ngolterman

Hello everyone, I'm new to this, but I didn't know where else to go, and I'm hoping that someone out there can relate to me and give me some sort of advice.

I'm a 17 year old guy that has been struggling with sobriety for around three-four years now. I went to inpatient treatment two years ago, and I basically lied my way through it. Afterwards, I was sober for maybe a few weeks. For a year following that I hid it very well, and everyone from my church, my family, and my friends (besides the few I used with), were so very proud of me that I had gotten sober. The reality was that I was getting messed up almost everyday on whatever I could find. I told my parents about 6 months ago that I wasn't sober that whole time that everyone thought, I even went and talked with my pastor for the third time of telling her I'd get sober again. When I left that meeting I got high in my car. And the past 6 months have been total hell. Coke binges, drinking binges, weed binges, every kind of pill you can think of binges, and, of course, trying to get sober everyday. I used that whole "just one more time" or "I'll quit tomorrow" line so many times. I only started to accept the fact that I had a problem, and am completely dependent on drugs in the past few months.

Every time that I would try and get sober, I would have to go through a couple month long phase of crazy anxiety, depression, insomnia, mood swings and suicidal thoughts. Luckily, I have found that bodybuilding is a good way for me to cope with it. (which is also what I am going to college for in the fall). My parents no longer trust me, and that is one of the most demeaning parts of it. It depresses me as to how I ruined my relationship with them by stealing, lying, and just treating them like total crap. I have basically drove everyone in my life that cares about me away, and only have one good sober friend, who has no idea on how to help me, because she is the polar opposite of me.

I just want to beat it this time. I want to kick this habit to the curb. I'm at a point now where I'm realizing that I really need to straighten my crap out before I turn 18 in one month. I can't get in trouble with the law anymore or I am gone to jail for a long while. I honestly have no idea how to do this, and I need help. I need advice, and I'm open to trying anything. I just cannot fail again. I can't let this be another one of those failed fricken attempts. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with the depression and anxiety from quitting drugs, and how to honestly stop this forever, please help me.

I threw away my last bag of coke and am coming down off my hopefully last high ever. (Will be up all night going insane from the comedown, so if anyone wants to help me through it and chat, that would be the best thing ever.) P.s. if this doesn't make sense, or seems like I just kept rambling on, I apologize

Thank you
Nate

sugarbear1

talk with your parents and get to a rehab, it will save your life!

YouRmySunshine

I see you are also from MN.
Try this site, Its not just Twin Cities its all over MN, not sure where you are located.
First call for help is 211 here. They are phones manned 24 hrs/day. They can just talk or give you info, numbers, advise, etc.

Or call (952) 922-0880, that is the Mpls AA that is also answered 24 hrs.
Prayers & I really hope you can find someone to reach out to that will get you help!
You are so young! And have so much ahead of you. PLEASE don't be like some of us who would give anything to get back in some cases decades of wasted years drinking or using.

Peace
~Jules

Anna

Hi Nate,

Welcome!

I'm so glad you realize you need to do something to help yourself. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, so it's good that you know you want to get sober now.

Take a look around here and read and you will see lots of people's ideas on how to recover. Remember, its not just about not using drugs or drinking, it's about changing your life and how you feel about yourself. It's about dealing with the issues that you are hiding from yourself.

AA might be something that would help you. Is therapy a possibility for you?

Dee74

Hi Nate

welcome to SR - there's a lot of support and ideas here.
Some good advice already.

Do you have a Dr you can talk to? that might be another way to take the first step here, especially if you're prone to depression and anxiety?

Anna's suggestion about recovery groups is good too - I think support really is a game changer in trying to stay sober.

I'm really glad you've joined us
D

ngolterman

I don't have a doctor anymore, I already went through treatment once and was on a whole buttload of medications for all that stuff. I really want to stray away from that, because it'd only be masking my problems even more. I think I'm going to check into going back into treatment. I made it through the night but feel like complete and utter crap right now. Thanks for getting back to me guys

FamilyMan2153

Nate, you are taking the first steps to a life of recovery. Good for you. Remember just because something did not work once does not mean it won't work again. There are so many ways to get clean and sober but you have to do them honestly. I went to outpatient and AA but lied through them and did not get sober. I decided to get honest with myself and went to inpatient, outpatient and AA. I listened and made the changes I needed to make. I am almost 6 months sober. I also used to take so much medication for a variety of things but those days are gone as well. I could go on and on but just remember that you are right where thousands have been before and recovered. You CAN do this. Hang in there, ask for help, find support. Let us know how we can help.

artsoul

Welcome Nate -

I felt pretty hopeless when I came here, too, but each day I stayed sober got a little better. Be patient with yourself and just focus on the next small step.... they really do add up!

Keep reading and posting. I leaned a lot on the support here and it helped me so much. We understand what you're going through and we're here for ya......

ricmcc

I find that when I used to (hopefully) try to deceive others, I was usually also deceiving myself, so you might wish to look into that bit, as well as following the very sound advice given in the preceding posts. Best of luck to you, rick