First Week Sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 86
First Week Sober
Hi, I am only one week sober. I am the typical wine party girl. I am 39 and have a wonderful partner who has had to put up with quite a lot of the years. I have been in denial for I guess 18 years. I was never what I classified a heavy drinker i.e. I didn't need a bottle to get out of bed in the morning but when I drink (white wine or beer is my tipple of choice) it can go wrong, badly wrong to the point where I black out, get aggressive and sometimes self harm. When I come around the shame, guilt and humiliation sends me into a blacker depression (I have had depression to some extent for most of my life)....I don't which sets of which. Does the depression make me drink or does the drinking make me depressed? Whichever way I am tired, so very tired. I have over the years faced up to the reality that I am a binge drinker and tried to seek help and always failed and went right back on the wagon. Denial was/is my best friend. At just one week sober my thoughts are slipping to euphoria and a sense of relief and control to abject fear at never being able to enjoy a glass of wine again....which seems crazy as it has brought me to hell and back on more than one occasion. Why crave something that makes me regret so much? Anyway I saw this forum and read a lot of the posts and I think its amazing how other people's stories can get you through the rough periods/self doubt. I don't know if I can do it but I sure as hell am going to try. I think I am just doing 24 hours at a time. I have kept a bag of empty wine bottles to remind myself that my level of drinking was not NORMAL...a sack of empty wine bottles at the end of the week is not a good sign 
but hopefully this time I will get there. Thanks for listening and it has really helped to sound out....makes it more real and sends my old friend denial into the locked box he belongs! 
but hopefully this time I will get there. Thanks for listening and it has really helped to sound out....makes it more real and sends my old friend denial into the locked box he belongs! 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 150
Well done on the one week sober! At only 4 days I think the early days are pretty tough so it's great you kept going. But I know how you feel about the fear. I thought wine was my friend and so I feel like I will miss it but I must keep remembering that was never the case. No friend betrays you like that!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 896
Hi FW, welcome to SR. I'm also 39 and been a heavy drinker for years much as you describe. I also suffer the same symptoms from alcohol but what I'm noticing now is they are getting worse, more extreme, more remorse and depression. What I guess I'm trying to say is, I don't want to spend another decade feeling like hell so lets beat this beast together.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 6
On Day 1 here and your posts are helping me focus and create the right frame of mind to create a 'present' where alcohol does not feature. Right now it's just about living in the present in order to have success with this..... one day at a time
Hopefully we all have some fab days in store where we are not jaded and deminished by the negative effects alcohol has on our bodies, outlook, relationships and self worth.
hugs x
Hopefully we all have some fab days in store where we are not jaded and deminished by the negative effects alcohol has on our bodies, outlook, relationships and self worth.
hugs x
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi FirstWeek: Welcome! You're story is almost the same as mine (except I lost the partner to the wine). I am also one week sober after six weeks and then a relapse ten days ago. I also was the typical wine party girl and could not (still probably can not) imagine not enjoying another glass of wine again. But, as you mentioned, it betrayed me too. When I started blacking out, getting nasty and aggressive and not remembering it, and waking up looking like I had been rolled over by a truck---which, hell, I might have been, wouldn't have remembered!---I also felt betrayed that something that used to make me feel so good and so happy was now such a dark force in my life. All I can say is that I agree with what others have posted here about feeling so much better off the wine even though I miss it. I also look better, sleep better, eat again, and can moderate my moods myself without the chemical. It's a slow slog but I will tell you this--when I went on my binge ten days ago and found my way back to wine again, it beat me up far worse than ever before. More nasty interactions, more blackouts, more looking/feeling like s**t the following day(s). SO not worth it.
Anyway, welcome again and this place has helped me so very much over the past several months and I think you will find lots of good advice here. I have.
Anyway, welcome again and this place has helped me so very much over the past several months and I think you will find lots of good advice here. I have.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 86
Thanks for the support all. Work up this morning feeling more positive. It helps so much to know that there are so many of us recoverers out there willing to help each other. I am a little apprehensive about the coming weekend. My normal routine on Friday's is to put a bottle (or two!) of wine in the fridge to chill. I would then spend the whole day thinking about getting home and drinking it.....
I promise to remember where those bottles got me and remind me of the misery they caused...... Being originally Irish (what a place to grow up if you wanna avoid drink eh) I thought I would post this little proverb "A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything - Irish Proverb". Keep the faith!
I promise to remember where those bottles got me and remind me of the misery they caused...... Being originally Irish (what a place to grow up if you wanna avoid drink eh) I thought I would post this little proverb "A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything - Irish Proverb". Keep the faith!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
welcome firstweek. my story is similar to yours and I'm the same age. Binging eventually turned to everyday drinking at home for me.It really does get better. The first week is rough and when I started to feel better I wondered if I was really that bad so started again.Each time got worse and worse until I finally had had enough.I'm on day 75 now. After the first few weeks it became a habit that NOT drinking was the norm.Don't get me wrong I have bad days, life isn't perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than it was. The awful depression and anxiety I've had for years has eased.I get cravings but work through them.Everything is better now. Rather than think what I'm missing I try and keep it positive and think about what I have now that I didn't before. SR has been a great source of support for me. btw congrats on 1 week -it really does get better
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Chorley Lancs
Posts: 9
Hello FW - I can also totally relate to your Story, I love(d) the Wine too... and am only on day 12 myself, Saturday will be the big test on my first social/dance night out sober, not sure if I can do it, but am sure gonna try, if only for my own self-esteem and dignity of not allowing the wine taking control. I too suffer from Depression, and am sure it helps to stay sober - the Wine just magnifys and delays the negativity then adds guilt and remorse for what happens when I drink, so stay strong, it's nice to know we're all battling together and well done on one week, every day is a triumph!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 86
Thanks all! SoulGrove good luck on Saturday I will be thinking of you YOU CAN DO IT!!! Del thanks for the good vibes from Ireland (you probably know what I mean our society revolves around the pub!) This site is helping me so much. As you can see I live in Holland now and it can be difficult to communicate true feelings in a language that is not your native one. I am going to keep going with this path....I don't want to let myself down but mostly your support has given me the kick up the arse I needed not to let you down and that means taking some accountability for myself..... Good luck all. When temptation strikes remember there are so many of us in this together, we are not mad or insane just human!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 86
Stressful Day....
Having a bit of a wobble tonight....stressful day at work. I screwed up and didn't lodge my bosses passport for a visa he needs to travel on Sunday. Have done everything to rectify situation and hopefully it will be ready tomorrow. I am so stressed out and normally would reach straight for the wine bottle....made a cup of tea instead....hope it works out, I am totally sick with worry..... but hopefully with a clear head I can work out a solution rather than bury problem in a haze of chardonnay.....
this is exactly one of the situations that sends me off the rails.... thanks for listening...just need to scream out loud!
this is exactly one of the situations that sends me off the rails.... thanks for listening...just need to scream out loud!
Last edited by firstweek; 02-21-2013 at 10:56 AM. Reason: mistake in sentence
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Land of the free, Home of the Brave
Posts: 158
Hi firstweek and
.. Yep two things you said in your post I totally get! Not ever having wine again and when things get stressful thinking about going home and having that wine "to feel better" then I go.. What are you thinking??? Hello?? You might feel better like for an hour then all the other stuff kicks in because it'll just keep flowing. Then the guilt , the disappointment, sadness and at the end the pure joy of feeling so physically ill again. Blech!!!!
I just stop at that point and make coffee
Glad your here.
.. Yep two things you said in your post I totally get! Not ever having wine again and when things get stressful thinking about going home and having that wine "to feel better" then I go.. What are you thinking??? Hello?? You might feel better like for an hour then all the other stuff kicks in because it'll just keep flowing. Then the guilt , the disappointment, sadness and at the end the pure joy of feeling so physically ill again. Blech!!!!I just stop at that point and make coffee
Glad your here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 86
Dee74, you were completely right. I did not drink. Woke up with clear head. Found a solution to the work problem and all is under control. Not a bad result. Thanks so much last night I was so tempted...... I think had I been drinking I would have been in a bad way today.... this feeling is so much better. I will still get an ass kicking from my boss but at least I'm strong enough to deal with it....thanks for your support all x
I think had I been drinking I would have been in a bad way today.... this feeling is so much better. I will still get an ass kicking from my boss but at least I'm strong enough to deal with it....thanks for your support all x
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