that I still question whether or not I truly have a problem?

Nonsensical

YOU don't. You know good and well that you have a problem. You articulated it very clearly in the beginning of your post.

However, you're sharing your head with an alcoholic. It thinks alcohol is swell, and thinks you should give it more. It doesn't care about the problems this might cause YOU. It wants MORE. All the time. It never stops.

I have one of those, too. He never shuts up. Damn annoying. He tells me alcohol isn't a problem. Maybe not for HIM, but for ME is sure as heck is!

You know what that makes him? A LIAR. He lies to me about alcohol.

Once I realized I shouldn't be taking the advice of a liar, MY LIFE got a lot better. He's not too happy, though, but, too bad for him! He complains a lot, but he's really quite harmless. He can't MAKE me drink, he can only lie to me to convince me I should. Pesky Bugger!

2granddaughters

So what have you done about quitting since Christmas Eve ??

Quitting is the last thing an alcoholic wants to do so naturally we question it.

Read what others here have done/are doing to get/stay sober and try whatever appeals to you. If it works, great.

If it doesn't work then you will have to come to AA with me. Time will tell what you need.

All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

glad you found SR!

PARROTHD52

As I was told the first time I called AA. "If you're making this phone call, there is a good chance you think you have a problem."

Natom

It's selective thinking. Regardless of the fact I was made homeless and bankrupt by my addiction I still sometimes look back on my old life with a certain type of nostalgia. I forget the things that have happened and what I have come from. This is unfortunately one of the prominent factors in alcoholism. The only thing you can do is promise yourself that you're never going to forget what alcohol did to you.

Natom.

soberlicious

There goes nonsensical making a ton of sense again. I agree with everything he said. In the beginning, that part of you will try to get you to drink. One of the best ways is to convince you that you don't have a problem. You have certainly collected enough data...over half your life. YOU...the real you...knows the answer based on the data and the endless experiments. Don't listen to that other part. It has no interest in your well being. It will be glad to die in the name of getting drunk. Stay the course.

littlefruitbat

Thanks for the posts-- they make a lot more sense then what is going through my head when I start telling myself I don't really have a problem and that 60 days was a nice break for my body, but it will be ok to have a drink at the dinner party Saturday (which I haven't). The dialogue of "I have a problem" "I don't have a problem" and "Maybe I did have a problem, but I'm sure I can control it now" is ever-present. I guess I'm still looking for ways to make the "I have a problem" the loudest, strongest voice and not to let the others be more convincing.
I don't think AA is for me as I am not religious, am not 100% ready to admit I have a problem and a bit shy about going since I live in a small town. Right now, I am embracing lifestyle change with healthy eating, juicing, etc. in hopes that my body will feel so good, I will lost the desire to poison it with alcohol.

markinsf

If you feel the religious part turns you off, take a look in the secular section on here. There are alternatives you might not be aware of.

Coldfusion

A few months ago, my wife and I did not think AA was for us either. We are atheists.

A trip to the ER (where I live, that means an emergency flight) and seven weeks in detox gave me a new perspective. We did 90 meetings in 90 days, got sponsors, are working the steps, and continue several meetings a week.

In January, our AA group started an "agnostic" meeting. We take down the posters that mention God and pass around alternate versions of the twelve steps. We close with silent meditation instead of prayer. This kind of AA meeting is possible anywhere.

Please also look at AVRT. It is very anti-AA, but it does not tolerate relapses. So, when the program works, it is 100% effective.