BlackandWhite

Okay - reaching out here... I am struggling through some crazyness. My AH has been sober since 12/2/12. He spent the first month in the hospital on a reperator. Since he has been home he has been fine. He looks good and seems grateful and a little humble. The past week I have been struggling because there are little signs that maybe he has been drinking. It could just be me. Maybe not. His face seems swollen and red. That is it. No slerring or his words or anything like that. Other than that he seems pretty normal. It is making me crazy and I have these old feelings back and I am spinning out of control with my old behaivor. Given that he almost died and what myself and my children have been through. I cannot do that again. I am so scared and don't know how to stop from being totally out of control and he may not have done anything at all. I hate this. He is such a sweet man.

firebolt

I am so sorry you are going through this. They really are clueless as to what they are doing to themselves, their friends and family, and especially to us. Sending you positive thoughts today - and wishes that you do something for yourself - to you make YOU happy - despite!~ *hug*

BlackandWhite

Thank you Firebolt. I am trying to keep things in perspective and think of me. I am the only one working right now. I have two jobs and I am trying to keep my kids going. We have so many things to be happy about right now and it sucks that we or I am not. I am going to my Alanon meeting tonight right after I take some of this out in my Crossfit class. He swears he is not drinking and I so want to believe him. I really do.

Recovering2

A wise person on here always reminds us "More will be revealed." I would say don't jump to conclusions right now. If he is drinking again, it will become more evident.

When my RABF first came home from treatment, I found myself hovering. I watched him closely, terrified he would drink again. I had to let that go, and go about my business. His recovery is HIS business. So keep working on you, go about your day. Let him continue his work, and if he relapses, you will know. Hugs....

kthopkt

I agree with recovering2. If he is drinking, you will eventually know for sure.

bless5

Your instincts may be right, but only time will tell. My AH was sneaking and I knew it but couldn't prove it so never confronted him. Eventually he confessed because he saw me building a life without him, and it was a turning point for him to go to AA and begin recovery. He's been sober for over 4 years now and life is good. Relax and take it one day at a time. ((((hugs))))

MsPINKAcres

This reading brought me great comfort in times of suspicions and doubt ~

from the ODAT in Al-Anon pg 131 (I'm only posting part of the reading but the entire page is a great reading)

"Suspicion, searching and prying will only keep us in a state of turmoil, and make the situation worse, instead of improving it.
Today's Reminder:
What we are meant to know will come to our knowledge without any action on our part. This is a basic spiritual truth, implicit in our slogan, Let Go and Let God. When action is really required, as when a crisis happens, we will then be better prepared to meet the emergency."

I found peace in knowing my HP would prepare me & let me know what I needed to know when I needed to know it ~ as long as I was focusing on my own recovery ~

Just my e, s, & h

pink hugs

BlackandWhite

Thank you all so much. I don't want to be crazy. Takes a lot to be strong. I already confronted him. He denied. He did say he was struggling a bit. I told him he should go to a meeting and I feel like a crazy person again... I will take your advice and work the program and work on me. I am going to Crossfit for an hour or so and then heading to a meeting. Thank you all again for the support.

BikeGirl

I know that crazy feeling. I've come to realize that when it gets to the point that I'm suspecting him of drinking again, it doesn't matter if he's actually drinking booze again. The behavior that leads to my suspicions (checking out physically, mentally. Not engaging in life. Staring at the tv all night, sleeping all day. Looking bloated & unhappy...) is bad enough, even if he isn't actually drinking. The effect is the same. Don't feel crazy. Even if he's not actively drinking (yet), there's a reason you are getting that gut feeling. Dry drunk. It's pretty common. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, does it matter if matter if it's a real duck or not?