1stepup

Hi everyone, woke up this morning with no drink left from yesterday and im really craving it.

Had poor job interview the other day and went out drinking after the dissapointment. Blacked out after second bar, lost all my certificates and other job stuff. Drank since to block out the pain, now its run out and im so desperate for alcohol.

My old sponser from aa has text me but i feel so ashamed and angry at myself that i dont want to leave the house. WHY was i born with this horrible disease, its wrecking my life.

Ive lost everything, my job, girlfriend, car, self respect, and yet its the only thing i know that will numb the anxiety. I will have to go looking for my bag of stuff, but i know if i went today id drink.

I know deep down that its not the end of the world that ive lost all this stuff, but im soo worried and anxious now that im finding it hard to cope.

jazzfish

I asked why for far too long. I finally just accepted that it is something I have and there is no changing that fact. I can, however, do something about it. I can make a commitment to sobriety and make the right decisions that work for me. It isn't an easy change; it may require support, but it is possible.

mecanix

Alcoholism can be a downer but it can also be a spur to living a very honest and real life , which can be joyous, where you live fully every day .
I'm not sure my non-alcoholic friends fully appreciate what they have, the preciousness and precariousness of it all .

Bestwishes, M

1stepup

Thanks for your replies, acceptance is the key for me. Some good news....

My stuff that i lost has been handed in to a police station. So there are decent people out there! Glad i havent drank today now, MUST stop drinking on emotions. Gonna stay in today and get well.

Its so good to know there are like minded people on here, i wish everyone all the best on this journey we're all taking.

mecanix

Learning how to deal with both the emotional up's and down's without turning to drinking has deffo helped me get to 18 months .

I keep on learning how to do it better, i hope

Bestwishes, M

1stepup

Thanks M, Well done on 18 months, that seems like a lifetime away to me, but i suppose everyone has a day 1.

Gonna see the finding of my stuff a good sign to stop now. My poor family have been put through hell, seeing me do this to myself. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Simply have to know that i cant have any alcohol full stop.