Ptcapote

Hi Everyone, happy mid-week/almost mid-week.

I know this is a relatively common occurrence because I have read about it here before but I just wimped out of my AA class tonight. I have no idea what is wrong with me as I have been to classes (albeit only a few) before but tonight I just got so freaked out. I drove by a few time initially---like a stalker---and saw the group all standing out in the parking lot sort of in a huddle smoking cigarettes and just talking and I couldn't make myself pull into the lot. I had no idea how to approach them ("Hi! I'm the person who was here twice in January but never came back!" or "Can you all just ignore me while I slink in the front door and find a seat near the back?").

I realize that AA is NOT a place of judgement or exclusion but I just got paralyzed. And I am not particularly shy, either. Don't know what happened.

Anyone have any tips about getting through the door as a newcomer/returnee?

I am committed to doing this and know the time of the class I want to attend tomorrow but I am afraid I am going to get cold feet again...

Thanks, as always!

awuh1

I think both of your ‘opening lines’ would likely get some warm broad grins. Many of us have been there and done that. Just say it like it is when you get in there. Most everyone there will know exactly how you feel because most of us have been there at one time or another. Hang in there you’re on the right track.

2granddaughters

We've all done that.

Buddy up with another newcomer and go together. It's easier that way.

All the best.

Bob R

redflags

That was almost me the other night! I came pretty close to being a chicken! In fact, there wasn't any parking & I almost used that as my "sign" not to go... Until I spotted an overflow lot. Then I was like, "This must be the place to be on a Monday night!"

It was only my second meeting & afterwards, I felt so much better. I'm no expert, but I do know that I haven't left a meeting feeling worse than I did when I went into it. :-) That's my "mental tool" for getting myself through those doors.

Best wishes! I'm sure there are some other great suggestions!

LexieCat

You just walk in and say hi. If you feel like sharing, you share.

Seriously, folks wander in and out of our meetings constantly. Some people come for a while, leave, then come back. Nobody makes a big deal out of it.

YouRmySunshine

Hey I think this is normal. Well for people like us.
Not that our brain really thinks "normal". But I still get worked up about going. I know we are not suppose to feel judged. But I think that is still part of our mind trying to cope with normal thought process, when we are just wired different.

Hang in there, Im hoping it gets easier for us. :ghug3

SophieB

Good thing about AA .. no sign in sheet. People come and go all the time I don"t think anyone really notices. And if they do I've just heard them say nice things like glad your here

Becksj

This is definetely my problem. Scared to go back to aa. i care about what people think of me. I really think my story my be valuable to another alcoholic that may consider pills safe. They were actually harder to quit than alcohol for me because of the physical dependence & LONG detox. I am a sick puppy.

SophieB

Another reason why you need to go to meetings beck....helping yourself and maybe helping someone else along the way. That is what it is all about.

melivinsober

You've got this. All you can do is ignore your worries and go. (easier said than done... i know)

I almost left too... I awkwardly walked in the building and when I saw coffee I thought "get coffee and pretend you know what you're doing" So I got coffee... then people started talking to me and made me feel better.

I found out that a lot of the people had no idea that i'd never been there, because they hardly come to meetings themselves. So for me, just pretending like I belonged and that I was there on purpose, made me feel like I actually belonged.

What's the worst that can happen? You don't like it? But the best that can happen is that you love it and it helps you through your troubles.

Good luck and stay strong. YOU CAN DO IT!

coraltint

everyone in there has felt awkward as you do. they're all hip to that. nobody will make fun of you or anything. and you'll be in a room full of people trying to get over the same stuff as you are. it's a great deal. let us know how it goes tomorrow!

Becksj

Thanks all! Laugh out loud coraltint!

Alva

It takes a lot of courage to walk through the doors of your first meeting. Mine was only 7 weeks ago and I was shaking like I had come off a 3 day bender People are friendly, they know what you're experiencing because they've all been there before. And they appreciate the courage that you're showing. Trust me I put off going to AA for years and tried to quit (unsuccessfully) on my own dozens of times and I regret the fact I didn't start this years ago. After the first meeting I felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders now that I'd found people "the same" as me and people that understood and were there to help. Get a few meetings under your belt, you'll start to know names, see familiar faces etc. The stories are inspiring, listening with an open mind gives great hope and you get to make sober new friends plus for me being able to just talk about what I'm dealing with is amazing therapy - and no I was never one to stand up in front of people and speak or at least sober

I had alienated myself because of drinking, had few friends and tried not to leave the house on weekends because it got in the way of drinking. Now I'm going out for coffee with a group (young, old, male, female), we go bowling which I suck at lol, getting together to watch hockey games at peoples houses....and 2 months ago I "hated" people .
And of course you don't have to do any of this, no one forces you to do anything. You can just walk in and listen but you'll still get something from even that.

Jeni26

Hi. I had a wobble like you when I returned to AA after my relapse last May. I didn't go for a few weeks, I was too worried about what I would say/what they would think etc when they had supported me so well initially.

I ended up texting one of the numbers I had been given by the women at my first meeting and admitting I had slipped but that I was desperate to return.

She met me at a different meeting so I didn't have to face anyone I knew. That night she ended up becoming my sponsor, and has guided me to almost 9 months continuous sobriety now.

Go. It may just be the best move you make x

renaldo

I've never seen anyone kicked out of a meeting, and we're talking decades. It doesn't matter what condition you're in. Unless you're wielding a gun, you won't be kicked out. You'll be welcomed.

Whatever you've done, they've done it in spades and know the score to a T.

Huglets

Like you and many others here, I too was terrified of going to a meeting. After I went to my first meeting - which was incredible - I wimped out on a few. Got to the location, drove around, watched, and left. And it's OK.

Maybe they'll notice you haven't attended in a while. Maybe they won't. They'll just be happy, genuinely happy, to see you!

You're on the right path!! Keep it up! We'll all proud of you.

ricmcc

Maybe it might help you a little if you remember that your attending AA is just about as important to the recovering members as it is to you, as a major plank of AA is helping other alcoholics; the reasoning being, that by helping others, those in recovery help themselves. So it follows that you will be welcomed with open arms, and like many worries, you will come to see your present fears as groundless. Of course there are alternatives to AA if you wish to explore them, and some here seem to have been helped greatly by them. All I am saying is try not to let fear hold you back--all the best, and good luck--rick

Anna

I hope you continue to work on your recovery.

renaldo

I have some problems with AA, but the open arms aspect reassures me that I'm always welcome, no matter how many times I've screwed up.

Louise82

BIB: Same with the meetings I go to. Returnees will come in, sit where they want, say 'hi' if they want to and won't say it if they don't to and it's only if they share that you realize they're returnees. And even then there's no judgement. Everyone's just glad that the returnee is there.