RoundTwo

From my previous posts I am not the normal recovery advocate...I'm off tonight, my drinking does not affect my professional life...so I drank. I did not drive, I did not gamble, I can crash...from drinking, no reprocucussions. But I dry gagged...my body teling me to slow down *******....I should abide. I'm not puking, but I know from thousands of previous nights its time to stop. The fun has stopped,the party has left...the bottle is half full...my degeneracy is calling me...decision is....good night, there is always tomorrow...recovery is a process

RoundTwo

Btw way I'm trying to recover on my own without the advice of people telling me god has the answer...if god had the answer we would not be in such pain that drove us to such distraction....we all have our own ways to bliss..... please remember this before your aa plan is so quick to make you judge me...this is recovery an no matter what you think there is no wrong way...

RoundTwo

Yeah, I drank tonight, judge me....that's what we are about...don't tell me you don't secretely love watching Intervenion....watching someone more ****** up than you. I have my problems but I maintain, I'm drunk now, but I know I shouldn't be. For those deep in their recovery...awesome...but for those of us examining or our existance still...its a struggle.. don't use my compliance with the current social structure to vindicate your use of the word addiction. Drunk and need to talk about my drunkness....bad decision...my decision...

ReadyAtLast

Hi roundtwo

Many people get sober without AA. The secular threads on here are excellent. I use AVRT which has helped me immensely. It's just about finding which way works best for you.

There are no judgments here-it's usually a quiet time on here as middle of the night in the US and late evening in AUS. Tomorrow is a new day for you, tip the booze out and start again. Try and get some sleep

RoundTwo

Yeah...avrt I keep hearing that....the truth lies within though....I will check it out in the morning though, must be something to it. Nothing sober about me now, but looking for answers...is soberness the answer or is contentness with life? Fine line if you ask me.

RoundTwo

Apologies to sober readers...finding my way...slowly

RoundTwo

Btw, apologies to all who clicked on this because of the title....I can't be as exciting as Intervention....good title though...maybe I should go into marketing...

Dee74

My body tried to get to quit years before I did. I didn't listen.
I went from the secret drinker who discharged all his responsibilities to a 24/7 drunk shambling mess.

I nearly died from not listening to my body.
Be smarter than me RoundTwo.

D

Z010011010

Hey, RoundTwo. I wouldn't worry about people here judging you. Pretty sure we've all done things we're not proud of. From reading these and your other posts, it sounds like you're not interested in AA. That's fine. In my opinion, it's more important to find something that works for you and helps you become the person you want to be.

I remember a guy in the hospital advising me to "find your truth inside yourself and not at the bottom of a bottle". I hope you keep asking yourself these questions and I hope you eventually find your own truth.

Best wishes,
-Z

RoundTwo

Yeah....over the last few years I've figured out my body as frail as it looks is pretty strong, I'm not going to jimmy hendrix it any time soon, but my mind can't handle the substances anymore...its a strange position to be in. Time to grow as a soul...as a human...as a person...as a animal....

fini

don't tell me you don't secretely love watching Intervenion....watching someone more ****** up than you.
hahaHA, roundtwo, believe it or not, i've never watched Intervention, secretly or openly.
haven't watched tv in years at all.
as far as watching someone more ****** up than myself....no, i didn't love it, but i sure did use it, so to speak. to gauge myself against, convince myself i didn't really have a real problem, because after all i wasn't near as ****** up as that PERSON OVER THERE!
yes. the truth is within, and that's where i found it one day: i was a drunk. that's it. game over. didn't matter how much, or if it affected my job, or if i crashed cars or was a secret drunk or if i was violent or if i almost died three times...i was a drunk.
after seeing that deep-down truth, drinking simply wasn't an option. done deal.
i joined a secular recovery forum and some f2f secular meetings. very active on-line there. connected with others.
the truth is within, and knowing who you are.
avrt is a tool, not a program. it's something you can use in your struggles. or not. it's no more than that. can be very effective.

I can't be as exciting as Intervention

well.......real-life you and real-life others are entirely more exciting and enticing to me than a show i've never seen.

keep asking.
i did.
but lo and behold, i could ask after i quit! new concept, that!

renaldo

I've dry gagged. The twisted thing is, I addressed it as a challenge rather than something to be avoided.

I hope you don't join Jimi. He had everything going for him. What a sad way to go.

I sometimes think how awesome it would have been to be a young adult in the 60's, but if that were the case, I would probably have died prematurely. The footage suffices.

2 artists just died yesterday. Cause of death undisclosed. But when it's time to go... well, remember a life well lived rather than get morose about it. They lived full lives and their mark on music will be remembered for a few decades.

renaldo

And yes, watching people's stories who are more screwed up than you on TV just allows you to say, "I'm not that bad."

It can also give you a heads up though. It's not funny or amusing.

But you've got to wonder about the guy who went on "Intervention" and became belligerent when there was an intervention. I mean, it's the name of the show?!? So why did you volunteer to be filmed?

I guess we don't always have our thinking caps on straight. Maybe turn them around a bit.

FBL

No amount of lectures, hangovers, etc. could get me to stop until I was ready to admit defeat. Only then did I start to learn how to live without that alcohol crutch. I drank for nearly 30 years, so I had to give myself some time to adjust. It's a slow process, but the rewards are tremendous. I wish you well.

bigsombrero

I don't believe in any God (Thor and Zeus included), don't use AA very much, and don't watch "Intervention" as I think it's trash TV and nothing about it speaks to me.

The most important thing that's kept me sober is being honest to myself. It sounds like you are there, but you are continuing to use. You are a bit defensive too. I don't blame you, you are putting yourself through hell and it's probably not super healthy for your mind.

When your body starts reacting with dry heaves, etc, it's trying to tell you something. You know that. Now just think about if your body is damaged like that - think about how much damage you are doing to your freakin' BRAIN. The brain is the real key to recovery. Good luck.

Coldfusion

Gagging is a sign of death that alcoholics tend to ignore. It's easy to say, "I'm not dying--see, I can still drink!"

renaldo

I saw a doctor and he said, "I tell people that if you keep drinking, you've got 4 weeks to live, and what they hear is that they still have 3 weeks to drink."

soberlicious

All due respect Round, It's not recovery if you are still drinking.

I did alot of dry heaving too. Your body is rejecting the alcohol. It is begging you to stop. Soon it will simply shut down.

Yep. It's time. In fact, it's passed time. Get on it before you miss the flight altogether.

RoundTwo

thanks for the positive replys people, been putting of getting on here and seeing what kind of garbage I posted. The defensive attitude I had was more me struggling with a lot of internal things...obviously...than anything anyone ever posted on here in reply. Avrt seems more my style, I'm looking into it. As ready as 99 percent of me is to commit back to sobriety, especially after this ridiculousness I posted....that 1% in me still likes the drink. I've drank since this post, but more responsibily. I think knowing you have the desire to recover is part of recovery, whether you abstained or not. Don't count me out yet.....thank you again for your understanding.

LDT

Whew....glad to hear back from you since your previous posts. No one here is "judging" you. No one has that right. We've all been there. But I agree with Soberlicious.... Drinking is not recovery..... At least it wasn't for me. However, your desire to stop will LEAD you to your recovery. No one is counting you out, Round... We all hope you will succeed.

Side note..... I have watched a total of about 5 minutes of "Intervention", just to see what all the "fuss" was about. .... Seriously NOT a fan of exploitive television.