new, lost, will I be found.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: melbourne
Posts: 1
new, lost, will I be found.
Hi all,
Im just new to this. My story is very long and will try to cut it as short as I can.
It all started 6 years ago, was only very light social drinker. My boyfriend and I had just brought a house I found myself drinking alot and over the years it has become worse. I did marry my boyfriend, we are now seperated as he become a gambler and we become 2 very diffrent people with the same addictions. I am currently in the process of selling the house as my finacial situation is very poor because of the life that once was. I suffer from anxiety socialy big time.
I am currently seeing another man but he works away at months at a time. He knew at the beginning, when we first meet I told him I have a drinking problem im working on and at that stage was cut down to half of what I had been.
Last friday night come down to a big downfall for me. I drank 1 and a half liters of wine, my x husband had his girlfriend over and her dog and as we were in the process of selling the house in my drunk state I was not happy that the dog was there as it has been going to the tolite in the house. I gave up ran away, found a tree and started sleeping there, I relised I needed somthing back at home so went back. My x husband and his girlfriend were outside looking around for me I seen them there so I ran again only to fall. They had found me, then I started going into what seemed to be fits or cesures. With cuts all over me to from the fall and me crawling under trees a ambulance was called ended up in hospital.
I have not had a drink since but would love one the reasons for this is that my sister was called and is keeping a very close eye on me also the new guy I have started seeing he has given me a ultimatum if I dont stop until he gets back he is gone and never wants to see me again. My sister is taking me to my first AA metting next week. I do not want to go and I have told her im not talking. I am aware very aware of my problem but now people are only trying to help but it is getting to much, to much asking have I had a drink? what are you doing? where are you going? I just cant deal with it anymore I need to do this for myself and in my own way. I feel like going to get a bottle and hide it, it has come down to this. In all my time I have never felt the urge to hide and never understood why alcoholics do hide. Now I know.
I do want to have kids one day very soon in my life and want to do this now get myself right. I am finding myself lost trying to put myself into tv and reading again when I first started drinking I was watching tv at the same time then I found myself sitting on a chair with wine starring into space and just thinking and getting very sad about life. I am finding now I get tierd during the day and cant sleep at night that is hard as I work full time and over the years lucky have still managed to keep my job.
everyone is saying get out go do gym go do swimming, go for a walk but it's just not me I like to relax.
Im so lost.
Im just new to this. My story is very long and will try to cut it as short as I can.
It all started 6 years ago, was only very light social drinker. My boyfriend and I had just brought a house I found myself drinking alot and over the years it has become worse. I did marry my boyfriend, we are now seperated as he become a gambler and we become 2 very diffrent people with the same addictions. I am currently in the process of selling the house as my finacial situation is very poor because of the life that once was. I suffer from anxiety socialy big time.
I am currently seeing another man but he works away at months at a time. He knew at the beginning, when we first meet I told him I have a drinking problem im working on and at that stage was cut down to half of what I had been.
Last friday night come down to a big downfall for me. I drank 1 and a half liters of wine, my x husband had his girlfriend over and her dog and as we were in the process of selling the house in my drunk state I was not happy that the dog was there as it has been going to the tolite in the house. I gave up ran away, found a tree and started sleeping there, I relised I needed somthing back at home so went back. My x husband and his girlfriend were outside looking around for me I seen them there so I ran again only to fall. They had found me, then I started going into what seemed to be fits or cesures. With cuts all over me to from the fall and me crawling under trees a ambulance was called ended up in hospital.
I have not had a drink since but would love one the reasons for this is that my sister was called and is keeping a very close eye on me also the new guy I have started seeing he has given me a ultimatum if I dont stop until he gets back he is gone and never wants to see me again. My sister is taking me to my first AA metting next week. I do not want to go and I have told her im not talking. I am aware very aware of my problem but now people are only trying to help but it is getting to much, to much asking have I had a drink? what are you doing? where are you going? I just cant deal with it anymore I need to do this for myself and in my own way. I feel like going to get a bottle and hide it, it has come down to this. In all my time I have never felt the urge to hide and never understood why alcoholics do hide. Now I know.
I do want to have kids one day very soon in my life and want to do this now get myself right. I am finding myself lost trying to put myself into tv and reading again when I first started drinking I was watching tv at the same time then I found myself sitting on a chair with wine starring into space and just thinking and getting very sad about life. I am finding now I get tierd during the day and cant sleep at night that is hard as I work full time and over the years lucky have still managed to keep my job.
everyone is saying get out go do gym go do swimming, go for a walk but it's just not me I like to relax.
Im so lost.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome!
You'll be found, but you have to find yourself. It's great that you have people who love you and care about you, but they can't keep you sober. Only you can do that when you are ready to do that.
Lot's of great coping mechanisms posted here on these forums. I recommend reading as much as you can here. You'll find some things that will work for you and others that won't - but you won't know until you learn and try.
Best of Luck!
You'll be found, but you have to find yourself. It's great that you have people who love you and care about you, but they can't keep you sober. Only you can do that when you are ready to do that.
Lot's of great coping mechanisms posted here on these forums. I recommend reading as much as you can here. You'll find some things that will work for you and others that won't - but you won't know until you learn and try.
Best of Luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Cutiee 
I'm very glad you're here. You will find lots of information and support here from people who understand x It is all very well and good people telling you to change your lifestyle but it doesn't happen overnight. The first thing is to get help with staying stopped and I am sure AA will help, or if you don't take to it then there are plenty of alternatives. It sounds like you've been through a tough time but maybe it's a good time to take your life back too x
I'm very glad you're here. You will find lots of information and support here from people who understand x It is all very well and good people telling you to change your lifestyle but it doesn't happen overnight. The first thing is to get help with staying stopped and I am sure AA will help, or if you don't take to it then there are plenty of alternatives. It sounds like you've been through a tough time but maybe it's a good time to take your life back too x
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Welcome to the family cutiee. I'd like to predict that you'll definitely be found. Because you want to be, or you wouldn't have reached out for help. That's half the battle - admitting you have no control over the amounts you drink and what it does to you. Some people never see what they're doing to themselves.
I'm glad you have a supportive sister & I think it's a great idea to try a meeting. I know what you mean by wanting to do it your own way. No one in my life really understood what I was going through - and even though they meant well it just made me want to stay in isolation. I think that's why SR was so important to me. I could be myself here and everyone understood - no one judged or tried to rush me into anything.
I hope you'll stay close to us and keep reading and posting. It's sure to be very helpful for you - and you can do it at your own pace. Glad you are here!
I'm glad you have a supportive sister & I think it's a great idea to try a meeting. I know what you mean by wanting to do it your own way. No one in my life really understood what I was going through - and even though they meant well it just made me want to stay in isolation. I think that's why SR was so important to me. I could be myself here and everyone understood - no one judged or tried to rush me into anything.
I hope you'll stay close to us and keep reading and posting. It's sure to be very helpful for you - and you can do it at your own pace. Glad you are here!
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