horriblethisis

I moved out for a reason...to start my own recovery. Only he is making me feel guilty about leaving. I don't want to see him right now until he gets the serious help that he needs for all of his addictions. Yet, even when I ask for space, he can't respect that...cries and says, please just see me once a week so you can see that I am changing. The thing is, I just don't want to see him, but I have agreed to go to breakfast with him once per week, to make "him" feel better. How on earth do I set better boundaries and stick to them. I have been codependent for so long...even though I moved - it still seems to be about him and how he is feeling. How do I change that and make him see how much he has hurt me and that he needs to give me my space.

suki44883

If you want space, you're going to have to be the one to make that happen. Stop seeing him. Stop talking or texting on the phone with him. Stop all communications with him. He isn't going to respect your boundaries, so you will have to be the one to do it.

hello-kitty

Unfortunately, I was never able to make my ex "see" anything. I tried and tried and tried. We can't really make people "see" anything anyway. Especially someone who's vision is clouded by drug addiction. And I found the more I tried to make my addict see, the harder he tried to manipulate me. Eventually I realized it was all just a game to him - he wanted to keep control over me. He didn't want to lose his enabler. He only "saw" when it was convenient for him and when he could use it to his advantage.

In the end, I had to be really firm and strict about enforcing my boundaries. I had to go no contact. It was the only way I could get the space I needed to recover. Then eventually, I realized I didn't want him or his addiction in my life anymore.

That was probably what he was trying to avoid all along.

horriblethisis

When I separate my heart and mind...I feel like I will be headed towards the route of "I don't want him or his addiction in my life anymore". I will try to communicate the no contact tomorrow. Thanks!

dollydo

Progress, not perfection!