peaceinthepines

I spent months on here last year while dealing with my 23 yr old son's heroin addiction. In June he moved back to his home state (near me) after living across the country for 5 years. At this time he detoxed from H on his own. It wasn't pretty, but he made it through. However, he didn't attend any classes, AA, counseling, etc. Just said he could do it himself.
He moved in w/ his old best friend who is 5 yrs sober and a wonderful friend and influence. Another friend got him a good job and gave him rides to work. Things were really looking up!

Well, soon he started drinking and smoking weed "just on the weekends." He saw absolutely no harm in it, was very proud of himself for quitting the H, and said he KNEW beyond doubt whatever happened he'd never turn back to opiates...they were his "real" problem. I never thought the beer and pot was a good idea, it seemed like a terrible idea to me, but I have to admit, deep down, I was just so damn proud he was away from the evil heroin!!! (But I never condoned the other stuff.)

Now in the past week I find out he's in real trouble again. (Getting messed up constantly, though he still swears he isn't using opiates) He's been kicked out of his friend's sober home for using, lying and not following rules. None of his other friends will let him crash at their houses. Currently he is on the street in Chicago (18 degrees), with nowhere to go, and no money or cell phone because he says he was jumped last night. (??) He just called me from a payphone wanting me to come and get him and was Pissed at me because I told him I couldn't right now.

I was on the phone/internet most of yesterday looking for rehab options for him because I have gotten a few texts from him over the last couple days saying he's ready for rehab, or "pick me up tonight, take me to the ER" , yet I didn't even know where he was! In all of his texts and calls from yesterday it was easy to see/hear he was very intoxicated. I'm just trying to get some options lined up in case he really IS ready and needs a place to go. Options are limited, he is still under our insurance coverage, but my husband is very hesitant about paying anything that the insurance doesn't cover because he doesn't think my son is serious about it, and he's sick of helping him and so far we've spent a lot of money, and he just keeps lying and making bad choices.

So, last year I learned a lot on here (and also in counseling) about codependency and how not to get sucked into the insanity. Well, I gues s I need a refresher course, because here I am again sick with worry over his craziness! Just need a little support, here!

lonelystar

Hi peace

Sorry to hear about you AS , my son is also an addict about you sons age, I hear people tell me you can't change him you can't make him stop you can't help him yes I think we parents spouses friends and relatives at some point come to terms with that fact but letting go is easier said than done , just because we can't help them at least for me does not lessen the pain. Sending you prayers

allthatsgood

Hello Peace! I remember you from last summer because we joined SR about the same time. I am also a mom of a 23 yr old son recovering from heroin. I am sorry to hear what you are going through, as I have been down the same road with my son. I have read here on SR many times about the Salvation Army and the program they have which is free. I don't know if there is a program in your area but maybe this is something you could look into?

peaceinthepines

Hey All That is Good and Lonely Star,

I'm sorry that the common thread we share is our sons' addictions! I really can't think of too many things that are more difficult for a mom to go through.
I hope that both of your sons are currently well and hope mine finds his way back.
I think I've heard the Salvation Army is quite religious based, does anyone know if this is true? If it is, it probably wouldn't be a good match for my son, unfortunately. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

Anaya

Nice to see you but sorry for the reason you came back.

How are you doing? Are you staying strong and do you continue to work on recovery? It seems particularly difficult to do so (at least for me) when faced with the knowledge of our loved one's crises.

Best wishes for your son, you, and your husband. Stay strong and know that we are here for you/walk with you.

dollydo

He can go to the Salvation Army, they have a long term program and it is free. You can spend a 100K on a program and if HE is not ready to recover, nothing will change. He has
to want recovery more than anything else in the world.

I would suggest that you read cynical one's blogs, there are some real good posts about
parents and their addicted children.

So sorry about your son, all you can do is pray that he will find his way out of this darkness...called addiction.

EJG123

Hi Peace- I suppose you could see what hospitals have inpatient rehabs covered by your insurance. Then tell your son if he is so bad off he needs an ER or rehab, he should call 911 and go to one of those hospitals because they can best determine and address his needs. Good luck.

Hanna

So sorry. Mind telling us what State? Or PM me if you'd like some help doing research on your options. I would be grateful to put some of what my family experienced to use if it can be of help! Your husband especially might appreciate knowing some of it.

If he's really ready to go and do the work, it can be a totally different experience than if his heart is not in it.

Peace and Prayers,
Hanna

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Peace, Just wanted to acknowledge how difficult it is to detach from our kids. I totally understand, my boy is 22. He just started an inpatient that is state funded and is both 12 steps and socio-behavioral. He will be there between 60-90 days. This is round 2 of rehab and all I can do is let it go and pray it sticks if he is ready. All I know is that my son was out there on his own from May 13 to August 27 when he finally turned himself into the authorities. He found ways to survive and it took the pain of his addiction for him to finally give up and go to jail. He now believes he is through the worst but only time will tell after he completes rehab and lives on his own left to his own choices in sober living. Believe me, all of us Moms here have been boonswaggled by the "helplessness" act that our adult children pull on us. i read here vigorously every single day to keep the rose colored glasses from clouding my judgement.
Hugs,
TT

cangel2

Hi Peace - I am glad to see you here but sorry for the reason. I also have no words of wisdom but just wanted you know that as a Mom of a 22yrs old RAS my heart goes out to you!

Keep posting and know you have a lot of support here.

Hanna

This is the kind of program my bro did. After 30+ years of not knowing how to deal with the hard knocks of life, he is almost like a different man. After two programs that cost exorbitant sums and didn't work (he wasn't ready), it was such a blessing.

If there is something like this available, I highly recommend it. I now have some pretty strong feelings about the expensive rehabs, especially if the addict isn't the one paying. It's hard on them, the family and their relationships and isn't exactly logical given the importance of them taking responsibility to their recovery.