lostgirll

I have been with my fiance for 12 years now. It has been an ongoing struggle with his addiction to drugs. Today I had detectives show up to my apartment, tell me my fiance is a crackhead and that he is in jail for some robberies that just happened in our neighborhood. They say he was also involved in another robbery where someone chased him with a machete, cut his jacket and ultimately caught him. They showed me two videos that were taken at the 2 locations. It did appear to be my fiance in the videos. beyond heartbreaking. I cant say for sure because he was wearing a mask. I gave a statement saying this that based on his build, the way he walked and the hat he was wearing it did look like him but I couldn't say for sure. If he did do these horrible things I don't want it to be because of what i said. I know his drug abuse has spiraled out of control. I also said he is an amazing and good person and if he did do such a thing it was because of the drugs. I just want him to be ok!! I was scared, I didnt know what to do. he could be doing 5-10 years for this. Is there something i could have done different. Today or before to make this not happen?? I just dont even know what to feel. When I do searches online about addiction it always brings me to this site. I guess I'm just looking for some kind of comforting words right now. Dont know what those could possibly be. just dont know what else to do. thank you.

bigsombrero

Jesus, sorry to hear that. And I think you did the right thing.

pianogirl1193

I'm so sorry that happened. It is horrible what drugs do to people. It can turn really great people into monsters. I think you definitely did the right thing. You told the honest truth, what you knew. You do not need to protect him or lie for him. He is a grown man. If it was in fact him, he will have to pay the consequences.
It really has little to do with you. He is an addict, and addicts do crazy unimaginable things. It is not because he doesn't love or care about you or because you did something wrong. I don't think there is anything you could've done different...

Hope things start looking up soon. Take care of yourself

Hanna

Welcome to Sober Recovery, Lostgirll. So sorry that you are going through this, but am so glad you found this site. You have come to the right place.

You told the truth, but didn't give them anything additional. It sounds to me like you did absolutely the right thing. You should never have been put in that position.

Please stick around, read the sticky posts at the top of this forum, read what others have posted here and write, too.

It's an amazing place and the fine folks here will help tremendously.

Peace and I will say a prayer for you and for him, too.

Hanna

drc5426

Crack is such a horrid drug. I watched it for years destroy a women that I love.

"Is there something i could have done different. Today or before to make this not happen??"

In my opinion no.

You didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it and no one on this earth can Control it.

Police, survailance footage, machetes!?

Please, concern yourself with your own well being first. Let him take his 5 to 10 like the man he wants to be.

Lily1918

yes. you did the right thing! Im glad you found this place, but Im sorry for why you are here. as stated above, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and Lord knows you can't control it. hugs to you.

lostgirll

it does kind of help to hear all of this. thank you. all i can ever think about is it all the good times and it makes this seem even more unreal. especially because i'm going to sleep again without him here. have not even spoken to him since Friday. that was our 12 year anniversary too. i do appreciate all your kind words though.

peanut44

I think being honest is always the best policy, which sounds like exactly what you've done.

You did do the right thing

Hope4Life

You didnt cause him to become a drug addict or criminal. You had to be truthful with the police and not get drawn any further into this mess than you already are.

I'm so sorry that this is happening, please dont beat yourself up because of his mistakes.

Take care of yourself.

pianogirl1193

I understand you sadness of not being able to talk to him or sleep with him. It will not always feel this way... I promise. Hang in there. Pray, Talk to people, Post here. We are all here for you.

FeelingGreat

Hi Lostgirl, you must be in turmoil right now but you've come to the right place for support. You didn't have much choice but cooperate with the police. I know it sounds glib, but if he's started robbing with a mask on, he needs to be off the streets for everyone's sake, including his. It could have escalated to violence, and been a much more serious matter. Maybe now, if he takes it seriously and begins his recovery in jail (if possible) the courts will go easier on him?
Anyway, whatever happens, look after yourself and get your support around you.

lostgirll

Thanks you for that. That's really the reason I did it. They kept saying that he was so lucky he didn't get hurt this time and its true. I can only imagine what would happen if he tried doing something again. His arraignment is today and I know that nobody is going to bail him out so he will be there until his hearing. He actually even said to me the other day how he just did not want to go on like this and one thing he had even said was that he would try to get put in jail so he just wouldnt have to deal with life. why was it so bad?? I hate every mean thing I ever said to him because I was mad at him for using. I hate that I didnt do a better job at telling him what an amazing person he is. and Im scared he will hate me when he finds out I gave a statement about it

lostgirll

not to mention that I am on probation myself for a DWI. I'm far from perfect myself. I didnt want to do anything that could possibly get me into further trouble. i'm sorry everything is just so awful right now. time to get ready for work though and pretend like everything is great!

laurie6781

(((((lostgfirll)))))

Welcome to SR. You have really found a GREAT site for not only your codependency
issues but to help you with your own substance abuse problems.

Read ALL the 'stickys' (the threads with a 'lock' on them) at the top of this forum and
start reading some of the threads. Also, please check out the "Alcoholism" forum and
the "12 Step Alcoholism" forum FOR YOU.

Now might be the time for you to also check out some Alanon meetings, again for you
to figure out what to do for you about this relationship, and some AA to find some
sober face to face folks that can be there for you as you go through this turmoil.

What is happening to ABF are the DIRECT CONSEQUENCES for his actions and he
and only he can FIX this. Just as the DWI was a direct consequence for your actions
of drinking and driving.

There is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that you could have or should have done
that would have changed this outcome. The only person YOU CAN CHANGE is YOU!

Now is the time, to work on YOU.

We are here for you, both those of us on the codependency forums and those of us
also on the Alcohol or Substance Forums. Some of us you will see in both places,
we are called 'Double Winners' (yes, I am one of those, rofl) so we do understand
without a shadow of a doubt what is happening within you.

Please keep posting, you can rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh and we
will be here for you.

Again, WELCOME. I am so glad that you found Sober Recovery, but sad for the
reasons why you had to.

Lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,

Justfor1

IMO armed robbery is a crime that deserves prison not treatment. When an addict steps into that area he/she is too dangerous for society to roam around in. I usually notice that these folks tend to target defenseless victims. After they get caught stealing from family members they move on to other "easy targets". Why not rob the local drug dealer?

lostgirll

he was not armed. he was not trying to hurt anyone

Swampfox1963

I think you did the right thing. He has probably crashed by now and is
feeling depressed and ill. If you do go to visit him he may tell you anything to get out of jail and get another fix...which can land him in more trouble. If he ever decides to get clean, it takes 5 years of 100%
sobriety for the brain chemicals to restore themselves to a normal state.
I supervised and counseled crack addicts for almost 15 years and his
getting parole or probation (if he is guilty) with mandatory substance abuse counseling would be ideal. He needs to be in a place for a few months where he can clear his head a little.

AnvilheadII

the definition of ROBBERY versus larceny is:

The taking of money or goods in the possession of another, from his or her person or immediate presence, by force or intimidation.

Robbery is a crime of theft and can be classified as Larceny by force or by threat of force. The elements of the crime of robbery include the use of force or intimidation and all the elements of the crime of larceny. The penalty for robbery is always more severe than for larceny.

he didn't do this once. but multiple times. he concealed his identity. and his intention was to take things from VICTIMS to fund his addiction. he is NOT some helpless misunderstood little boy - he's a grown man that committed multiple crimes and got caught.

do you have any boundaries regarding active addicts and/or criminals? i know you have 12 years in...but after 12 years THIS is where he's at. they say that addiction if continued will lead to one of three places, or all three eventually:

JAILS
INSTITUTIONS
DEATH

often NA meetings are held in jails and the message of recovery is there to be heard for those who are open to hearing it. all is not lost. he's just choosing the rough dirt road thru life right now.

AnvilheadII

sorry lostgirll, i should add that i am former crack addict with over 6 years clean now. my stint with crack was "only" 4.5 years and never got to full on 24/7. nonetheless quitting that sh*t was tough, STAYING quit was tougher! crack doesn't just let go and crack addiction doesn't just go away. and it REALLY could give a sh*t less about how nice the person is...it's an equal opportunity destroyer.

Hanna

I always wondered why I stayed in love with people even after it didn't feel good anymore. I learned during a family program about what a drug high is like for an addict. The first time they get high on their drug of choice the feeling is incredible. Incomparable and amazing. My brother confirmed this. Like nothing he'd ever felt before, he said. After that, every hit is an attempt to get that feeling again. And he never could, he said. Love was like that for some of us. We stay crazy about someone because they made us feel incredibly happy once.

We have to let ourselves absorb the bad times and accept reality. To keep doing something that no longer feels good is illogical.