First time with AG, first time post... (whew)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
First time with AG, first time post... (whew)
Hello Everyone,
I recently came across SR as a result of breaking up with my AG. We dated long-distance for about two years and visited often, finally moving into the same city in August.
By the end of September, I found out she had drunkenly cheated on me within weeks of moving in. Then came the lies and blame shifting / playing victim. I was beyond hurt, angry, and totally confused. I told her that I could not be with anyone that did not respect themselves or me, and kicked her out. Shortly thereafter, she wrote me and said she was an alcoholic and going to seek treatment & therapy. I encouraged it and wished her the best. That was four months ago, three months with no contact (I just couldn't keep up the push/pull and selfishness that sometimes comes with early recovery?)
I only write this to thank all of you for sharing your kind thoughts and honesty. It has been very helpful on so many levels, particularly for me to realize that my expectations of her and my version of who she was contributed just as much to the relationship's demise as any of her actions. And my "being right" about her wrongdoings is nowhere near as important as learning how to forgive and just let it go.
I occasionally wonder about how she's doing but that's ultimately up to her. She was just being her; I was just being me. I look back at the short time we were together and truly see it as a gift - both the good and bad times.
I'm glad I didn't make any excuses for her actions and reading everyone's posts helps reaffirm the very difficult decision I had to make (and continue to make every day).
Thank you all.
I recently came across SR as a result of breaking up with my AG. We dated long-distance for about two years and visited often, finally moving into the same city in August.
By the end of September, I found out she had drunkenly cheated on me within weeks of moving in. Then came the lies and blame shifting / playing victim. I was beyond hurt, angry, and totally confused. I told her that I could not be with anyone that did not respect themselves or me, and kicked her out. Shortly thereafter, she wrote me and said she was an alcoholic and going to seek treatment & therapy. I encouraged it and wished her the best. That was four months ago, three months with no contact (I just couldn't keep up the push/pull and selfishness that sometimes comes with early recovery?)
I only write this to thank all of you for sharing your kind thoughts and honesty. It has been very helpful on so many levels, particularly for me to realize that my expectations of her and my version of who she was contributed just as much to the relationship's demise as any of her actions. And my "being right" about her wrongdoings is nowhere near as important as learning how to forgive and just let it go.
I occasionally wonder about how she's doing but that's ultimately up to her. She was just being her; I was just being me. I look back at the short time we were together and truly see it as a gift - both the good and bad times.
I'm glad I didn't make any excuses for her actions and reading everyone's posts helps reaffirm the very difficult decision I had to make (and continue to make every day).
Thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Miles,
I applaude you for doing what I wish I had done in my relationship. For me the crazy didn't really come to light until we were married. I made a huge mistake by marrying this man. Had I found this forum when we were dating I would have known what to expect and could have saved myself a lot of misery and eventual divorce by just walking away.
Thank you for posting.
I applaude you for doing what I wish I had done in my relationship. For me the crazy didn't really come to light until we were married. I made a huge mistake by marrying this man. Had I found this forum when we were dating I would have known what to expect and could have saved myself a lot of misery and eventual divorce by just walking away.
Thank you for posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
RollTide,
Thanks for the kind words! And so sorry to hear about your experience.
Walking away was (and still is) difficult for me, but I keep reminding myself that I'm a very lucky man not in spite of, but because of what happened. It's an opportunity I needed to grow.
Thanks for the kind words! And so sorry to hear about your experience.
Walking away was (and still is) difficult for me, but I keep reminding myself that I'm a very lucky man not in spite of, but because of what happened. It's an opportunity I needed to grow.
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