deeker

Well I am learning to use many tools in the program .


Unfortunately because of my addictive behavior and my bi polar I get obsessed with one aspect of my recovery and I can run with it and neglect everything else .


Not everyday but I did for awhile there .I was doing 12 meetings a week face to face . It was all good I needed it .

Then I got crazy involved in service volunteering for every single commitee .

My life was AA/NA

My recovery definitely suffered.I started spending less time working on my own step work . My inside work on myself.

But see something came with that serving, recognition and that stroked my EGO. It was like another high.

I liked it! lol


See I am still very sick lol .

Then when I found this Online forum well then everything
went down the tubes lol

I like to write .


I was spending 7-8 hrs a day on here into the wee hours of the morning and my sponsor would constantly say deek, how's that 4th step coming along .


I can do anything and it gets obsessive if it makes me
feel good .

Or I can get really obsessed with my spirituality and just read the bible for hrs and hrs a day, neglecting everything else . .

See I thought it was all ok cuz it was all under the guise of recovery, but I have had to really take a look at my obsessiveness with things besides alcohol.


One good thing is that I have recognized it but not before my sponsor did.

Why am I always the last to know?

See I just want to have peace of mind everyday of my life and I like feeling good.

But when I get caught up in any one thing I lose that peace, cuz I start feeling guilty for letting up on other things.

I love my peace and I don't want to give it up for anything .

So I am a work in process but today I have a spiritual guage and I know
when I am out of balance cuz I lose my peace to easily so I have to take a second look at how I am working my program .

Today has been a good day! Hope yours is as well! God Bless!
whoah dizzy

melivinsober

Thanks for sharing your story. I have Bi-polar disorder too and I've had very similar stories. That's always the key isn't it? Finding peace, or the middle balance... Something that is really hard for me. But when I found it, it made my life amazing. This is a good reminder to stay on my guard. ...and here I am tired as heck on a forum at 12:30 at night.

lol. Cheers and keep that peace going!

Sazzle

Great insight deeker

Have you tried meditation or practising being present? I am not obsessive in the slightest and I wish I had a bit of that obsession as I can rarely commit to even more than one chapter of a book before I'm off on the next project/task.

I guess we all have our ways, we just need to use them to our advantage. I set a timer to force myself to do done tasks (like cleaning up). Perhaps you could set a timer on your phone for tasks that run away with themselves.

S x

jennikate

I am exactly like that and have been for my whole life. If I'm into gardening, I'll read copious amounts of books on it, go to various garden centers comparing plants, I'll make journals, etc. I do this with food as well-I get into one food and will eat it to an obsessive degree. I am working on balance. It's hard for me...I'm just perseverative. I have used the timer trick above, made lists, meditated, etc. In some ways, I've just learned to accept it and unless it's really self-destructive, I don't worry too much about it.

ricmcc

Hi Deek, I am bipolar as well. I think the old saying, "everything in moderation" applies to everyone, but doubly so to those with bipolar disorder. I notice that the symptoms of untreated bipolar closely mimic the symptoms of active addiction--great feelings at first, followed by an inevitable crash. I deal with this by sticking to taking my meds exactly as prescribed, and seeing my shrink ASAP if I, or those around me, notice manic symptoms emerging, in which case my meds are usually adjusted. This is just what I do, and I am in no way suggesting that you need adopt my approach, though; everyone is different and must find what works best for them. Best of luck to you--rick

Anna

Deeker, I have found that my recovery is all about balance.

If I don't maintain balance in my daily life, things just start to feel wrong.