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Confessions of a Craft Beer Alcoholic

Old 02-20-2013, 10:47 AM
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Confessions of a Craft Beer Alcoholic

First time poster long time reader. Almost 1 year ago (day after the Super Bowl, Feb 6, 2012 in particular) I woke up hungover calling into work "sick" for the last time. Since then I started 4 months sober, felt good about myself so I decided to get back into the game, 3 months later I quit again, that lasted about a month and from late September to, ironically, the exact date of when I initially quit, Feb 6, 2013 I tried controlling my drinking again to no avail. I have been sober ever since.

I'll try to make my history quick. Started drinking in high school and I was an instant drunk. I even had court ordered in treatment for 28 days and spent 3 years in and out of therapy. Graduated from high school and immediately got myself a nice needle habit, cocaine, meth and morphine. That lasted about 2 years when I bolted home and moved to the big city, MPLS, MN and started college. Quit drugs and hard liquor and just drank beer, granted a lot of beer at times but for the most part I wasn't getting blitzed but I was slowly becoming a functioning alcoholic. Then about 6 years ago I went into a liquor store, had a bunch of extra cash and decided to delve into the craft beers that were just starting to become popular and just like that I became a craft beer junkie.

For those that don't know what craft beer is it's usually made from a smaller, sometimes local brewery. The alcohol is slightly to extremely higher than the Miller, Buds and Coors and it comes in all kinds of styles. At the time I've had craft beer before, a lot in fact, but I never really got into until my new job gave me more money to spend and thus I became more interested. I think also that my social life was dwindling after college and I didn't go out much anymore and this was a craze and it became a new social outlet for me. Breweries were popping up, new beers were flooding the bars and stores and it was a good time to be a beer lover, still is in fact. I started writing a beer blog, I became a tour guide at a local brewery, I made new friends involved in the beer world, brewers, distributors. Dare I say I made a name for myself. I was recognized by people and was a go to guy. I made myself a nice little hobby and fun things were happening.

But as the next 5 years started to pass I noticed that I was drinking a lot more. I was having more and more hangovers and they were getting worse. I was spending tons of cash. I was going on beer vacations. To sum it up, my life was revolving around beer. I even had two children during this time and I thought that things would slow down but they didn't. I started trying to maintain. To hold off till the weekend. Only drinking a couple a night. I took breaks here and there but I always started off where I left off and I always fell back into my pattern: wake up hungover on Monday, held off drinking (maybe) for the night or 1 or 2 days then I would get a six pack, plan on drinking only 3 and I would drink all 6. Then the weekend would come and though the plan was always to keep in to a minimum it NEVER happened and I would wake up Monday morning with a hangover and a new vow to not go down this road again, but I would. If you know craft beer it's like wine, it's a sin to drink from the bottle. But I was done with the formalities, I drank em all from the bottle. I had all these tulip glasses but they started collecting dust. Funny, but this was a big sign for me that I've gone beyond appreciation of good beer, I was in it for the buzz. Hunting for the highest ABV for the best price was also a sign. I noticed my recycle bin was full of beer bottles every week and my garage was littered with bottle caps and bottles that didn't make it to the trash. A sign. Being wasted while I read the kids a bedtime story. A BIG sign. Basically signs were everywhere but I ignored them. I was in denial.

As I mentioned before I was forced into treatment as a teen and though that was a long time ago I still remember what I was taught and I knew, I knew for a while actually, that I was an alcoholic. I never really fully admitted it till recently but I always told myself that I wasn't as bad and I can control myself if I tried but I couldn't. Then the night of the Super Bowl, 2012. I had a six pack and a 4 pack of good beer and my plan was to drink only 3 or 4. I drank all 10 in 5 hours. High ABV ones too. I was hammered. I woke up so hungover I called into work and went back to sleep. Then I woke up and thought "this is it. I either keep up this game or I don't" So I called my wife and threw in the towel. That was 1 year ago. Since then I've bounced in and out of drinking only to end up in the same spot. So after a year of quitting and testing the waters over and over I threw in the towel again. This time feels different. We shall see.

So that's my story. I'm connecting my alcoholism to craft beer because I feel that the scene is still in it's infancy and like the wine craze I think this will show a lot of people the alcoholic in them they might never have thought was there. Not saying that craft beer will make you an alcoholic but I do think that the attitude is the same as wine. It's something that you appreciate not something you abuse. So you keep drinking thinking it's no big deal then one day your guzzling wine from the bottle and then it hits you, who cares about the nose or if it's "chewy" or not, you just want a buzz. I know a lot of people still in the game and I can tell things are not being appreciated. I think I was always destined to be an alcoholic and I think craft beer or no craft beer I would have still come to this day. I just think the higher ABV and the constant flow of new beer just sped up the process. Either way, glad to be here and I hope to contribute and get what I need form this place. Thanks for listening.
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:57 AM
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Welcome 0% I too drank mostly beer, and craft beer was a favorite. I was a member at a local brew pub "mug club" and would generally stop on my way home from work and have a beer or 2 at the most. My problem was that when I got home, i'd continue to drink cheap beer ( with maybe a good one or 2 mixed in ) to the tune of 4-6 a night. On weekends it was no problem to go through a 12 pack of Milller High Life while working around the house. I too remember ( well now I do at least ) falling asleep during reading the kids a bedtime story, etc..

I'm on day 45 now and still vividly remember the whole craft beer scene - trying the new beers, meeting the brewmasters, etc.. But as I've quit and started drinking again ( this is my second attempt in a year ) i realize i'm not able to regulate.

SR is a great place, you've come to the right forum for help and understanding. Glad you are here and let us know how we can help.
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:00 AM
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Welcome to SR. Much of my drinking was an appreciation of fine, quality beers.

When I quit I was drinking 40s of malt liquor. The disease is progressive.
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:09 AM
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Beer and Football... 2 of my favorite things.. Probably why my sober date is the day after my 49ers blew the superbowl... Anyway, glad your here... Jess
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:29 AM
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I too was a craft beer junkie. The hoppier, the better was my motto. Mix that with some Makers Mark and I was good to go. Problem for me was that booze stopped working for me and life got real bad real quick. I am grateful to now be sober 4.5 years and wouldnt trade it for the world. Not to mention, Ive lost about 40 pounds since Ive I stopped consuming an additional 1500-2500 calories of high ABV beer every day!
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:47 AM
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Initially I enjoyed craft beers. Then they became 'spacers' between shots of bourbon. There was much ugliness.

Welcome. There are many paths to sobriety. Read around on the various forums. You'll find yours!
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:53 AM
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Ditto, bb. I would have to say 2 to 3 years ago is when it stopped doing what I liked about it and life got worse fast. Everything seemed to be cool and under control then all of the sudden I was chasing the dragon and trying to maintain that initial 2-3 beer buzz with 4-5-6 or more throughout the night. I was slamming beers in my garage, like I would pretend to go out there and get one but I would slam one then come inside with one and "see, just one beer, no biggie." Even when I tried to maintain this past year I could go a day here and there with only two at the bar after work but in my head I just wanted more and eventually one day I would tell myself just 2 at the bar after work then on my way home I would stop at another bar for 2 more, or the liquor store and then the kids would go to bed and I would have to run to the store and have some more and I would be noticeably drunk.

If you have to TRY to maintain or control your drinking, you shouldn't be drinking anymore.
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Old 02-20-2013, 12:10 PM
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0%, I see a lot of my husband in you. I so wish he would quit with me. he loves the craft beers, or microbrews as he calls them. We must visit the brew pub in any town we travel to, as well. Not so fun now that I have been struggling with sobriety for 2.5 years. He still thinks he is in control. and I suppose he is, to a degree. 2-3 on most weeknights, and 6-8 on Friday/Saturday. Through sober eyes, that is alotta beer. Maybe much less than many here once drank, but it is too much by any healthful standard.

Welcome and keep your streak going this time. I understand the struggle, though my vice is wine(though I liked me some good beer too). I have tried to moderate a few times on my 2.5 years of intermittent sobriety. And I have health reasons that say i really should not drink at all. On a good run now, though.

You can do this!
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:33 PM
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I used to make my own beer many, many years ago. Had all the equipment, books, ingredients and a whole lotta knowledge and enthusiasm behind me. The only problem is that while it was fun, and I too got to learn about hand crafted beers, is that I also got a lesson in the progression of my alcoholism. I was in my early 20's, but by then I had already crashed a car and was burning through people and jobs looking for something to make me "complete". But those beers were always there. I guess the first clue to my alcoholism is that I would drink the beers that didn't work out for some reason - they would be off, but still have alcohol in them, so I drank them. So much for high appreciation for a well crafted beer. I just wanted oblivion.

Like many of the others here, I went from those lovely beers to wine, jug wine, and then vodka straight.

It's all the same, no matter what body it has, bouquet, type of hops used, etc...it's all poison.

Glad you're here!
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:48 PM
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I used to make my own too - by the end I was barely letting them mature properly.

Welcome to SR Opercent

D
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Old 02-20-2013, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by 0percentABV View Post
Ditto, bb. I would have to say 2 to 3 years ago is when it stopped doing what I liked about it and life got worse fast. Everything seemed to be cool and under control then all of the sudden I was chasing the dragon and trying to maintain that initial 2-3 beer buzz with 4-5-6 or more throughout the night. I was slamming beers in my garage, like I would pretend to go out there and get one but I would slam one then come inside with one and "see, just one beer, no biggie." Even when I tried to maintain this past year I could go a day here and there with only two at the bar after work but in my head I just wanted more and eventually one day I would tell myself just 2 at the bar after work then on my way home I would stop at another bar for 2 more, or the liquor store and then the kids would go to bed and I would have to run to the store and have some more and I would be noticeably drunk.

If you have to TRY to maintain or control your drinking, you shouldn't be drinking anymore.
Yeah. I had to get pretty creative with my drinking in order to hide it. I have a bar in the basement where I stashed my booze. Every chance I had to go down there and chug a beer or swig a bottle I would take it. "Just taking the laundry downstairs Honey!" "Again???"
We use an incredible amount of energy trying to live that way.
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Old 02-21-2013, 05:25 AM
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It's funny that a lot of you are saying you ended up at hard liquor. About a year prior to my "awakening" I was starting to make mixed drinks from my wife's vodka when I would run out of beer. It was usually on Sunday nights (liquor stores are closed on Sundays in Minnesota) and I noticed that when my wife would make a drink she would put in about a fingers worth of vodka in a 16 ounce glass and I would put 3, maybe 4 if she wasn't in the kitchen. Then about 3 months prior I came up with the brilliant idea that if I just made mixed drinks, Manhattans and Old Fashions in particular, I would cut down on drinking because, hey, you know, I only have like 2 (very strong ones). That's when things came crashing down because there is not way I could quit my beers because if you know the craft beer world there are always new ones popping up that YOU HAVE TO BUY! So here I am drinking the beers early then making mixed drinks after the kids go to bed and then I'm sneaking pulls from the bottle, which I always kinda did but not to this level and frequency, waking up hits from the bottle type stuff. The spiral was starting and I bailed.

On day 16 now. I have no urge to relive those days. That's the hard part of drinking for me in some aspects. Most of it was fun but then it got bad and I jumped ship. Not bad enough where I was losing jobs and losing my family and friends, heck I have no DWI's or no real major consequence from my drinking. I was pretty much a weekend warrior with extended weekends at times. But then, as I said with my prior stint in rehab, I saw the signs. When I first made my decision a year ago I always had some sort of hope that I could go back and maintain it and still have fun and when I decided to give that try it started back up where I left off and it got more sinister. I saw red flags everywhere. It is what it is. I am an alcoholic and no matter how much time passes I will always drink like that because that's how I drink. I crossed a line where I can't turn back. The good old days are over.

Do you know what I like. No hangovers. A moment of warm bliss from booze just isn't worth sacrificing a whole day or even a morning of comfort.
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:04 AM
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Originally Posted by 0percentABV View Post
[snip]
I saw red flags everywhere. It is what it is. I am an alcoholic and no matter how much time passes I will always drink like that because that's how I drink. I crossed a line where I can't turn back. The good old days are over.

Do you know what I like. No hangovers. A moment of warm bliss from booze just isn't worth sacrificing a whole day or even a morning of comfort.
This shows a lot of really admirable self-awareness and clarity, and helps sharpen my own. I too crossed that line. What I once enjoyed optionally and voluntarily I began to chase obsessively, and every day there was a little burning ember in my brain pan that would not go away. Heading out to the park with the kids? Well, give me a second sweetie while I check something in the basement and shotgun a few beers or chug from the bottle to tamp down that ember a bit so I can "enjoy" our outing. Oh, and would you mind driving?

Haven't had a hangover in almost nine months now. I'm always available to my family and friends. You need a ride I can give it. And I can interact with my fellows without feeling like I'm carrying around a black hole of despair in my innards.

Great posts and thanks for sharing! Keep on the path.
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:19 AM
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Thanks for sharing. Similar to you, I started on the "craft" or "import" beer stuff after the initial college binging of macro brews wasn't enough. I had money, which was new to me, so I bought a lot of higher-end stuff. Plus, the alcohol content was key. I was all about IPAs, and thought myself "refined" and even a bit sophisticated! I even bought merchandise, there is still a Dogfish Head beer sign hanging in one of my spare rooms (time to take that down methinks).

That was a lie I told myself. Once I gained too much weight, I switched to vodka. The downhill spiral accelerated quickly once that happened, and that was all she wrote. Lost everything, well, not everything, but I lost quite a bit.

I'm 7 months sober, so still working at it. Thanks for sharing your story, sounds like you have a realistic view of your situation. Good luck, we will be interested to see how you are doing so keep posting!
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:32 AM
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Hey 0%. Glad you found your way here. I'm Day44 now. I'd probably be a craft beer fan also, but I live in the middle of nowhere and that stuff is really just not available. I'm definitely a beer guy. I'm not into hard liquor or wine, I just drink more beer. Nothing better than a couple days alone at home with a 30-pack of cheap beer. Throw in a few grilled cheese sandwiches and you're living the high life. I've stopped numerous times. Like you I've awakened from a bender and sworn myself to a good life. Maybe a few days, a week, then I have "a little celebration". This is a relentless condition, yes, disease. I have little hope really, but I'm staying here at SR trying to stay focused on my addiction every day. I hope you can stick with it also. Think of the 4month sobriety period you made last year! I've never gone that long. Maybe we can do it. The key I think is to just stay focused on resolve and to constantly tell ourselves that we must never have even that one little beer. It's all downhill from that first one. The first one is the key.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
...there is still a Dogfish Head beer sign hanging in one of my spare rooms (time to take that down methinks).
I actually made a small fortune from my old beer goodies on Craigslist. However I still have my beer fridge in the garage. Which I would still like to have for sodas and kids drinks, problem though is that it's adorned with brewery stickers. Seems I constantly come across some sort of beer trinket. For instance right now at work my coaster on my desk is from Ale Asylum. I still got about 10 pint glasses in our kitchen from breweries. Still have a couple T-Shirts that I still look good in, but... you know. I'm telling ya, it was my life. Heck I came close to actually getting a job in the industry but luckily I decided my current job was more worth it. I can only imagine the situation I would have been in if I went down that road.

Thanks for sharing folks. I know I am not alone in my drinking but when it comes to my particular vice (good beer) it's amazing how similar a lot of your stories are to mine.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:10 AM
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Originally Posted by 0percentABV View Post
I actually made a small fortune from my old beer goodies on Craigslist. However I still have my beer fridge in the garage. Which I would still like to have for sodas and kids drinks, problem though is that it's adorned with brewery stickers. Seems I constantly come across some sort of beer trinket. For instance right now at work my coaster on my desk is from Ale Asylum. I still got about 10 pint glasses in our kitchen from breweries. Still have a couple T-Shirts that I still look good in, but... you know. I'm telling ya, it was my life. Heck I came close to actually getting a job in the industry but luckily I decided my current job was more worth it. I can only imagine the situation I would have been in if I went down that road.

Thanks for sharing folks. I know I am not alone in my drinking but when it comes to my particular vice (good beer) it's amazing how similar a lot of your stories are to mine.
Yeah all the beer-branded items rings true here. It took me 7 months, but last week I finally took all my old wine glasses, guiness glasses, mixing glasses, etc and gave them to a neighbor. Final step is getting rid of that sign (which looks so nice on that exposed brick wall darn it!)....I appreciate your post because it reminded me about how entertwined drinking was in my life...
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:14 AM
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Originally Posted by oinobares View Post
What I once enjoyed optionally and voluntarily I began to chase obsessively, and every day there was a little burning ember in my brain pan that would not go away. Heading out to the park with the kids? Well, give me a second sweetie while I check something in the basement and shotgun a few beers or chug from the bottle to tamp down that ember a bit so I can "enjoy" our outing. Oh, and would you mind driving?
Whoa. The last 3 months I was, for the most part, keeping my drinking hidden, from my wife in particular, but most everyone. It was suppose to be just a few beers after work and that was it. Just to "put out the tiny fires in my head" as I called it.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
I appreciate your post because it reminded me about how entertwined drinking was in my life...
I know that all drinkers have a hard time letting go of their past but I wonder if it's harder in the era of social media? I don't know about the rest of you but I obtained many friends that had the similar interest in craft beer through my old blog. We even got together for road trips to breweries and had beer blogger summits at local bars, heck I even organized a pub crawl. And through all this I became "friends" with a lot of people on Facebook and Twitter. I've long abandoned the blog and though I probably will never see a lot of them again I haven't got the heart to drop them from other social media sites and that being said it's not like their presence on Facebook sets me off, but craft beer junkies love to post pictures of beer and talk about their exploits a lot and that's when things get awkward for me.

The big reason I gave in after my initial 4 months was because I wanted to get back to the normalcy I used to know and "just have a beer when I'm out." Thought I could just have a few with the gang and still keep in touch with the players in the game so I, well, I don't know, I guess not lose my status in town. But the game (I like calling it a game because to me that's what it was) is huge now. MPLS and St Paul is flooded. Seems a new brewery is applying for a license every day. What was a some what tight knit community of beer geeks is now a metropolis of beer dorks. Seemed to happen overnight. I stop for 4 months and all of the sudden time passes and I was on the outside looking in. Granted I was a mess prior to that so I was probably oblivious to the fact that these are not my friends and I have no status. I am not a brewer, nor an an employee or anything besides a dude who loves beer and then when I really look back, I was a beer groupie. WTF?

I should really just drop them. No offense but our common bond is no more.
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Old 02-21-2013, 08:11 AM
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I had been progressively becoming an alcoholic for the past ten years. For the most part I drank wine by myself at home during the day--sometimes hard liquor in tasty mixed drinks, because I'm a female.

Then my son and son-n-law started becoming "microbrew snobs." We are a cigar smoking family, so we'd sit and smoke and sip and converse over many pleasant things. I liked the microbrews, but they just didn't have enough alcohol to make it worth my while.

So I discovered the love of my life: Three Philosophers Ale. I had just taken a philosophy class in my late-life college career and really enjoyed it--that's what attracted me to it. Then i tasted it and loved it. Loved the foam, loved the color--loved everything about it, especially the very high alcohol content. It's so fancy it even has a cork! Far more sophisticated than the Bud my dad drinks!

Now everybody knows I have quit drinking. i was always the one in the group who was just a little bit too much--a little bit too craven--a little bit too uncool. I can't even hang around those guys anymore. With some guests who like wine I can stay and enjoy the evening, because the emphasis is on the fellowship, not on the alcohol. But with the microbrew gang I can't stay, because the whole conversation is about glorifying the alcohol.
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